Do people know you are TTC?

HeathernSteven

I was over on the TTTC board reading their posts seeing if i would learn anything, and I read a post that a woman had gotten blindsided by two announcements in one day.

I realized I could be that blindsiding person one day, we have told very few people that we are ttc, because we worried about the stress of people asking how we were are doing, or getting the "eyes" you know the ones, critically checking every pound lost or gained, is she drinking not drinking etc.

I guess its really not possible to surprise people and not everyone will look kindly on the surprise...It just got me thinking.

So have you told people, keeping it to yourselves or telling a select few?

iLoveChocolateMilk5150

We have told absolutely no one. I feel better just sharing my emotions (good and bad) with my SO. We both agreed that where ever this journey leads, we will not share any news until well in to the second trimester if (fingers crossed and praying!) I am able to get KU.

robbensm

I have actually found myself telling more people than I thought I would.  And not just that we are trying but that we are having a hard time.  Seems to have helped with the annoying questions & prying eyes.  I think once they know that we are having a hard time they are a lot more sensitive with the questions & statements. 

DTNZ4Ever

Nope I haven't told anyone. But it's getting hard not to. I just found out 3 people I know are pregnant in the last 2 weeks actually 2 today after AF showed up today. Feeling bummed.

10-4LilBuddy

I've told a few supportive people - a few of my friends, my sister, my mom, my brother.  My DH doesn't want to tell anyone and I respect his feelings, so we compromised by discussing who should know.  Each of these people are very discrete and supportive.  My MIL is on the definite no list since she constantly asks us and has no filter.

One of my friends who I confided in was worried about telling me that she was pregnant.  I really don't feel too terribly upset by news from friends.  To me, it would be like being upset because someone has blue eyes.  My struggles are different than theirs and visa versa.  However, there are two people in the world who would really upset me if they got pregnant - my husband's ex-wife and his sister.  Neither are in relationships and lead pretty unstable lives.  It would impact me too much - financially and emotionally.

 

Llamamama

I told a few close friends in the beginning of this TTC journey but it was SO long ago I think most of them just figure we gave up. 

Occasionally I will be speaking to someone who is TTC and tells me they are.  If they ask me about my status I tell them we are trying but I do not bring it up anymore.  

 

 

happywifemomofone

We have mostly kept all about TTC to ourselves.  My boss knows, because she has to approve my time off when cycling.  I have been lucky (but sometimes it feels like a curse) because people just assumed that we were not going to TTC because I was 40 when we married and my son is now 20.  Sometimes it feels like no one gives a crap, then I have to remember how very few people even know.  I decided to tell my mom about our DE cycle over the holidays, no regrets there.

hollyweenOR

We've pretty much told everyone (not some big fancy announcement, just have brought it up in conversation with most folks we know well, just saying we're going for it, and if it happens, we'll be delighted and if doesn't, there's lots of great life stuff we were planning on doing anyway). And they all know I'm not a spring chicken, and my friends and family are pretty cool, no one is grilling me or being weird or anything. I'm a pretty open book with my closest girlfriends and so they know how my charting's going. One of them is TTC her 2nd, and has had 2 early losses in the last year. Another is due this spring after a really heavy, late loss last year. I think everyone's pretty supportive of whatever happens. And I have a shitty poker face, so if it happens, it won't be a secret for long. At least with the people I'm close to, there's not really any stress.

BeckyP005

It started out with just a few close friends but I added a few more to the mix. I wish I hadn't. My mom knows about the DE part but my MIL doesn't. Everyone is supportive but it's been a long time so most don't even ask anymore except Bubs(who had her baby!!) and another friend that did DE. I'm not sure how I feel on that. Relief on one hand but also disappointed since these are my childhood friends.

We haven't told MIL because she already thinks I'm too old as she told me this last year before even considering DE....errr.

HeathernSteven

I told one person I knew was ttc for a few years, so I wanted her to not be surprised, even though we aren't very close. we have lots of interaction.

I finally told my mom in August, we were cleaning out her "storage room" and she was going to get rid of all my sister and my baby stuff, I had to tell her she would have killed me if she got rid of anything and then I said I was ku! It was a good thing she told me some stuff that was helpful, not needed but very helpful.

However she is starting to ask to many questions, sigh, she is being concerned but starting to do what i didn't want.

And a few classmates know because I used ttc for so many of my papers in grad school!

BAKERMOMHDS

A few close friends and my sister. Sometimes I feel like pulling out my soapbox and shouting from the rooftops "I'm INFERTILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't have anythign nice to say..keep it to yourself!!!!!". However, I restrain myself.

IF I am ever fortunate enough to be pregnant, I suspect the entire pregnancy will be very private between my husband and I.

Snapdragon333

I finally told my mom about TTTC when I had surgery to have my endo removed less than a year ago.  So I've updated her as we have gone along, I know my dad knows about it but I don't talk to him about it.  Even though he'd probably be supportive we aren't all that close and I'm afraid he might have opinions that I don't want to hear especially now that we are doing IVF.  Only a couple of my co-workers know, two people who are in their 50's I KNOW I can trust.  We told dh's parents and sister a while ago that we were trying and having trouble.  His sister had started to offer us baby toys when cleaning out her house, I finally had to speak up to let her know that it was too painful to collect toys without knowing about the future.  I have been pretty particular about who we tell, I'm a pretty private person as it is.       

tampabayRN

My husband and I got married in March and the fact that I am not a spring chicken we get asked all the time.  Most people know that we are trying but don't realize how bad our situation is besides a few people.  But I wish I hadn't told anyone, it just seems to hurt a little bit when someone asks--especially when they have no idea our situation and that not everyone gets knocked up their first go around!

 

Qzees

I told a couple of my best friends along with our family members (parents, sister, brother & SIL along with 3 nieces.  So far my side has been fine, they will occassionally ask - moreso my 2 nieces, they look at me & say "well?"  I know what they are asking, so I just tell them "not yet".  They are 15 & 13 yr old - so they will be a lot older than their cousin if I did have a baby.  On the other hand, his parents are constantly asking "well?"  Then I get the comment "just relax, you worry too much & are trying too hard"  Even his sister who is a nurse & knows better.  Mind you they really don't know what we are doing other than that I take my temp every day.  I really am relaxed & I would like to try harder, but DH feels we do enough LOL.....  I finally snapped back at his dad last weekend & told him I am relaxed, but 43 is only 4 mths away & my chances of getting pregnant at age 43 is like 5%...  He shut up.  I know they mean well, but I guess they really want another grandchild since they only have one.  Dh niece just turned 9, so she is still young...  My parents, whom are 10 yrs older than DH's, already have 3 grandchildren.

We did decide that if we do get ku, that only his parents & mine will know until the 3mth mark.  It will be hard to keep it from my brother, sil & 2 nieces - but I will try to hold off at least until the 2mth mark.  My nieces would be devastated if god forbid I did get ku & ended up mc.

calibride2005

Only my husband, me and another friend of mine knows we are TTC.  We figure, the less people know, the better and LESS stressful!

chucktgirl

Nope. We told no one. We are avoiding other people's questions, disappointment, pity, etc. It's better for us this way.

KateLouise

We've never told people our specific TTC plans.

I've told close friends general plans like, "we'd like 3-4 kids" or, "we'll maybe TTC in the next year or so"

At the moment I've mentioned to a few people that we have no TTC plans until I have some health issues sorted out. 

But I always add in phrases like, "but you know how babies are, they turn up when and if they want to."  Mostly as a reminder that there are no guarantees, so basically a pre-emptive, "back off with your excitement/questions."

PunkyBooster

No. I am not a sharer, by nature though. 

I have one son and didn't make family announcement of pregnancy until nearly 11 weeks. Did not share with friends/work/the rest of the world (lol) until 14 weeks.

I think it is a personal choice- some people are naturally open and like to let people know what is going on. It just so happens I am not one of them at all.  

little_bren

DH and I have told no family members. Only a couple of my close friends know and a couple others who happened to ask. I literally know around 40 people who are pregnant or had a baby fairly recently. It's sick really. But anyway, it's come out in girl talk with a few of my preggo friends. We want to keep it fairly intimate between DH and I (pun noted har har har) and since it's our first, we'd like it to be a surprise to our families, etc. if possible. That being said, sometimes I just need to talk to a girl as sweet as DH is. He's still a guy and sometimes looks at me blankly when I talk to him about some of the details of conceiving. We haven't been trying for that long though so it's not uber painful at this point.

73jewels

Like a few others who posted, I got married last year and was already 38.  My friends and family all know I always wanted children, so pretty much from our wedding night (Actually even before our wedding), everyone has asked me if I'm pregnant yet.  It does get a little annoying.  We have been trying since about 2 months after we got married but due to work schedules (my husband travels a lot), we have only "seriously" tried for about 4 of those months.  I had to tell my mother to stop asking every time I see her... I will let her know when there is something to know!

I have really only shared the struggle and my fears about not being able to conceive at my age with 2 people (outside of my husband).  My best friend (who is a Nurse practicioner), and my closest friend at work.  I didn't mean to tell the work person, but we talk so much it just kind of slipped out.  It is nice to have the support of those 2, but I don't really want anyone else involved in it.  My answer to the myriad of questions is usually, "we'll see what happens!" and then I change the topic.  Other then my mother, people usually get the hint at that point.

little_bren

I forgot when I posted that I was browsing this board. I apologize if that bothered anyone.