Blended Families

Communication question/Presumed Paternity vent

So this is kind of a 2 part post, partly a question, partly just venting.  So SO and BM agreed when they split up they would communicate through email and she even made an email address specifically for this purpose.  Then as soon as SO actually emailed her about a problem,her not doing any of the driving, suddenly she had no email access and would only communicate with him through written letters, which was annoying but fine.  So he would email her and she would respond with a letter at pick up/drop off and he would also email her if they had a verbal conversation which was important just kind of saying just confirming what we talked about in person, so it was in writing.  He also cc'd himself on any emails to her so he would have proof of what they said/they were sent.  Well this week she wrote him a letter that email was getting too difficult for her since she has no access, although she actually proved she does by writing things in her letters like "I was not happy when I woke up and read your email that said xyz", so she deleted her email address and they can now only communicate verbally or by letter.

SO is not that happy about this but there isn't really anything he can do.  My question is, is there anything SO should be doing when he writes her a letter so he can prove he actually gave it to her/what it said or should this not be a problem?  I thought of taking a pic but we did that once and you can't see what it says and that still doesn't prove he gave it to BM and mailing letters seemed kind of ridiculous since they see each other 3 times a week.  Also he now has no way to have proof of what she says/does at pick ups drop offs which has been a problem in the past.  I go with him usually to PU/DO but i stay in the car and the way the driveway/door is set up I can not see or hear anything that is done or said so it is not much help and meeting at a neutral local or something is not an option since BM will not do any driving even the 50 percent she is CO to do now.  I just do not want SO to somehow get screwed, especially since we just found out at Dr's visits, which she has not told him about even though she is supposed to, she always tells the Dr that LO comes back from his house and "suddenly" something is wrong with her and BM has "no idea" whats been going on there, which is ridiculous and usually untrue.  

 

I know this is already crazy long so thank you to anyone that has stuck with it.  So hear is the presumed paternity vent.  So less than 1 month after SO and BM split up she got pregnant by someone else.  She hid this fact and did not say anything about it when they were divorced in August.  She did not start to show until around her 3rd trimester, she is a larger person, and when she did SO suspected she was pregnant but didn't want to pry etc.  Well she finally told him she was pregnant in December and she is due this month.  The problem is they were married when she conceived and the birth is within 300 days of there divorce and our state has presumed paternity law.  Well luckily I read something about it and mentioned it to SO since BM has not brought up anything about this.  So SO texted BM saying they need to take care of this and he got the info and the form they have to sign and that they need to figure out a time to go get it notarized, and I am just hoping she does not make this difficult.  It is just annoying to have to deal with it at all and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she just did not know about the law.

 

So there is my very long post, thanks for sticking with it if you did and sorry if it sounds whiney, it has been a very long 2 months and I think I just needed to get some stuff out.

Re: Communication question/Presumed Paternity vent

  • If the documentation is important, make a copy of the written letter, label them 1 of 2 and 2 of 2, make her sign and date both when he gives her hers so you have a signature saying she recieved a copy. Otherwise notify her that all verbal communication with be recorded from there on out for the records of both parties, and I'd offer her a digital copy of all recordings so she has equal records.
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  • imageemcmac87:
    SO is not that happy about this but there isn't really anything he can do.  My question is, is there anything SO should be doing when he writes her a letter so he can prove he actually gave it to her/what it said or should this not be a problem?  I thought of taking a pic but we did that once and you can't see what it says and that still doesn't prove he gave it to BM and mailing letters seemed kind of ridiculous since they see each other 3 times a week.  Also he now has no way to have proof of what she says/does at pick ups drop offs which has been a problem in the past. 

    You can always mail letters "certified" or with a signature required or whatever.  It "seems ridiculous" sure, but the fact is that if she is forcing his hand here and he feels he NEEDS proof/written documentation of their conversations then this is the way it has to be.  Also, he can go back to court and a mediator can assist in determining the most appropriate way for them to communicate.  And then she will HAVE to abide by what the court decides (i.e. get an e-mail or mail letters, or whatever).

    imageemcmac87:
    and meeting at a neutral local or something is not an option since BM will not do any driving even the 50 percent she is CO to do now. 

    Why has he not taken her back to court for contempt?  If she is violating the CO by not doing the driving she is ordered to do, then he can go to court for contempt.  And during that hearing/discussion he can bring up the communication issues and have the court determine how they are supposed to communicate.

    imageemcmac87:
    I just do not want SO to somehow get screwed, especially since we just found out at Dr's visits, which she has not told him about even though she is supposed to, she always tells the Dr that LO comes back from his house and "suddenly" something is wrong with her and BM has "no idea" whats been going on there, which is ridiculous and usually untrue.  

    Again, if she is supposed to be telling him about appointments (per court order) then take her to court for contempt.  She will continue to get away with this B.S. if you guys keep letting her.

    imageemcmac87:
    I know this is already crazy long so thank you to anyone that has stuck with it.  So hear is the presumed paternity vent.  So less than 1 month after SO and BM split up she got pregnant by someone else.  She hid this fact and did not say anything about it when they were divorced in August.  She did not start to show until around her 3rd trimester, she is a larger person, and when she did SO suspected she was pregnant but didn't want to pry etc.  Well she finally told him she was pregnant in December and she is due this month.  The problem is they were married when she conceived and the birth is within 300 days of there divorce and our state has presumed paternity law.  Well luckily I read something about it and mentioned it to SO since BM has not brought up anything about this.  So SO texted BM saying they need to take care of this and he got the info and the form they have to sign and that they need to figure out a time to go get it notarized, and I am just hoping she does not make this difficult.  It is just annoying to have to deal with it at all and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she just did not know about the law.


    If she does try to make it difficult, have him get a lawyer, go to court and request a paternity test.
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  • Ditto PP.

    If she isn't holding up her obligations under the court-ordered Custody Agreement, haul her back into court for it.  Add the issue about communication.  Put email back on the agenda.  And since you will be in court anyway, get an order for a paternity test so that she doesn't try to come after you guys years from now for child support.

    and I would probably ask for a paternity test on the current child as well.  BM seems like a real peach. 

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