Blended Families

would you document this?

So bm was served her papers on Wednesday morning about our motion to file for full custody. When dh went to pick up sd for our Wednesday visitation she completely ignored him. He walkedover to her car to talk to her and she locked the doors and turned her back to him. Ok, she's pissed, whatever. When sd got off the bus she had to go to the bathroom so bm brought sd home like 500ft and dh waited for her. When dh went to drop sd off that night, bm and her dh both came outside. Bm told sd to hurry and get in the house, then her dh started going offon dh for driving on his grass earlier that afternoon. Firstly, the dh wasn't even home when dh picked up sd, secondly, there is a foot of snow outside, there is no grass. Him and bm were being very confrontational, cursing etc. Dh just said whatever and got in his car and left. he doesn't think we should document it, because let's be serious, its petty and stupid. But that's just it, it shows bm's petty, ridiculous, confrontational side, and it shows that its how she reacted to being served.
We have a lot of documentiation already which shows bm's outragious confrontational side, and even some of the things when she gets pissed and throws fits over completely petty things, so I'm torn.
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Re: would you document this?

  • It can't hurt! My DH documents EVERYTHING. Even if its not "useful" in court, it still shows that he is taking this seriously and not going away.
  • I probably would. We have 70 pages of printed texts and emails from Bm making her look like an ss. Our magistrate probably won't read every one but once he gets to page five I'm sure he will get the theme
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  • I would, but the first part sounds nonconfrontational to me. So if it was just this, I would kind of call it a wash.
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  • I don't think I would document it. You have to expect that she wouldn't have been happy to be served papers. Yes, she should be an adult and not react the way that she and DH did...but, it's not like it was coming from nowhere. They reacted inappropriately to something. It's not like they were being completely irrational for no reason though.

    DH and I have been documenting everything for YEARS. DH served BM with papers last winter and the whole court proceedings began a while later. DH hasn't been given the opportunity to produce any documentation at all since court began. He has been told that they were to start off fresh. This was very frustrating to us because it felt like most of our concerns were not being taken seriously. DH and BM's trial is to begin this winter/spring. Hopefully DH will be able to use some of the documentation then but we're doubtful.

    So, I guess it wouldn't hurt to document BM and her DH's reaction...but I think that the court might think it's a bit petty. Their reaction didn't cause any harm to SD (not to say that other confrontations etc. haven't) and, really, they reacted to something they were very upset with. They were using your DH "driving on the grass" as an excuse to be confrontational about how upset they were about being served. So while it seems petty, it is understandable that they would be upset.

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  • Well, I'd probably make a note of it (that they accused him of XYZ and the reasons it was false - snow and he wasn't there) just so that he can remember the situation if she ever tries to bring it up again. 

    If he feels that BM and her H and being threatening/hostile/aggressive during exchanges, he should be able to request a civil standby (police officer). My dad has done this, and he said most officers would prefer to be called out there as a witness "for no reason" than to be called later if a fight broke out. Then BM would probably think twice about her behavior and YH would have a neutral party in case something serious happened. 

  • I would document the cursing and confrontational points, the things that are said and done in front of SD. Not so much to show a Judge, "hey look what a jerk BM is", but to use as reasons to have the exchanges either be done in a public place or to have it put in the CO that the dropping off party is to stay at the car while the receiving party stays at the front door. This way, SD walks from the car to the door, and there is no interaction between DH and BM.
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  • You can document it, and then only use it if you need to, ykwim? 

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