who do i invite to my baby shower?

rpalen29

Do I go off my bridal shower/wedding invite list? There's a few cousins, and a few aunts I had a falling out with. I invited them to the wedding, and they never showed up because I didn't invite my cousins baby daddy (who is currently in and out of jail). Do I still invite them, even though I haven't talked to them, and they probably don't even know i'm pregnant? Or do I be the bigger person, invite them, and they'll probably ignore the invite anyway? 

1026pumpkin

Since a shower is primarily a gift-giving event for the mom to be, I don't think you need to worry about offending people who don't get invited.  I'd ask your host how many people she can accommodate, and stick to family members and friends that you see on a regular basis.  You mentioned some of your relatives don't even know you're pregnant- I think that's a good litmus test- if someone isn't close enough to you to know that you're pregnant, you can probably leave them off your list.

You can always send out announcements after LO is here to your wedding invite list to let people know that you have an new addition. 

EastCoastBride

A- its a shower, not a wedding. 

B - your wedding has nothing todo w your baby shower.

 So, no, don't invite people who you have no relationship with. Its a gift giving event. Invite people you are close to and actually have a relationship with.  

BeckyTheEngineer

I think that it could be nice if you want to reach out to these relatives but that a shower is the wrong format. If you do want to get a better relationship going by all means give them a call, email, or whatever. It might be a great time now, since you could call to share with them that you are pregnant.

But for the shower, do you really want people there who you are not really speaking with? If I was that relative and got an invite, I might think that you were just fishing for gifts. I would not invite them.

danuli8

My criteria for inviting someone were pretty simple: Do I genuinely like this person and want to enjoy their company for a lovely afternoon together? Will they be happy for me and my pregnancy? Do I spend time with them on a semi-regular basis? If the answer was "yes" to all, they got invited. My invite list had 25 people on it.

mhickey426

In my opinion they are still family and I think it is the right thing to invite them.  The worse that happens is you tried to be nice by including them but you loose out on the cost of an invite. You obviously seemed to be concerned about their feelings, otherwise, you wouldn't even be considering them as invites. This could be an ice breaker if you want to try to have a relationship with them again. I don't think inviting your aunt and first cousins is being gift grabby. 

mel8255

Final say comes from the host. But if the host leaves it up to you, I wouldn't invite. Less drama and you can focus on having a good time.

I also subscribe to the theory that the only time you see people should not be an event where they give you a gift. I totally recognize you are trying to extend the olive branch, but pick a different forum.

EastCoastBride

mel8255:

I also subscribe to the theory that the only time you see people should not be an event where they give you a gift. I totally recognize you are trying to extend the olive branch, but pick a different forum.

This.  If you want to reach out and make amends, do so outside of a gift giving event. 

And I'm still wondering who all these women are who get butt hurt at not being invited to showers for people who they aren't close to or are even not talking to!  Yes, there are some people like that out there- but to listen to these boards, they seem to run rampant.  But yet - I don't know anyone myself who would ever be upset to not be invited to a shower for someone they aren't close to.

ChevyFam717

We went based on our wedding invite list... BUT word of warning: 

My MIL insisted on inviting 25 people that live out of town or out of state. I now feel like that was really gift grabby and I know they probably won't be able to make it but she didn't want anyone to "feel excluded if a local family member brought it up" We pretty muchy sent invites to all the wives from our wedding invitation list (she didn't even know some of their first or last names)!

To top it all off - she is only contributing the cake to the shower cost... I can understand having an indication on the guest list if you were co-hosting but just inviting people "even though they probably won't come" is really annoying...

I wish I would have put my foot down & said no then send a birth announcement to all of these people instead. I'd rather have a smaller shower with people that I actually KNOW there...

Also - DO NOT have your host indicate "Regrets Only" on the invitation - I am really regretting it right now. We have 2 weeks til the shower and only 3 regrets (from over 75 invites) and we know that about 20-25 probably won't come because they live out of town!

rhubarb123

How is inviting someone you have "had a falling out with" and didn't bother coming to your wedding, but yet your asking for gifts from, being the bigger person?  Do not invite them.

I only invited cousins I was close with (my 2nd cousin actually hosted my shower) - same with aunts.  Most of my guests consisted of friends and maybe 1/3 family.

BTW...if your cousin was cohabitating with her baby's daddy he should have been invited IMO or at least her invite should have said "and guest".  I don't blame her for not attending your wedding - I wouldn't have attended either if I was living with my SO and he wasn't invited.