so tired..

kgauntt

I may be completely unreasonable here.. I don't even know anymore, but I need to vent. I've been having issues with my MIL since day one of my daughter's life. MIL hates that I BF and was vocal about it in the beginning, saying she wasn't getting enough nutrients and needed to be on solids at 2 months of age. 'my boys were all on vegetables at 2 months!' Ya know, all that older generation crap. Well, that started it off. It got pretty bad and finally my husband had to talk to her about it and she shut up pretty fast and apologized. A couple months went by and I cooled off and started to let her babysit a couple days a week while I worked. I specifically told her when she first started watching her that I didn't want anything in her crib whatsoever when she was napping, even wrote it down. I came home and she said 'do you ever put a little blanket on her to help her feel secure? I have been and she's fine.' I told her no and my husband had to correct her yet again. I realize that some people do and I'm not that strict about it now that she's older. I didn't start solids until she was 6 months and she always comments on how tiny she is when she is actually in the 75th percentile on weight. She also doesn't really take to solids still and MIL thinks it's insane that she isn't eating more and that she stills drinks a ton of BM. 'something is wrong there!' Everytime I speak to her on the phone she questions every decision I make for MY daughter. You cannot talk to this woman, she thinks she is always right. I do trust her with my daughter's safety as I know she loves her very much, but.... I feel like she wants her for herself. Sometimes I feel like telling her to go adopt a baby so she can raise it her own way. I never have questioned the way she raised her boys, I've simply just told her what I want to be done with my baby. Her attitude is wearing on me quick and she only babysits twice a week. I'm just exhausted with her. I can't do anything right and it's getting to the point where it makes me sick leaving my baby with her. All I keep thinking about is if something happens to me, this woman will be practically raising my child while my husband works. Crazy right? She got her chance to raise her babies, this is my baby... ugh.

Jess & Drew

This sounds exactly like my MIL! Only difference is I don't trust my MIL with DD. She gets flustered too easily, and I don't trust her to keep a level head in an emergency. And when DH goes against her "suggestions" and tells her that we are doing things our way/the way our ped suggests, she will follow up by sending an e-mail saying "Granny's Feeding (sleeping, clothing, etc) Tips". Seriously?!? One time she went so far as to tell me that I will be sorry for not doing it her way. Freaking let me raise my child. If you want another one so bad, then go find a man and get busy. Things have changed since you raised your children nearly 30 and 40 years ago. Sorry, now I'm all fired up Anyways, I don't know how to help you deal with it because I obviously can't even deal with my own, but at least know that you aren't alone. 

picklesx

I think maybe you and/or DH needs to have a sit-down with her and explain your feelings in a calm and mature manner. 

"While I appreciate your input and advice about caring for DD, sometimes the way that you speak to me about what I should or should not be doing really upsets me. I realize that you only want to help and want what is best for DD, just as DH & I do, but please respect the way that we are choosing to raise her. When we leave her with you, we expect for you to follow the routines that we do and not stray from them."

Something along those lines. If she continues, I would be much more stern with her the next conversation you have and tell her that you flat out won't stand for her telling you what to do or doing things her own way when you have flat out told her you don't want this or that. If she still doesn't respect your wishes, personally I would start limiting her time alone with her.

littleredfish

I'd sit down with her and basically tell her the last line of your post. Plain and simple. You don't need to justify your reasons. Just that. If she tries to continue the discussion just say you will ASK for her opinion if you need it but otherwise, what you said stands.

That was the last discussion I had with my MIL. Right before we left her house. She said "I hope you're arn't still cross with me" and I said "I've said everything I had to say but I will remind you that she is MY baby. You had 4 babies and raised them how you wanted and fed them what you wanted. Now it's our turn and you just need to trust that what we are doing is best for her and us. All we ask is that you respect that."

kgauntt

I know a discussion needs to be had, I'm just dreading it. She's going to do her whole crying bit saying 'nobody ever asks me for my advice.. wah wah wah'... Well, she's never given me one piece of good advice, ever. I think I need to cool off a little first, because I'm just so mad about the whole thing.
Jess, that whole email thing is crazy! I can't believe someone would do that! I don't even know what I would do about that.

lyndsey774

No advice here...DH and I are going through it too and unfortunately it's my mom (and sometimes dad).  My mom has been CRAZY excited about Lincoln since the moment he was born.  She calls me 2-4 times a day.  Stops by our house uninvited and unannounced.  We even work in the same office 3 times a week and I bring LO with me so it's not like she never sees him, although she acts like she never gets to see him (and says so).  She even goes so far as to say she is depressed when she goes a day or so without seeing him.  She is constantly trying to give LO junk food (soda pop, chocolate, whip cream, mocha milk shake)  against my wishes.  She says she's just giving him "tastes", but even when I say "ok, that's enough", she still gives him more!  And when I flat out refuse to give him something or let her give it to him she says "Oh Lincoln, your mommy holds you back from so much!"  She also is in the habit of saying "Lincoln, I love you more than anyone else loves you!"  I CAN NOT IMAGINE ever telling someone I love them more than their mother.  It's just horrible.   

While I'm on a roll, I have asked her repeatedly to give me some freaking space when I am buckling LO in this car seat (you know how difficult that can be with a squirming baby) but she always wedges herself in there so my arms bump her and I have to step back to let her at him.  I could go on and on.  I want a good relationship with my mom. I do. I want a healthy mother daughter relationship but I'm so mad at her all the time.  I don't understand when I became the parent and she became the child.  When she goes to give him food I want to grab her wrist and say "Stop doing things I have repeatedly asked you not to do!!!!"  I will say it soon.  I have to.  Because she is damaging our relationship, and the worst part is she knows it.  And she can't / won't stop. 

kgauntt

lyndsey774:

No advice here...DH and I are going through it too and unfortunately it's my mom and sometimes dad.nbsp; My mom has beennbsp;CRAZY excited about Lincoln since the moment he was born.nbsp; She calls me 24 times a day.nbsp; Stops by our house uninvited and unannounced.nbsp; We even work in the same office 3 times a week and I bring LO with me so it's not like she never sees him, although she acts like she never gets to see him and says so.nbsp; She even goes so far as to say she is depressed when she goes a day or so without seeing him.nbsp; She is constantly trying to give LO junk food soda pop, chocolate, whip cream, mocha milk shakenbsp; against my wishes.nbsp; She says she's just giving him "tastes", but even when I say "ok, that's enough", she still gives him more!nbsp; And when I flat out refuse to give him something or let her give it to him she says "Oh Lincoln, your mommy holds you back from so much!"nbsp; She also is in the habit of saying "Lincoln, I love you more than anyone else loves you!"nbsp; I CAN NOTnbsp;IMAGINE ever telling someone I love them more than their mother.nbsp; It's just horrible.nbsp; nbsp;While I'm on a roll, I have asked her repeatedly to give me some freaking space when I am buckling LO in this car seat you know how difficult that cannbsp;be with a squirming babynbsp;but she always wedges herself in there so my arms bump her and I have to step back to let her at him.nbsp; I could go on and on.nbsp; I want a good relationship with my mom.nbsp;I do.nbsp;I want a healthy mother daughter relationship but I'm so mad at her all the time.nbsp; I don't understand when I became the parent and she became the child.nbsp; When she goes to give him food I want to grab her wrist and say "Stop doing things I have repeatedly asked you not to do!!!!"nbsp; I will say it soon.nbsp; I have to.nbsp; Because she is damaging our relationship, and the worst part is she knows it.nbsp; And she can't / won't stop.nbsp;

Oh my goodness!

I know they did things so much differently back then and by admitting it was bad they would think that would be admitting to bad parenting, but... I don't understand why they continue to not listen to us when it is OUR child. I'm sorry you're dealing with it from your own mom. I hope things get better soon.