would you or do you

&babymakes5

Send you child to the BF's house with the crappiest cloths you can find.  I was doing laundry last night and my SD's underwear had holes all over them and her jeans are so worn out she has to wear leggings under to keep a draft out (and they aren't made that way)  her dad asked her about it and she said they are all she has! UGGHHH I would be mortified to send my child somewhere looking like that have having worn out underwear.  Needless to say I am glad her stocking had a weeks worth of new panties in it.

cole2144

We do not share clothes because BM does not allow it. So SD goes back in the same thing she comes in and more and more they are clothes that are a size too small and ratty looking. We have a full wardrobe here so we change SD when she gets here.

jnjmommy0609

No I wouldn't...not on purpose anyways. Sometimes DS will come home in clothes that I sent him in and they will have a hole that I didn't notice before sending him off. If they are noticeably worn out I save them for play clothes for decent weather or hack them up into rags.

mom2one

No. Last year DS was coming back from weekends at his dad's in clothes that were too small so I shipped a box of Old Navy clothes there. That solved the problem for a while anyway. lol

UberBiz

No, never. I always send my DD to her father's in very nice clothes. And an extra pair to come home in. He has a separate wardrobe for her at his house, which is also very nice (he always had a better fashion sense than I do!).

awesomenus1341

SS goes home in whatever he came in. Usually it's clothes that have stains or are getting too small (once he came with clothes that looked about 3x too big). He has come in his Halloween costume, with holes in it. I have bought him his last 2 pairs of new shoes because his toes were practically sticking through his old ones the first time, and the second time, he was struggling to get them on his feet and complaining that his feet hurt because they were getting too small. I mentioned the shoe thing to BM the second time (basically just asked if she was planning on getting him shoes for Christmas because if not I was going to get some) and she said she hadn't even thought about it. His clothes are also usually dirty because he gets home from daycare and plays outside until we pick him up. I say I would never send my kid anywhere looking like that, but I don't have any. We have had to come home and have him change into our clothes before taking him places though. I always wash his clothes Friday night, and he goes back in them on Sunday, no matter what she sends because the few times we sent him in clothes from our house it was like pulling teeth to try to get them back. We also put him in our clothes Sunday to play in and change him right before BM gets here to pick him up, so that his clothes are still clean when he goes home.

sabrina69barnes

Yes, depending on the situation, I would and I have.

If the BF is responsible and sends things back in the condition they came in then no, this is unreasonable. It sounds like that's the case with you.

If the child shows up to BF with nice things but when the come back to BM the clothes are completely ruined then, yes it's fine. This was the case when I was the BM. I started sending DS in hand me down play clothes from my little brother. They had holes and stains and I knew they would need to be thrown out when DS got home anyway.

dor79

We used to buy my step kids lots and lots of clothes and BM would always send their too short pants, too tight pants, or pants with holes in them and then the kids would go back in our nice new stuff.  (she really did not see the point of spending money on two wardrobes for ever growing kids). 

We still buy them a lot of clothes but she has started buying more and more as well..... but our teens don't seem to like to change their clothing no matter how much we beg and pleed.

&babymakes5

Let me say that SD is 16 years old and lives three hours away so when she is here it is for longer periods of time ie a week at Christmas, Spring Break, several weeks during summer etc.  We do not keep another wardrobe for her at our house but usually buy her nice things when she is here and they never seem to make it back to be worn again.  I wonder if it is a ploy by BM so that she will get new things when she comes to visit but I really think she just doesn't buy her anything on a regular basis.  I know the child support is paid on time and she works and so does her husband so I am sorry but buy the damn kid some underwear!!

twister22

The crappiest clothes I can find? No. Clothes that I personally don't care for? Yes.

My kids wear nicer clothes, and I put effort into putting together cute outfits. I buy most of their clothing. Anything that gets sent to BD's gets stained, has holes in them, or never comes back. So, I am in no way inclined to send clothes that I spent my hard earned money on to get ruined or to never be seen again. DS gets a small box of hand-me-downs from a cousin once or twice a year, and they are clothes that are in good condition, but personally not my style. So I will send DS in those clothes because I don't care if they're ruined. Nothing is wrong with the clothing, it's just not upsetting to me if it gets ruined, ykwim?

&babymakes5

I totally understand sending them in something you don't care for but is not in ruins.  The crap that she is bringing is ruined I would not even consider donating these things to charity, I am embarrased to be seen in public with her in this stuff.

bebe11

As a BM I am starting to get strick about which clothes my DD wears to her BF's house and it is only because I buy her nice things and I have never been nit picky about it.  However lately she will come home in crap clothes and the nice new ones I buy end up staying at her Dad's and I get to hear her complain that she doesn't have anythig to wear.

But I don't make a big deal about it and often I tell her she can wear something over there as long as she brings it home and she is getting pretty good about doing that (she is 11).

fellesferie

I sent four pairs of brand new socks w/ DS when he went to see XH and xILs for Christmas. Zero came home.

He also had relatively new shoelaces in his tennis shoes. When he came home the aglets were missing and the ends of the laces had been burned to fine tips.

He has almost never come home with the toothbrush and toothpaste I send with him.

Every single trip I lose swimsuits, shirts, or jeans.

I have lost shoes and jackets before.

Sometimes--only sometimes--I get a pile of clothes back once DS has grown out of them. That almost makes me angrier than not getting them back at all.  

If XH or any of his family ever complain to me about DS not having enough clothes or whatever, my head might explode.

2chatter

I am lucky in that BD sends back whatever the girls wear - washed and folded - so I do get it back.  I am unlucky because his attention to detail sucks - he will buy them red sluprees and let them spill on white shirts, wash and dry them and set the stain.  So I send the girls in things I don't care about, with the exception of school uniforms, about which he is for some reason more careful (I think they change quickly is why). 

For step kids, we buy them clothes then they wear them to custodial BM's, and we never see them again.  This is an issue because SD tends to dress like she has a corner - for church.  We buy appropriate clothes and she shows up with micro minis and tanks.  Frustrating.

lookame3639

I have sent DS to my ex's in brand new clothes and he has come back in holes and pants to small. He's kept coats, jackets, boots ect and sends DS back in their *** clothes. I've resorted to sending him in bad clothes only to get b!tched at for not sending "proper" clothes then he turned around and flat out admitted to keeping DS good clothes. It eventually came to a head when he sent a hat with DS and DS took it to school and he didn't see it for a month...then he told me if I sent the hat back then I'd get the good clothes back. 

Either way I have resorted to sending over one outfit, whatever DS comes home in gets sent right back. Ex can bicker and moan all he wants but clothes are expensive and I can't afford to keep stocking his closet....man I wish I didn't have to send old clothes I would much prefer to trust I'll get the original outfit back... 

lookame3639

Oh I've even tried to put my name in the clothes and they STILL disappear! However underware with holes is not an option...DS goes in undies and socks which are appropriate.

ldmessing

Ss has this hideous jacket that I can't stand, I sent him to his mothers in it I hopes that it does t come back lol

sweetdreamz6700

SS's come and go in whatever they are wearing at the time. Its frustrating since yes, they come to us in things that have far to many holes in them, are stained or just don't fit. We've only asked for a handful of items to come back to us. I honestly feel bad for them having to be in the middle. BM always has them bring clothes back to her house and they stress over it for a couple of days when they are w/ us. We have 50/50 so its a wash either way. Even though we lose a few outfits a year its just clothes. The boys don't need to worry about it. Its not like the grownups are wearing them. lol

+just+j+

I think what you put your children in, how they act, what they say and do... is all a reflection of you. So no, I would not put my child in crappy clothes to go anywhere.