grandmom is taking over

krobinson3311

Ok, I am really not trying to vent- but does anyone out there feel like their mother is taking over their baby?? We have never been a really "close" mom and daughter but now that I have a baby she calls/texts multiple times per day, and I'm pretty sure she thinks my son is hers. So to the point..... (sorry) last night we went to dinner and she was cutting up fruit for my 21 month old, took out a steak knife, and let him hold it with her to help her cut the fruit up..... So of course I said that I really do not want him to hold a knife, she was really rude and did it 2 more times before i told her firmly to stop. She actually argued with me that anytime they show him something like this he is always supervised...>!!!! what? maybe its me but I do not think any child should help cut up fruit- or anything else supervised or not!

RondackHiker

You need to put your foot down and tell her that you are the mom and it is your choice. If she doesn't listen, take your child and leave.

When she gave your kid the knife a second time, that was when you should have told her that bc she wasn't listening and respecting your role as a parent, picked up your daughter, paid, and left.

You don't need to respond to calls or texts. I wouldn't leave your child with her, since she doesn't listen.

Spapeggy

I let my son help cook
And also let him help cut up stuff if I'm holding it too. So nbd in my opinion, I'd be mad about her not listening to your wishes

The Nap Taker

Spapeggy:

I let my son help cook And also let him help cut up stuff if I'm holding it too. So nbd in my opinion, I'd be mad about her not listening to your wishes

This. I don't see the big deal about it. I also let things roll off my back and don't get to bent out of shape about stuff. Now if she just gave him the knife and was letting him run around the diner with it I would say something. Sounds like she was just showing him how to "cut" things and was watching him and you were watching too. sounds like a no biggie to me.

I also talk to my mom many times a day, sometimes 3-4 times. So I am probably biased. 

EastCoastBride

Her not listening to you is definitely an issue and on that, I'm 100% w/ you.

But when SHOULD a child learn to cut?  And how?  If you feel 21 months is too young, that's fine.  But at some point this is actually a skill you'll need to start teaching your child.  DS just turned 4.  We've easily been working on this concept for the past year and we have a friend who developed child friendly "knives" specifically so that you can teach them to cut and let them cut on their own safely. 

IncognitoSuperhero

Him helping to hold the knife while she is cutting doesn't seem like a bug deal to me. I say, pick your battles. Give your kid some freedom when it comes to things like this...she was holding the knife also so he wasn't in danger.

RondackHiker

The Nap Taker:

Spapeggy:

I let my son help cook
And also let him help cut up stuff if I'm holding it too. So nbd in my opinion, I'd be mad about her not listening to your wishes

This. I don't see the big deal about it. I also let things roll off my back and don't get to bent out of shape about stuff. Now if she just gave him the knife and was letting him run around the diner with it I would say something. Sounds like she was just showing him how to "cut" things and was watching him and you were watching too. sounds like a no biggie to me.

I also talk to my mom many times a day, sometimes 3-4 times. So I am probably biased. 

I let DS cut too, and talk to my mom a lot as well. But OP isn't close to her mom and seems upset. She could be over reacting or not being clear that something bugs her, but her mom should still respect a "mom, don't do that."

Gracey_Manor Maid

I think you need to put your foot down as well. My moms and I are close but I have had to do this with them a few times. Sometimes I think whenparents become grandparents they forget what being a parent was like haha.

But seriously You shouldn't have to ask her to not do something more than once and she should respect you enough as mom to not argue back.

for the record I help penny cut her food and let her hold the knife (while I am also holding it) and we started around 19-20 months. but again it's up to you when your ready to start teaching this skill not your mom.

Hesterlicious

RondackHiker:

You need to put your foot down and tell her that you are the mom and it is your choice. If she doesn't listen, take your child and leave.

When she gave your kid the knife a second time, that was when you should have told her that bc she wasn't listening and respecting your role as a parent, picked up your daughter, paid, and left.

You don't need to respond to calls or texts. I wouldn't leave your child with her, since she doesn't listen.

All this exactly. Your child. Your rules. If she can't respect your wishes she doesn't need to see your child. Your kid will pick up on the lack of respect and it won't turn out well.

krobinson3311

Thank you everyone, good points, I just really worry he will get hurt, and wasnt not comfortable with that- I let him cook with me but not use a knife yet. On a side note--she also bought my son a potty seat when he was 17 months old and tried to start potty training him without me-or even asking me- you see what Im working with here??

Gracey_Manor Maid

krobinson3311:

Thank you everyone, good points, I just really worry he will get hurt, and wasnt not comfortable with that- I let him cook with me but not use a knife yet. On a side note--she also bought my son a potty seat when he was 17 months old and tried to start potty training him without me-or even asking me- you see what Im working with here??

oh no I think we all totally get it wasn't so much about the helping him cut and use the knife as it was about the lack of repect she is showing you. Honestly like we have said you need to put your foot down. Your kid your rules.  

RondackHiker

krobinson3311:

Thank you everyone, good points, I just really worry he will get hurt, and wasnt not comfortable with that I let him cook with me but not use a knife yet. On a side noteshe also bought my son a potty seat when he was 17 months old and tried to start potty training him without meor even asking me you see what Im working with here??

It's not worth getting upset. Just say, "Thank you so much! This will be so helpful when it's time to potty train."

No discussion needed. If she tries to push you to pt, then say you and your DH will decide when it is time.

Her buying you a potty chair doesn't mean anything. It's an early gift but not something to be upset about. If she tried to PT behind your back, that would be irritating.

krobinson3311

oh that is exactly what she was trying to do-- when i went over to pick the baby up she took off his diaper and showed me how he sits on his potty!  I did tell her to put it away, which she did for about a month, then she brought it out again, started to try and teach him again behind my back, until i found the seat out again, told her to put it away and she insisted he was ready-- but finally agreed to disagree with me and put it away...

RondackHiker

krobinson3311:

oh that is exactly what she was trying to do when i went over to pick the baby up she took off his diaper and showed me how he sits on his potty!nbsp; I did tell her to put it away, which she did for about a month, then she brought it out again, started to try and teach him again behind my back, until i found the seat out again, told her to put it away and she insisted he was ready but finally agreed to disagree with me and put it away...

Why is he over there unsupervised if you don't trust them to listen and keep him safe?

Sitting on the potty won't hurt him, but I wouldn't leave my kid with someone who didn't try and follow my rules.

Don't leave him with her.

krobinson3311

Its odd, I dont think the would put him in any danger, my main concern is that  they def do not listen to anything i say, so I really do try to pick my battles with her, I really just think she is trying to strong arm me on my parenting, I know she raised 2 kids but that was a Long time ago, and I am a great mom, he is my whole world. I just need a polite way to tell her to BACK OFF!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

chiualover

Woah.... I can't even fathom the fresh hell my daughter

would let loose on me if I acted like that.

Nip her in the bud...now!

Signed,

A Grandmom

RondackHiker

krobinson3311:

Its odd, I dont think the would put him in any danger,nbsp;my main concern is that nbsp;they def do not listen to anything i say, so I really do try to pick my battles with her, I really just think she is trying to strong arm me on my parenting, I know she raised 2 kids but that was a Long time ago, and I am a great mom, he is my whole world. I just need a polite way to tell her to BACK OFF!

"Mom, I love you. And I love that you love DS. I know you did a good job raising me, but now I'm a mom myself. DS is my child, and DH and I will make decisions for him. I need you to respect the decisions we make, and not argue or ignore my choices. I want you to be a big part of his life, and don't want limit contact because you keep undermining me."

But you need to back it up. Pretty words don't make things better. If you tell her not to bring out the potty chair till you say, and she does anyway, are you prepared to stop letting her watch DS for awhile?

How often is he over there? If she is your daycare, this is more complicated.

krobinson3311

thank you!!!

klondikebar

I understand that it's important for other people to follow your parenting rules, but if someone wants to help start PTing your kid, don't tell them no!

Disneygeek77

Yeah I wouldn't stand for that either.  She is undermining you as a parent and that means you need to talk to her.  Be calm and collected but direct.  Let her know there will be consequences for not listening to you wishes, then back up what you say if need be. 

Wufroggy79

BostonKisses2:

Put your foot down.  Your kid, your rules.  If she's doing something you don't approve of, nip it in the bud immediately and make it clear that there won't be an argument over your rules.

Yup, all of this.