2+ Moms: Age gap question

waterlily2k2

Not really sure how to word this, so bear with me.

If your kids have a larger age gap than what you wanted, do you hate it? I'm going through some medical stuff so we have to stop TTC for a little bit. I'm bummed that #2 won't be as close in age to DS as DH and I wanted, but it is what it is. 

I fully recognize that plans rarely work out when having kids, and we'll be just fine when #2 comes along. Just curious how you feel about it. 

jlsimon56

Interesting.  I guess I never really thought about it.  My sister is 4 years younger and my brother is 11 years younger (so 7 years between them).  We lived overseas for a bit and my parents waited to be back in the US to have another.  I am really close with all my siblings.  I like our age gaps.  I also have a twin so it's like all the extremes - two minutes apart, and 11 years apart, haha. 

I think all age differences have their pros and cons. 

I also think any time our "plans" don't work out, we get thrown off course a little.  My DH makes fun of me b/c I close my eyes to re-imagine things when I learn new info.  For example, I didn't want kids to be in our wedding party, but my MIL wanted DH's niece as a FG.  So I had to re-imagine my dream wedding with a FG.  It worked out obviously but it took me a minute to change my "view" of it all.  Does that make sense?

COMomma81

I agree that all age differences have their pros and cons... We actually planned to have ours further apart, but are just a few weeks shy of 3 years apart. We love the age difference! DS was potty trained, really self-sufficient, and no jealousy whatsoever. They play amazingly well. It's been great. IME, age gap really doesn't have that much bearing on how close their relationship will be. Just like PP, I'm 5 years older and 8 years older than my siblings and we're all incredibly close. I know sibs that are two years apart and barely talk. There's no guarantee that closeness in age = good relationship. 

Best wishes in your TTC journey, and remember that it'll happen when the time is right and it will be great. Good luck, and hopefully your time will come soon!  

Lauren79

I definitely understand where you are coming from.  I wanted to have my kids close together.  I wanted the 2u2.  It has not happened for me the way I want and am coming to terms with it.  I am upset about it but there is nothing I can do about it so I just have to accept it. 

waterlily2k2

Thanks ladies! That really helped. My younger sister and I are 18 months apart, and my older sister and I are 4 yrs apart. Growing up was interesting (long story short, lol). My niece is 2 yrs older than DS, and she's just a brat. She'll throw him off a chair because he came up to play with it while she was. So my experience with age gap hasn't been the greatest, which is why I'm so bummed about it. But just like Lauren said, there's nothing I can do about. 

babykuz

Im late to this, but thought I would still chime in  

We wanted our kids 2yrs apart and it took a LOT longer than expected to get pg with DD so now they are almost exactly 3yrs apart.  At first I was bummed, but there have been great advantages!  DS was potty trained at 2 so that wasnt a major issue, but if we had DD when he was 2 I dont think he would have done as well with a sibling.  He didn't really "get" things at that age and was a later talker so consistent communication was just really starting at that point.  

At 3, he understood more why I had to be with DD if he wanted me, he was more able to play/occupy himself, and it was MUCH easier to take them places by myself (he listened/followed directions better)

THAT being said, DD and this LO will be 22mo apart. I think this is perfect for these 2 b/c she is MUCH more verbal than DS ever was at this age and understands EVERYTHING (even follows directions fairly well at this point). She is VERY maternal and loves helping with things, so hoping she will be more interested in the baby than resent it  

I think that every age gap has its pros and cons but sometimes things work out better than you could have ever planned  Even different gaps between siblings are better/worse depending on their personalities, so you dont really ever know what is right.  GL with everything!! 

yeladim

I agree with what the others said. In my experience siblings become close not because of age but more because of personality. I was always closest with my youngest brother who is 7 years younger than me because we have similar personalities. On the other hand, I never got along well with my brother who was 2 years younger. While I am glad that my second will be close in age to DS, I would have been very happy with a longer gap as well. There are pros and cons to both.

Kmommytobeof2

DS1 and DS2 will be about 22 months apart. We started trying when DS turned 1 but it took a few months of charting to get a BFP. I am happy with the age gap, though a couple months earlier would have been good too. It's true you can't totally plan these things!

We are most likely going to have a number 3 and I'm on the fence whether to start trying a little before DS2 turns a year old, right when he turns a year, or if we should wait a couple years. I guess we will see how life is with 2 kids first!

swimiz500

Lauren79:

I definitely understand where you are coming from.  I wanted to have my kids close together.  I wanted the 2u2.  It has not happened for me the way I want and am coming to terms with it.  I am upset about it but there is nothing I can do about it so I just have to accept it. 

Yes, this. And even though I am upset, I have been trying to tell myself about the positives about having a wider age gap (cause there are some for sure, like PPs mentioned). And I just keep hoping that everything will end up working out the way it is supposed to, and they will be close no matter what the age gap.  DH keeps telling me that there was no guarantee that they'd have been any closer if they had been closer in age. I know he is right, but sometimes it can be hard when you had your heart set on something. 

Mamapoo

I'm the opposite of this. I originally wanted to have about a 3 year age gap between my kids. My plan didn't even involve starting TTC this soon. But, here I am, 2 weeks away from another LO!

Some days I'm bummed that I'm not going to get as much time with DS alone. Sometimes I'm bummed that it's going to be tough to have essentially 2 babies on hand. That DS doesn't really "get" what's happening.

Other times I'm excited that they're going to be so close, and be BFF's! They're going to have a lot in common.

 

I think no matter what age difference your children are, there are a ton of positives, and a ton of negatives. Think of all the positive sides to a larger age gap. Your child is going to get to enjoy the excitement of your pregnancy with you much more than a younger child. Your child is going to "get" what it means to be a big sibling. A bigger age gap means the younger one will look up to the older child more. And your big kid will be much more helpful. Try to think of the good when you start to get down about not TTC when you originally planned.