Help after babies are born??

gault530

My mom and I were talking about how she can help after the babies are born and she keeps mentioning that she'll be spending the night.  DH will be home the week after they're born to help out and I'm not sure if I'm being naive in thinking I won't need someone helping after he returns to work.  We have a DD that will be 4 when they are born, but she will continue to go to preschool during the day. 

My mom lives about 2 minutes from us and my MIL lives 30 minutes or so.  From your experience, did you need someone to spend the night and help or just come over during the day to help (or neither)? 

MuseumMaven

My mom stayed with us for five weeks. I had very difficult newborns. I don't know how we would have managed without her there overnight.

2moms2b

Obviously I haven't had my babies yet so take this as you will but I thought I would share my plan and logic behind it.

My SO will only get the first week off.  This means that starting week 2 she will at least need some sleep at night as she commutes over an hour each way to and from work.  I don't want her driving on no sleep.  This means 90% the night time will be left to me if I have no one else here.

Due to this, my mom, MIL, and grandmother have all picked a week where they will come and stay with us starting the second week home (first week is left to me and SO with some help here and there as needed).  They will help me during the day and at night giving us some space in the evenings so my SO has time with them as well.  I am not at all big on people being at my house but I figure this will make sure there are two sets of hands for the first four weeks.  We have decided to look at the situation of me still needing help after that time for my last 4 weeks off with the boys.

Also we have my sister, my SO's best friend (SAHM) and a handful of other people who have offered their help here and there as needed.  

I know I am incredibly lucky to have people who can do this.  I agreed to this even though I hate people being here as I figured it will be easier to say I have this or send people away than being miserable doing it alone.  Our moms and my grandmother all agreed that they would go home at any time if we wanted them to or just come during the day. This was the major factor in me saying ok.

I know the new baby phase is one that goes by so quick and my logic is with more help I can actually enjoy it more.   I give huge props to the MoMs that had their babies alone from the beginning. 

ColleenS629

I guess it depends on if you plan to BF. If not, and she can take a shift with an overnight feeding, I think the extra rest would be invaluable. If you are going to BF, it could help your H to have her help you with an overnight feeding or two so he can sleep. I didn't have overnight help but I was BFing so it wouldn't have helped me to get any extra sleep.

bluebonnetmeg

My mom stayed overnight for a couple of weeks and it was wonderful. We are doing bottles at night, but it was still helpful to have an extra set of hands when we BFed. For example, she could take one mid-feed and go change him to wake him up (mine were pretty sleepy for a few weeks) while I continued to feed the other. It is also a challenge to get up once you start (both with tandem nursing and tandem bottle feeding), so it was nice to have someone who could refill my water or get the remote if it was too far to reach. 

myheromyworld89

I would take advantage of the help. Even just during the day.  We would go over to DH's parents during the day at least every other day to nap. It's wonderful but it's exhausting. Other then naps I dont think we got more 45 minutes of sleep at a time for a full month.

HayGirl5

My DH was off work for two weeks after my boys were born but it was really more like three because of Thanksgiving.  Once he went back to work my mom would stop by once or twice a week during the day, but she never stayed over night. The first few nights after he went back to work were tough because I did it pretty much all on my own, but he was there to help me if I really needed it. I EBF so there isn't much that someone else can do to help me at night other than changing diapers.

yinyang124

I take care of ours all day, every day by myself. Some days are harder than others, and they are both colicky right now but I still manage. DH hardly gets up during the night with us either because we bring them into bed and I nurse them lying on my side while they are still half-asleep. He does get up to get me water, snack or warm a bottle if they need more. I think you should try it by yourself and call on your mom if you find you need the extra hands. You might need her around during dinner time so you can cook though.

megs2011

DH was only off for the week they came home. We decided to take shift during the night when he went back to work (his job is pretty good tho). I would sleep from 9-3 and he would sleep from 3-9. They were bottle fed at first till they got stronger. Once I started BFing them tandum, we both got up.. he changes and puts them to bed and I feed. They are sleeping better now though. My mom comes during the day from 9:30-1:30 to help. I say, see how it goes. My mom said she would stay over if I needed it, but we managed on our own.

Ruthie04

I loved having my mom here. When we were first discussing her stay, she kept mentioning how much we would need her and emphasizing the importance of a lengthy stay. DH and I thought she was being a bit dramatic, but after the first night (I got 20 minutes of sleep), I begged her to get on a plane and get her asap! My boys were (and still are) HORRIBLE latchers, so I pumped before every feeding and we would do bottles of BM/formula. My mom, DH, and I alternated feeding shifts, which was SO NICE! I really underestimated how hard my c/s recovery would be, so it was great to have some extra help when I needed to get a little extra sleep. 

ougrad1

2moms2b:

Obviously I haven't had my babies yet so take this as you will but I thought I would share my plan and logic behind it.

My SO will only get the first week off.  This means that starting week 2 she will at least need some sleep at night as she commutes over an hour each way to and from work.  I don't want her driving on no sleep.  This means 90% the night time will be left to me if I have no one else here.

Due to this, my mom, MIL, and grandmother have all picked a week where they will come and stay with us starting the second week home (first week is left to me and SO with some help here and there as needed).  They will help me during the day and at night giving us some space in the evenings so my SO has time with them as well.  I am not at all big on people being at my house but I figure this will make sure there are two sets of hands for the first four weeks.  We have decided to look at the situation of me still needing help after that time for my last 4 weeks off with the boys.

Also we have my sister, my SO's best friend (SAHM) and a handful of other people who have offered their help here and there as needed.  

I know I am incredibly lucky to have people who can do this.  I agreed to this even though I hate people being here as I figured it will be easier to say I have this or send people away than being miserable doing it alone.  Our moms and my grandmother all agreed that they would go home at any time if we wanted them to or just come during the day. This was the major factor in me saying ok.

I know the new baby phase is one that goes by so quick and my logic is with more help I can actually enjoy it more.   I give huge props to the MoMs that had their babies alone from the beginning. 

Where is the "like" button when you need it?  2M2B, you've covered it perfectly.  You really have. 

projectbaby2012

I would take advantage of the help. My boys are 11 weeks and we've had relatives visit, staying with us for 9 of those weeks. It's hard having people here all of the time, but its worth it to have the help. We have 3 more weeks of visitors and then I'll be pretty much on my own, while DH heads into his busy work season and will be traveling.

zombiemommy

We had almost round the clock help for the first two-ish weeks, and we needed it. Our babies wouldn't sleep on anything but a person and I was still recovering from the surgery so I had trouble doing anything on my own at first while DH was sleeping. I say accept any help that's offered at first. Now we're more picky about when we want people over, but at first we def couldn't afford to be. Even now, we have a few hours of help from our parents, sistera or friends like at least every other day.