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Multiples
Working MoMs?
Most MoMs I've met are SAHMs, but I am strongly considering going back to work after my 12 weeks of leave.
I am already having feelings of guilt and my boys aren't even here yet. I'm sure this is something all mothers can struggle with, but knowing that I may never have another child it makes me feel like it isn't fair to my boys - for some reason it seems like a bigger deal to leave multiples to go back to work at least in my opinion.
Is there anything that helped any of you ladies with the decision to go back to work?
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Re: Working MoMs?
Lost our first little peanut on 1/17/2012 at 9 weeks and 5 days. We miss you little blessing, but we know you were too perfect for this world.
My multiples/parenting/pregnancy/miscarriage blog
I stayed home until the twins were 9 months. I was definitely ready to go back. I love my kids to pieces and yes, there is still fleeting guilt of them being in daycare so many hours. But you really have to have the right personality to be a stay at home mom. Big KUDOS to those MoMs that stay at home, but I could not. I could stay at home with 1 kid staning on my head (and I did),,,,easy as pie hands down. But with my older DD and the twins, it is NEVER a moment break...it was difficult to find a minute to pee or shower some days. I ended up feeling drained and felt guilty if I even bought myself a $10 pair of flip flops. A happy mommy makes for a happy family. I rationalize that they will have very little to NO memory of life before 5 years old. But they will always remember the house they grew up in (we moved recently) and I feel like I am a part of that. I could give you reasons all day long to not feel guilty. You have to do what feels right for you and what will make you happy. If staying at home will not make you happy, it will have a ripple effect on every part of your life.
Videos of telling my family and husbands family that we are preggo...with twins!
I am getting ready to go back to work part-time in the next week and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for giving me encouragement (even though you didn't know it and it wasn't intended for me. Ha!) DH and I have even talked about me doing full-time for the added income. We will see how part-time goes and go from there (I work 12 hour night shifts as a nurse) but I couldn't agree with you more. Our home is very important to us and we want to be able to earn enough to save for college educations! Plus I love my career. It is tough to balance but very doable!
You are welcome! I went back to work in a 90 day contract capacity too before my current full time job to ":try it out". I have to tell you...though it is choas getting them to/from daycare I am a MUCH happier person overall. I understand why moms stay at home but I don't understand the reason "it's not fair to them". Do you remember anything of your life before 5 years? I don't. My mom went back to work when we were all in school and that is what I remember and I don't love her any less /more for staying at home when we were little.
Videos of telling my family and husbands family that we are preggo...with twins!
I have never felt guilt going to work after a pregnancy. I know that my children will benefit from the extra income. I am just not SaHM material. They will be going into daycare in a little under 2 weeks so that I can get some time to myself before going back into the office. I want to buy a new house with some nice land on it. I just have a lot of things in life I want to accomplish. Staying at home and taking care of our children just isn't one of them. I remember before having DD I wanted to stay home for the first year of her birth. But being laid off and out of the computer industry for six months killed my career the first time. I refuse to allow a gap in my employment happen again if I can help it. We can't do that on one income. My husband said if I ever start making 6 figures he will gladly stay at home.
You have to look at what you want in life. Can you afford to be a SaHM? What are the advantages and disadvantages of choosing going back to work? These questions helped me decide to go back. Also, choosing someone to care for my children helped my decision. DD had a great babysitter and is now in a wonderful daycare with caring teachers. Good luck!
I made the decision to stay at home and honestly do not love being a SAHM most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my babies but it is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss my lunch break and having coffee and bumping in peace and quiet but that isn't really considered work haha.
For me the deciding factors were the fact that I was only going to be bringing home about $300/month after daycare (hardly worth it to work 40 hour weeks for that little!), I was commuting 45min-1hr each way, and after 10 years in the financial services field I realized it was no longer a path I cared to continue on so I wasn't worried about the whole 'not being able to find a job in my field' issue. If any of those things had been different I might have considered going back. I am now doing photography on the side so I have a creative outlet and can utilize my business skills as well. Do what feels right for you! My parents owned a business so I grew up in daycare and aside from a couple random memories I wouldn't have known any different! Do what makes you happy!
I go back to work full time on 02/04.
I would not be a good SAHM. It is so much harder than my day job. I give so much credit to ladies who can do it. I have been home for 7 weeks with the twins and my 2 year old and I want to jump off a bridge most days.
But even before the twins were here I knew I would be going back to work. I make slightly more money than DH but more importantly I hold our health benefits so it was a no brainer. I also need the time away from my children.... it makes me a better and more attentive/patient parent when I am with them.
Thanks Ladies! It makes me feel a little better to know there are definitely more working MoM's than I realize.
I just feel like I am too young to 'retire' - I am in a corporate internal audit role now but previously worked at an international public accounting firm for a few years where I had no life in order to get that 'stamp' on my resume.
Also, daycare is sooo expensive in my city... we're talking ~ $1,150 per child per month. Every MoM I've talked to at my local club swears up and down that in-home daycare is cheaper for the first 2 years but when I do the math for the going rate of $15/hr... it isn't at all, at least with the daycare center in my office building they are open 7am - 7pm so we'd get ~ 60 hours for $2,300 vs. $2,700 for just 45 hours per week for 4 weeks per month.
I'm currently a working mom and will be a working MoM after the twins are born. Financially, we have to. My husband is a resident and will be in training for several more years. We can't live on a resident's salary. I'm the primary breadwinner. When I went back to work after DS was born it was really hard. I had a 45 min commute each way and it wasn't a flexible work environment. I was responsible for all drop-off and pick-up duty from daycare because of DH's schedule. I couldn't do it. So, I found a new job. 5 minutes away from home, very flexible, and DS now attends the on-site daycare. It's awesome! I am able to bring DS to work with me every day, stop down to see him if I'd like. Occasionally run into him in the hallways when daycare takes the kids out for a stroll, makes my day. Plus, I love what I'm doing. My co-workers are great, a lot of them are also working parents so we have a lot to talk about. I'm rewarded at work for my accomplishments and I feel a sense of pride being able to use the skills I worked and trained so hard for in school, graduate school, and previous jobs. I like being able to hold on to some of my life pre-baby.
Coming to the decision to work versus stay at home was difficult. My mom was a SAHM, my sister is, many of my aunts and cousins are as well. It was all I knew growing up. My mom and sister still think I'm crazy for sending my son away for hours during the day and I don't think they will ever understand how I can do it. It's truly a personal choice of what makes you and your family most happy. Good luck with your decision! Either way, you'll be a great MoM!
I just read this nodding my head the whole time! I'm also from a public accounting background and work in a corporate role now! With all the work I put in, I wasn't ready to "retire" yet either!
My DH and I chose to go with a center vs. in-home daycare. We're also weighing the costs of a nanny in the mix too. We've found that the hard thing with in-home and nanny options is that cost is based on a per hour basis. We both work more than 40 hours per week. With a nanny, I'm learning that some charge overtime for hours over 40. Once you add it all up, it's not coming out to be any cheaper than a daycare center. Make sure to ask the centers in your area if they offer discounts to various employers or for multiples. We get a bit of a break for an employee discount and I'm working on them to see if I can get a multiple discount added on.
I am a working MoM. I thought that I would actually be a SAHM and pretty much cleaned out my office before I left for maternity leave. While I was on leave I found that I did miss work and missed the interaction and wanted to go back. I had no idea I would feel this way. I would just tell you to leave your options open and see how you feel, because you can never tell exactly how it will be until you're in the situation. For me I really need the balance of working and being a Mom and so I was able to work something out with my employer. For some Mom's working is the right thing because that's what they need in their lives and for some it doesn't work. Leave yourself the freedom to decide what works for your family and if you are able to decide between the two then you are very lucky. Some times people have to stay home because of the economics of child care versus their salary and some people have to work because of the economics. If you're one of the lucky ones who get to decide give yourself the option of seeing how it is on maternity leave and then you can even decide to go back to work and if you're very unhappy you can leave and choose to be a SAHM and be content and satisfied in your choice. That's my advice...try both and see what works for you. You don't have to decide today. Good luck to you!
We pay $1320/infant for 7-6:30 care in a center, which is about the going rate for high quality care here (they're usually there 7:30-5, but we have the option). The only in-home center we found with room for 2 was $950/kid, but she's only open 7:30-5 (which is nerve wracking, traffic and all), plus she gets three weeks vacation a year in addition to the major holidays (unlike our center which only closes for major holidays - 9 or 11 days a year, which one of us is always off for). We did price a nanny, but it was about the same as the center PRE-TAX (so a lot more above the table).
One of our salaries goes pretty much entirely to daycare and our student loans, but it isn't forever. We'd "lose" a lot more money long term by leaving the work force now.
i'm a working MoM. its not about the money, we would be fine on my husbands salary alone, but its about me having the right balance in my life, i'm a much better mom when i get to do both work and being with my kids.
i did make changes and slow down at work (only very limited travel, fewer hours, etc), but I would make a horrible SAHM, and I have zero guilt about it.
Ditto this. I adore my girls, but we'd all be crazy if I were with them 24-7. I work 4 days a week which is perfect. They go to daycare 5 days a week and I have one day to run errands and try and get stuff accomplished around the house. My DH tends to work 2 weekends a month in addition to during the week, so it's frequently just me and DDs which would really drive me crazy if I was a SAHM.
My DDs have been in daycare since they were 3 months old and they just turned 4. Overall, they enjoy it, and I know they wouldn't have learned or experienced nearly as much if they were staying home with me. For us, it's what works and I don't feel guilty about it.
***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***
I had a career not a job. Took me 12 years to finish my training. A lot of time, money and blood/sweat/tears went into it. Rarely do people in my field not go back to work.
Good luck with your decision. You'll know what feels right.
I just returned to work yesterday and I'm already feeling not *that* guilty. I loved reading all the PPs. I agree with them. Being able to stay home would be awesome, but I don't think I would be happy if I did. I just keep telling myself that I am doing so much more for my daughters' futures by coming to work. Because I'm working, they have really good health insurance, I can save for their college, and we won't have to "do without". I just think about the big picture, and I know I'm doing the right thing.
I'm an accountant too - 8 years in public, and then the last 2 in corporate. Honestly, I don't enjoy it and *think* I would love to be a SAHM when my girls arrive. But I've only been in my current role for a year, and it's a pretty nice setup for a working mom - normal hours, easy commute, no travel. Plus, I agree with LadyNikon that a break can be bad for your career - I spent 4 of my years in public working in our London office, and I had a difficult time when I moved back to the US and decided to look for a corporate role. Apparently, my experience was no longer "relevant" for the US! (Absurd).
I do know that as a lot of PPs have said, being a SAHM to multiples is HARD and I guess I won't know if that's truly what I want until they're here. My husband and I just bought a house and we kept it way under the top end of our budget to allow me the flexibility to stay home if that's what we decide. I just feel a lot of internal pressure to go back for all the wrong reasons! At this point, I'm planning to go back after my maternity leave and give it a try. If I don't like working, I have the financial flexibility to quit. I just wish I didn't then have to go back in a few years because I really don't enjoy my career, but I make excellent money, even after daycare ($1,500/child/month in my city).
OP, I don't think you should feel guilty AT ALL. Do what makes you happiest and you'll be a better MoM for it!
just wanted to add, i dont think anyone should feel bad for saying they prefer to work, we should feel good that we know what makes us happy! its awesome that we live in a time where more people are able to do what they want, be that stay at home or work, and we should all embrace whatever it is that makes us happiest.
no one ever says dads arent raising their kids or should feel guilty about working. i think that should be true for all parents.
Mostly all of this.
First, I didn't have the option to not work for financial reasons.
I've also determined I don't think I could be a full time stay at home mom - maybe part time work, part time at home, but right now, no.
I am not super career focused, but like mrsemily said, nether myself nor my husband could just come back after years away to our careers.
I came back to a full time + job when they were 11 weeks old. It's stressful and it's not easy, but I know they are happy and thriving at their daycare.
ETA: we pay $520 a week for a daycare center. It's a LOT of money and we are definitely not saving right now. But like PP said it's temporary. It will be cheaper already in a few months, and will continue to get cheaper as they get into school.
Boy/girl twins born at 37w1d and 37w2d