Working Momma's come in.. (major meltdown)

JulyMomma2U2

Especially if you have family watching your LO...

Today was the first day both DH and I returned to work and my Mom, Dad and 2 sisters got to watch DS.  

Let me preface this by saying prior to it actually coming to fruition.. I always thought having my Mom able to babysit for us would be the absolute greatest thing ever.. I trust her and know she will take excellent care of my child.. it alleviates so much worry.. but, what I didn't foresee is how much having family with him all day while I'm at work can HURT.

DS was an angel.  They had a great day.  I walked in, everyone started telling me how great he was, the things he did.. my Mom swears he said "babba", my Sister starts telling me how I don't need to lay him down in the baby tub, how he sat like a big boy and did just fine in the tub, my Dad starts telling me about how he was so good, and they took him out shopping, and they start showing me all the toys they got him, and then my Sister then asks if I can bring the extra carseat base for her to put in her car so that way my Mom has one and she has one.. originally, the plan was my Mom was going to stop working (she just works Tues and Thurs), but now she's going to continue working any my Sister will just watch DS on Tues and Thurs (in addition to her son, who is 3.. her other son is 5 and is in school).. anyway.. my Sister adds that she wants the carseat so that way they can go do playdates on Tuesdays and Thursdays while she has him.. 

I almost started bawling my eyes out.  I'm glad that he was great for them.  I'm glad that they all had a good day.  I'm happy that they took him out shopping, and that they got him to sit in the tub (I hadn't done that yet, because I was worried about him falling over), and I'm happy that my Sister wants to take him for playdates..

But he's my baby.. and I"m going to miss all of these things.. I've never even taken him "for play dates".. I'm sure when they went out to the store, people complimented him, "Oh he's a cutie" or something of the like, and instead of me getting that "proud Mommy feeling", my parents got to enjoy that.. it's little, stupid things, I know.. but, I'm sobbing over thinking that instead of getting to do these things with him, I was at work..

And then.. top it all off.. when I came in, I was being bombarded by everyone telling me about the day.. but, DS had absolutely no interest in me.  Not a glance.. not a smile.. nothing.  Even now that we're home.. he's exhausted, and laying in his swing now, but he could care less when we first got in and I was trying to get his attention.. I held him and played with him and talked to him and did all the normal things we do together, and he was more interested watching the dog.. I know, irrational, none of it is "intentional".. but, I missed him SO much, and then you see how little interest he has in me, and it just makes me feel like one day away and he's already forgetting me..

Ugh.  God this sucks.   I already feel "replaced" and it's day one.

KJohnson826

Oh hun, it is okay. My SIL is watching DD while I am at work, and the past week or so when I arrive to pick her up, my SIL hands her to me and she starts fussing. I know how you feel about "feeling replaced" DD also smiled at my SIL right after she got done fussing with me. Although it feels like we have been replaced, we haven't, our babies will always know who their mom is. It is rough though, so I can relate to how you feel! (((HUGS)))

julesjb

I felt very similar when I went back. It was do hard to not feel like I was necessary. My DS reacted and still does like...oh hey your here. Breaks my heart every time. Big hugs

hopefulmom81

((HUGS))

One thing that I have found is my mom (who watches her 1 day) and our in home daycare provider (3 days) ALWAYS talk about what a great day they all had.

I think they are trying to alleviate the sadness of leaving them behind.  Kind of a, "don't worry!  We have it under control so well that your child was a perfect angel!" type of thing.

You are a great mom for getting out there and helping to provide a nice life for your child.  

charmedgrl517

Big hugs!!! It is very hard and I also feel like I'm missing so much it sucks. But I keep reminding myself that this is what is best for her. We can provide her with so much more with me working and I don't want her growing up with us struggling because I don't work. If we could afford for one if us not to work we would but we can't. And someday she will thank us! They know who their mommy is,and you can never be replaced!!! I hope it gets a little easier smiley face bumping from my phone! Lol

adoxyinherear

So many hugs.  I would feel the exact same way. Your little guy loves you!! He just doesn't know how to show it yet.

weddedwife

My mom and MIL watched DD1 when I went back to work. I work a swing shift so it was only for a few hours until DH got home. Then he would do bedtime, etc. I tried to tell myself that I was doing "what was best" for her but its hard to argue that her being w her mama wasn't what was best.

Even though I was home w her most of the day I missed everything that happened from 3 pm on. Somehow I managed to miss her first word and her starting to crawl. My mom would tell me all the fun things they did, and would brag to everyone how DD "crawled for her first". I doubt she meant to be hurtful but...it stung. After that I told her that no matter what other "firsts" happened on her watch to please not tell me. She'd have her "firsts" on my watch, thank you very much! I also felt that having family watch her was the best possible option. Just other ways I try to convince myself it's ok to leave her for so many hours every week.

As you can guess, i have a lot of mommy guilt for working. I doubt what I say is going to be popular amongst my fellow working mamas but its the truth, IMO. If I'm going to work outside the home, during baby's waking hours, I'm going to miss stuff. Lots of it. DD is going to bond with others because that's who she spends time with. Doesn't mean she won't bond with me, but she will also bond with them whether I like it or not. I know all this because I experienced it with DD1.

I believe what's best for my kids is being home with me. I don't believe that me being away from them to earn a paycheck benefits them more than my presence does. I do believe 95 percent of the time working is a choice based on the standard of living we create for ourselves, not a necessity. I'm just as guilty as the next person of buying into the philosophy that my kids "need" a house with a yard and two cars and vacations, etc. Unfortunately after working through DD1's babyhood to pay our mortgage, I can't come to terms with the fact that I'm missing out on time with her just so we can live here. Maybe that's a fair trade off for some people but it just wasn't for me.

Not trying to get you down about working...just want to add the perspective that it may not "get easier" as others say and that if it doesn't, that's okay. It didn't for me. I couldn't get over my jealousy that my mom was w her and I wasn't. I'm her mom, I should be with her! I'm not sure how this will all pan out w DD2 yet but I know I can't do what we did w DD1 and feel good about it. Perhaps sadly, only now am I willing to make the big changes and sacrifices necessary to change our lifestyle so I don't have to work FT. I didn't even think that was an option w DD1 but I can see now that it was.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is normal, and if you can't reconcile it within yourself after a while, then figure out how to change it. I do sympathize as another working mama. It is definitely a dilemma of our generation.