Checking in, it's been awhile...

Cincy/Toronto

I think about all of you every day and it is my sincere hope that everyone experienced a truly happy moment at some point throughout this holiday season.  

I haven't posted on here in a while, I haven't even lurked on here much. I don't really know why, other than I've been trying to actually work while at work (but that hasn't really panned out either) and I have found that my new hobby (crocheting) keeps my hands and mind busy so I'm not focusing on how much my heart hurts and is broken.

If we didn't have my BF's son, we would've liked to skip Christmas all together this year. For Thanksgiving, it was just the 3 of us at home, my BF didn't want to see anyone. I was able to get him to agree to see my Grandparents and Dad on Christmas Eve and go to his family on Christmas Day. I kept to myself at his family's house, even though I'm the one who brought up going. I stood on the outskirts of the kids gift opening. I couldn't help but think Lillian should be there, 3 mths old and just watching everyone and being passed around and then of course think about all her future Christmases and what those should be like. I had to walk away a few times because I kept tearing up.

We decided that our gift would be a trip to Pigeon Forge and stay in a cabin in the Smokies. It was the best vacation I have taken for so many reasons. It was a very complete trip with fun, relaxation, tears and talks. I couldn't have asked for anything more, except time. Well, maybe a Hot Tub instead of a Jacuzzi Tub at our cabin. It was the only thing I wanted and I was looking forward to. I had this whole romantic scene set up in my head of us in the HT, overlooking the mountains, alcohol in hand and just taking it all in. My BF is 6' 8' 255 and I am 5' 5" 170 (still have all that baby weight & will be posting some questions here in a bit) and to see us both wiggling into this tub was HILARIOUS I'm sure! We managed to get into the tub the night we got there and I'm sure it was only due to the alcohol because our arms and legs were all a tangled mess. It made for many laughs though, and that felt SO good.

I think I'm pretty sure that I'm going to change my screen name on here. Cincy/Toronto no longer applies to my life and The Bump Kathleen hasn't gotten back to me, after her first initial contact, after numerous attempts. Is it weird that I've been obsessing over what I want my new SN to be? Should it be all about me, be about Lillian or my impending life with my BF? I guess I think about it because I don't want to ever have to change it again and yet I want it to be able to reflect my life, maybe not so much just one thing. Oh!...I think I just figured one out now praying it's not taken!...Stay Tuned!

 

Bayberry12

It's good to see an update from you. I also found the holidays and family get togethers really sad. It's just so sad to be together with everyone and one missing. I think the first year is especially hard.

It nice you you were able to get away and have a good time, even though there were some tears. I hope you feel like you are moving forward and doing some healing.

If you can't get your screen name changed and you decided to make a new one, just let us know.

jbranden12

I'm sorry you had a tough Christmas. I think it's good that you tried to participate but listened to your instincts when it was time to step back and have a moment to yourself when it got overwhelming. It sounds like you had a great vacation! I'm pretty jealous!