Moms of 3+: If you had 2u2 then a larger gap between 2 and 3...

memali26

We have 2u2 girls, just shy of 19 months apart. It's awesome and wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but for various reasons we've decided not to do 2u2 again. I would like a 3rd child, DH is on the fence. We're kind of debating the age gap between DD2 and hypothetical #3. Since our first two are so close in age, we're afraid putting too large of a gap between #2 and #3 will leave #3 a loner or change the dynamic of our family too much, but we also don't want to have #3 sooner than we're ready just to have the smaller age gap. If DH suddenly agreed to conceive #3 right now, they would be almost exactly 2 years apart. If we wait until the timeline I have in mind, they would be around 2.5 years, possibly up to 3y, apart.

So my question is, if you had 2u2 then a larger gap between #2 and #3 (especially if it was 2.5-3 years) how has it been for #3, and for the family as a whole? Do you find #3 getting left out a lot, has it had a major impact on family activities, etc?

MLS0630

I'm at the other end of the argument...DH and I knew we always wanted four children, so we've had them all close together - and even though it can make for a tighter financial situation and requires lots of planning, it is the best decision we made! We're just missing the four under four cutoff and all of our kids play and interact so well together and all the activities we do as a family are all in the same age-range so they all enjoy it. Good luck with your decision!

laura1

My first 2 are 15 months apart and #3 is 2.5 years  after #2.  We had wanted them closer, but it didn't work out that way - it took almost a year of ttc to get DD#2.  So far it has been fine, but #3 is only 4 weeks old.  The other 2 go to preschool 3 days a week so it is nice to have alone time with the baby.  and DS and DD#1 are best friends, so they entertain each other for me while I feed the baby.  They both also LOVE the baby, so they are always trying to help and give her hugs and kisses.   not sure what it will be like when they are older, but it is ok now!

MammaBear81

We don't have a larger age gap, but if we did I wouldn't want more than 2 years.  DS1 and DS2 are 21 months apart, they are great buddies, but at times I can see where DS1 above and beyond DS2 in some things, where as the rest of the kids are 16-18 months apart and they "click" on every level.  I'm sure there are kids out there with a larger age gap that work out well, this is just what I've seen with my kids and my friends kids.

mrsseguin

I'm not technically in a 2u2 crowd, but I do come to this board often.  My first 2 are 25 months apart and we are TTC #3 now.  We were aiming for about a 3 year age gap.  2u2 was very difficult for us and we wanted 3 kids, so we are hoping adding a 3rd would be a bit easier with a larger gap.  I think it's still close enough where they wouldn't be left behind and the kids could still be close. 

Cotton

My first two are 16 months apart and #3 is 2y4mos behind #2. I like how it turned out. Like you, I didn't want 2u2 again. When #3 came, he was "the baby" and #1 and #2 were "the big kids" for about 2 years before they started to all seem kinda equal again, know what I mean? Now they all play together and we have to remind ourselves sometimes that #3 isn't the same age as the oldest two (they will forever seem the same age, I think because our oldest is a boy...they just seem so equal in so many ways)

Now we had 3 years (due to a m/c) between #3 and #4 and that seems like a big gap to me. He's def the only baby around here! But not for long...

Asquared

So far it's been pretty great for us- first two are 20 months apart and 2 and 3 are just under 2.5 years apart.  The baby is only 7 months right now, so can't speak too much for the being left out part. 

memali26

Thanks for the replies, ladies. I think the biggest worry I have about a larger spacing between #2 and #3 is changing the family dynamic as far as family activities - the zoo, camping, etc,. Cotton, it's good to hear it was a short time before #3 fell in with your first two

tarapike86

We have two boys that have 26 months between them. They got along most if the time but as they get older the age gap is more apparent. Ex: ds1 has been in middle school for two years now and ds2 is still in elementary. They do not hang out with each other at all now
Our younger ones are dd1, age 27 months, dd2, age 8 months and new baby is due in August. I really like that these kids will be closer and no more than one grade difference

strikeofamatch16

I can't speak as a mom, but I'm the oldest of 5. #2 and I are about two years apart, and each sibling after that is 5 years apart ( my mom had a high school senior and a newborn!) It was a lot of fun growing up and it was nice having younger siblings to do little kid stuff with, and my parents were able to keep a good balance on finding us stuff to do as a family (like at Disney world, we would rotate big kid and little kid rides). Now its really fun for my DS he looks up the youngest and mimics him all the time.

memali26

strikeofamatch16:

I can't speak as a mom, but I'm the oldest of 5. #2 and I are about two years apart, and each sibling after that is 5 years apart ( my mom had a high school senior and a newborn!) It was a lot of fun growing up and it was nice having younger siblings to do little kid stuff with, and my parents were able to keep a good balance on finding us stuff to do as a family (like at Disney world, we would rotate big kid and little kid rides). Now its really fun for my DS he looks up the youngest and mimics him all the time.

I'm the second of 5 #1 and I are 11 months apart, and #3 is 2.5 years younger than I am, than 2.5 and 1.5 years between the others. I think that's where my worry about the 3rd being left out stems from - #3 of my siblings still had two younger than her so our family dynamic was always different (though there was only 8 years between #1 and #5!), but we will 100% be done after 3, if we choose to have another.