H moving & CO question
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He's probably going to be moving back to Texas. He called and told me it's looking that way for him. So, I want to know what you think might be best.
Naturally I will visit with my lawyer at some point, but what do you think is my best move as far as visitation? Right now the CO is written for him living here, within reasonable distance. There is a note in there if one of the parties moves away outside of a 100 mile radius of the other, that the moving party pays for the travel of DD and myself to wherever they are for visitation. That's all. I did not have it written so that we had visitation rules for anything outside of that.
So do I just sit on this CO until he files? I paid my legal fees. I'm not going to dish out again because he can't figure his sh*t out and get his act together in order to stay close to his own child.
And if I sit on this, and the CO is for Iowa only, I don't have to hand her over to him unless I want to correct? Will I not control this situation as long as that CO is not re-written?
Re: H moving & CO question
I think you would still have to hand DD over, contingent that XH pays for you and DD to travel. I think, technically, he is still entitled to the CO'd EOWE so long as he is paying for transportation. Obviously that is unlikely.
I don't think you hold all the control though if he moves to TX.
I could be wrong though.
Actually, depending on how it's written, it probably means that no matter how far away he is (i.e. regardless of your or your dd's schedule - read extra-curricular activities when she's older), if he pays for the transportation, you HAVE to bring her for his time. If that is EOWeekend it will seriously bite to travel so much - for you & your DD. There are a number of "long distance" type visitation plans you might want to check out before making up your mind. You probably should make sure you also address how her activities, school schedule later, etc are handled given the distance & his likely inability to take her.
If he moves away it is my understanding that he would probably have to pay the additional travel costs anyway - so I don't think you're ending up ahead.
Well, now that I've calmed down enough not to be angry for DD, I've decided that maybe I should just wait this out and let him "get settled" and see what happens.
If i have to hand him over, then I'm leaving the visitation as is. This means he won't get her for more than a week or two at at time because that's what's written in the CO.
He moved less than 2 hours away 5 weeks ago and has only seen DD a total of 9 hours. He also has not paid me a single thing on child support. Why on earth do I really believe he'll demand to have her the entire summer or even pay me child support at all?
The bottom line is he's not going to come thru for DD and I need to just to chill. I'm so mad for DD tho. I could not imagine leaving my child and moving so far away.
I would definitely wait it out. Your state should retain jurisdiction over visitation, but just in case you need it for future reference this outlines what is typical of a long distance CO in TX and perhaps you can use the info to your advantage if it is different from your state.
Scroll down and the last question addresses long distance and it references the time periods given in the answer above that as well.
https://www.lanwt.org/txaccess/CHILDVISATATION.asp
Secondly, I would try to be accommodating if he pays for travel to go visit a couple times a yr, or make him come to you. I wouldn't initiate a whole new agreement. That sounds like a lot more money and effort. Idk. Can you maybe bring it up to him and see how he wants to handle it?
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
SMH at someone who would move away from their child. What a jerk. Sounds like everyone already give good advice, and I will agree to wait it out.
Also, Chrissy- that is horrible!! Your poor mother!!
I am all to well aware of Texas' idiocy when it comes to anything that has to do with the law and judicial system. It is probably one of the most corrupt and crooked systems in this country. I agree, I need to be careful, that is why I think I'm worried about this one.
The sad (and maybe lucky) fact is, after talking to my mom, she believes that H will not want to keep DD long. He may be talking big now to make it seem like he's trying to be a good dad. Once he's there, and has a life, she'll cramp his style and more than likely the woman (women) in his life will be at an age that they more than likely won't want to deal with DD either.
H says he wants her all summer. We'll see. I told him today that I'm not re-writing the CO and we'll just have to wait until it's even something we need to deal with.
He'll have to "get settled" and who knows when that will be. The CO clearly states he will have to pay to fly DD and me down there for his visitation, so whenever he comes up with that money, he can see DD. On top of it, I do not expect child support. He won't even tell me what city he's moving to or what job he supposedly has if he wants it. This tells me he doesn't want me to notify the state to pull CS.
I have decided to sit tight. If he wants to see DD, then he needs to start paying CS, and he needs to tell me where he's living, and what his job is. He also needs to produce 4 plane tickets. 2 for me, and 2 for DD, and it will only be for what is designated in the CO.
If I have to get a court order stating that, I will. Let's just see what he'll do. I probably have nothing to worry about. He hasn't kept to his EOWE yet and it's a 45 minute drive for us to met half way, so why would he commit to an entire summer? Or even product tickets for this to happen?
XH flies back about every 6 weeks and spends a long weekend with the kids. I have accompanied the kids to TX on one occasion, but I'm not sure I'll be doing that again. My son is too young to fly without an adult, so I don't expect that XH will ask them to visit him in TX any time soon. Also, when XH comes into town, he stays with his parents and they help care for the kids, if the kids went to TX, XH would have to care for them himself, so I don't think he'll do that.
Your XH is a selfish ass, so it's a good thing that your expectations are low. I imagine he will move to TX and fall off the face of the earth.
I think he's too arrogant to fall off the face of the earth. Past indications are that he'll rarely see his daughter, but he will stay involved just enough to think he is important in their lives (from a distance) but I will be her sole provider.
He will probably make some small effort and might even just show up for the big events in her life if he has the money at the time. All to look "just good enough" to those that are paying attention. And ultimately it will only confuse and hurt DD. It's my job to lessen that pain and confusion for the next 20 some years, if not a lifetime.
He is already blaming me. Saying he is being "pushed" into this and doesn't really want to move. I broke the Blended Families commandment "thou shalt not engage" and engaged to give him a huge peice of my mind and tell him what I don't think anyone else has had the balls to say to him. I have finally said it. And I did it for DD.
I have dis-engaged and I do not humor these conversations. He starts, and I say, "What ever you think is best" and "You have my blessing". and then it's "Now. Do you want to talk to DD?" and I turn the conversation back over.
I am SO done. So, so, so done. It makes me cry for DD every time I think of it and I'm just tired of all of this. So i've decided that I need to dust myself off again, get my head right, and start thinking long term for her. Mom has advised me to act like all of this is normal and to never let DD see me upset by him.
That's hard. But I'm going to try because I think she's right.
I also need to just remember that more than likely this is probably for the best.