Shaking my head pg and abortion mentioned, not mine

alleycat39

While here on vacation, DH an I met up with an old friend who lives here. I shared with her the news of my m/c and she was supportive and understanding. She is a nurse so she has been in on many DE procedures and looks at it from a very medical viewpoint. While she was supportive, she had a very practical outlook on it and said how common it is, etc etc. I had no problem with her response and felt good that I told her about my experience.

Fast forward 2 days, and we met up with her again last night. Towards the end of the night she turns to me with a sad look and says "I have news to share too." I had no clue what she was going to say considering she is not married, or even in a relationship. She goes on to tell me that she recently found out she was pregnant and had an abortion at the end of October, basically via a DC procedure.

It's completely her choice to do that and I am in no way going to judge her decision. I'm just still shaking my head that here I am wanting a baby and lose it, while she isn't even on bc, doesn't have a SO, and is having unprotected sex AND decides to share her story with me thinking that its just as sad. She must not have realized that maybe that story wasnt the best thing to share with me. Really?!

Bumping from my phone, sorry for any errors!

Saritaota614

Holy wow... 

I would have completely shut down and went nuclear on her.  Friend or not. especially if she knew you want one and knew you lost yours!!!!!

 WTF!!!

Avion22

I'm so sorry.   Sounds like she REALLY wasn't thinking.

I'm VERY VERY pro-choice, and even thinking about abortions has made me very mad since our loss.   I believe it should legally be a woman's choice...but I wish I could take those healthy fetuses and have them implanted in my uterus so I could be a mother.    Weird, I know.  But still.

LLPtobe

Wow. I can't believe she said that to you, especially knowing about your loss.

mightymousy

Saritaota614:

Holy wow... 

I would have completely shut down and went nuclear on her.  Friend or not. especially if she knew you want one and knew you lost yours!!!!!

 WTF!!!

this exactly, so sorry you went through that  

ZAngel

I can't believe she said that.  There are just so many things wrong with that... I would even know where to start.  I'm so sorry ((HUGS))

skeppler1

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.....and I can't believe that she would load something like that on you after what you told her just a couple of days ago. 

(HUGS)

GavinRonansMom

I am sorry, I have no clue why she thinks those are the same things. You wanted a baby and lost it, she had a baby, but didn't want it. I am very pro-choice, and even though I would never have an abortion, I do think it should be available to people who want or need it. However, losing a baby and having an abortion are not the same thing.

Avion22

jgslr, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.  I'm kind of shocked, because I've never felt "anti-abortion" until now.  Of course I still think that legally women should be able to choose, but it pisses me off that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are unwanted babies whose lives were ended right when our very-much-wanted baby's heart stopped beating inside me.    

toomanycats1

So sorry you had to deal with that.  Sigh. 

I schedule surgeries at the local hospital and this includes the "stops" as we call them.  I am pro-choice as well, but I definitely side eye it now that I see how easy it is for girls where I live to use it as a regular form of birth control.  Some girls are on their 4th or 5th... to me that's not an accident, that's poor decision making.

They are fully funded here in Canada, so I think we make the process too easy for girls.  They get referred to a doc that will do it ASAP, and get put on priority to have it done on the doctor's next day.

I had to wait to find out if I had a mmc or not, and then was going to have to wait even longer to get the Misoprostal.  (I pitched a fit and they finally gave it to me). No one showed me extra care or worried about my mental health in that situation and needing things over with "quickly".

Meanwhile, these girls are babied, the word "abortion" is never spoke in our hospital, they don't have to do the pre-surgery screening everyone else does. They are given a general anesthetic when conscious sedation would do, a free IUD if they want one, pain meds galore and then are happily sent on their way. In short, they are treated with extreme sensitivity, while those suffering from a loss are not considered as urgent because there isn't a 12 week deadline to meet.

I understand that people make mistakes, but where was the sensitivity and expedited process when I was needing help?  It's hard not to be angry that these are using up our Urgent care resources while a non-urgent D&C would wait a couple of weeks.  We need a little due process as well! 

It's great that we get free care here in Canada, but it definitely doesn't always work out fairly.

Oh and between all the abortions and c-sections I have to schedule... my job really sucks!

Avion22

nyahsbaby, I'm so sorry that you have to see that every day at work.   It doesn't sound like the best system.

I'm active duty military, and we also have socialized-type care.  They don't pay for abortions, so that is obviously different.  But I've noticed that there is VERY little care or concern for women suffering from m/c or other pregnancy loss. They only seem to care about people who are actually pregnant.  And it sucks.   I got ZERO information on resources for miscarriages, because I don't think they actually have any.  On the other hand, there are probably TWO DOZEN different kinds of resources on base for pregnant women and new mothers.     Sorry if this is a thread-jack...it just really pisses me off.

nbcarlson

Wow I'm so sorry. Without getting into how I feel about abortion, that was really insensitive of her. That is not at all the same thing. She chose for that to happen to her. I am sorry, big hugs!

ashx3renee

Avion22:

I'm so sorry.   Sounds like she REALLY wasn't thinking.

I'm VERY VERY pro-choice, and even thinking about abortions has made me very mad since our loss.   I believe it should legally be a woman's choice...but I wish I could take those healthy fetuses and have them implanted in my uterus so I could be a mother.    Weird, I know.  But still.

 

Totally know what you mean! Before our miscarriage I was completely prochoice no questions asked, and still am to a point where I wouldn't try to take that right from anybody.  However, every time I hear of somebody I know who has an abortion it makes my heart hurt.  It just isn't fair that these people who obviously don't want a baby get to be pregnant and we lose ours.  And all these stories on the news of missing kids being murdered by their parents or abused by their parents it just makes me sick.  How could such horrible people receive such a blessing and not us? It's not fair   

ashx3renee

Avion22:

I'm so sorry.   Sounds like she REALLY wasn't thinking.

I'm VERY VERY pro-choice, and even thinking about abortions has made me very mad since our loss.   I believe it should legally be a woman's choice...but I wish I could take those healthy fetuses and have them implanted in my uterus so I could be a mother.    Weird, I know.  But still.

 

Totally know what you mean! Before our miscarriage I was completely prochoice no questions asked, and still am to a point where I wouldn't try to take that right from anybody.  However, every time I hear of somebody I know who has an abortion it makes my heart hurt.  It just isn't fair that these people who obviously don't want a baby get to be pregnant and we lose ours.  And all these stories on the news of missing kids being murdered by their parents or abused by their parents it just makes me sick.  How could such horrible people receive such a blessing and not us? It's not fair   

alleycat39

Thank you ladies for all of the kind words and support. The universe works in ways that I guess none of us will ever really understand. Thank goodness for all the support here! 

Wsmommj28

Wow, almost the exact same story happened with me and one of my longest friends. When she told me about her abortion and was looking for sympathy is was sooo hard but I faked it best I could. Really really weird awkward timing. I really don't people truly understand what a wanted pregnancy that ends in a loss feels like until they experience it first hand. I'm so sorry....  

blue_elle

I horrified anyone would think that's an appropriate thing to share when they learned you had lost a baby you wanted. This really just blows my mind.