Anyone have a less than ideal first birthing experience?
nyki06
member
Hello!
When I was pregnant with my daughter, who will be two in March, I decided that I would have a natural birth at around 30 weeks. I switched care providers and planned a home birth with a certified professional midwife. At 42 weeks I finally went into labor on my own and the process began. My daughter was turned so that she was sunny side up and I had back labor with projectile vomiting the entire time. My midwife and doula had me try a million things (squats, stairs, etc) and nothing would get her to flip. I was having back to back contractions the entire time, had been stuck at a 7 for 6 hours, and ended up getting very dehydrated and exhausted after 25 hours at home. At that point my midwife told me that she believed that there was a time for medication and that this was the time so we decided to transfer to my hospital of choice, which was an hour + car ride. Once we got there I pretty much had the choice of an epi with rest or a csection. I took the epi, slept for three hours, woke up at a 10 and pushed my daughter out.
This time around we were planning a home birth but because of my husband's insurance plan changing and a hospital birth being covered 100% we decided to do a hospital birth instead. I'm planning to see a CNM (I still haven't had my first appointment with the new provider yet) and the hospital does have the option of waterbirthing, which is pretty cool. Honestly though, the idea of giving birth naturally again scares the crap out of me. I'd love to try a natural birth again but there's so much in me screaming "Avoid the pain and suffering from last time and just give in to a 'normal' hospital birth!".
Can anyone else relate to this? If so, what are you doing with those feelings?
Re: Anyone have a less than ideal first birthing experience?
I haven't had your experiences, but I just wanted to say that both of my births have been completely different from each other.
Neither of them was "ideal" but neither of them was completely awful either.
Generally speaking 2nd births are often easier than first births. It's like your body knows what to do, and it's easier for baby to get into a good position.
With your background, I'd say that going into it you'll know if your body is responding in the same way (especially with the vomiting) and if it is and you want to then you could go with the epi option sooner. If, however, things seem to be going smoother then you could stick with a natural plan.
Have you discussed your apprehensions with your mw/ob?
No one can predict how any labour/birth will go for them. A natural birth can be a beautiful thing, but modern medicine is also pretty fantastic too, when used in the right way. I think you'll know if an epi is the right option for you on the day, and if it is then go with it.
I really wish you a smooth and easy birth. Good luck!!
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I had an extremely similar experience with my first. The fact that, in the end, I was able to deliver vaginally, gives me a little confidence. He was posterior and his head was in a bad position (chip up/not tucked, I assume) and came out all bruised. His head didn't mold at all. He was also big - close to 9 lbs. Being back at the birthing center brought back a lot of emotions, honestly. I cried at several appointments. I just remind myself that all births are different and the the second will likely/hopefully easier. I do sort of wish I didn't know what the epi was like
Also, because DS was big, we talked about stripping membranes around 38 weeks this time. It might not do a thing by I'm okay giving it a try.
I'm happy with the decision to try the birthing center again, though. I'd love for it to be what I wanted the first time. The hospital wasn't as bad as I expected - they were wonderful, actually. But I do want this and I'm glad I get the chance to try again.
GL momma. You can do it.
I can relate. I definitely had a tough time last time and after nearly 24 hours of hard labor ended up with an unplanned C/S. It was just one problem after another, I was in a ton of pain, DS was sunny side up, but no one did anything to try to help with positioning (I found out later that he was posterior). It was just bad.
This time I have had some reservations, but honestly, I've worked very hard to put the negativity out of my head. We are using Hypnobabies this time and it has really helped with my mindset so that I can remain positive. The good thing is that every labor is different. Just because we had difficult experiences last time doesn't mean that's what will happen this time. I keep reminding myself that I don't know what will happen and I have a good chance of having a great experience. Gotta think positively! It doesn't help to hold on to the negative. (Not that I'm saying you can just "forget" what happened, but you know, at this point it is what it is and it can't be changed. That was your experience last time, but this time can be totally different and there's no reason to assume you'll experience the same thing all over again.)
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My first birth ended with me pushing for 5 hrs, vacuum assist, and a baby in the NICU for 4 days because of possible meconium aspiration. I was terrified of a repeat.
I labored at home during my second birth. We went for a walk, hung out in the living room and had a really pleasant day. We rushed to the hospital as soon as my friend who was watching my daughter arrived. I got to the hospital, my water broke while I was trying to get an urine sample, and my son was born 20 minutes later. I got to catch him. It was amazing. I am still in awe of the experience and amazed that two births could be so different.
It sounds like our birth experiences were really similar--I was stalled at 9 cm for four hours when I opted for the epi (and a nap) and pitocin to get things done, excepting that I was in a (very natural-birth friendly) hospital. I guess I have the outlook like your MW did--this was the time for medical intervention, and we used the tools we had. I'll always have that outlook, but it doesn't change that I still believe I can do it 100% med-free if I don't have complicating factors, you know? In fact--the fact that I "survived" 20 hours without medication convinces me I can do it
I do believe there's a difference between pain (which can be productive and not negative) and suffering, which is what the pain of labor ended up being for me and, I'm guessing, for you. I keep in mind that just because I'll experience pain again with another birth doesn't mean I'll experience suffering.
Plus...there's no reason to assume that a "normal" hospital birth will be without pain or suffering. Sure, you can expect an epi and hopefully the relief it provides, but they sometimes don't take, you might experience the "cascade of interventions" and end up with a (painful, slow healing) c-section, etc. It's not like you're guaranteed pain-free with a conventional birth!
I have had a traumatic birth experience with induction and lots of medical intervention and one naturally beautiful experience. It sounds to me like you have a great hospital option and could look into a water birth experience. I doubt your second experience will be anything like the first but I definately understand your fears and apprehension.
Think positive and try to talk to someone at the hospital about your experience and see what they say.
I am in a very similar situation .
My first labor was at a hospital with a CNM. I was in labor for 30 hours and my progess kept stalling. DD was not fully sunnyside up but was lieing along the side of my abdomen and would not budge, they think thats why my labor would not progress but after 30 hours and being stuck at 6 for 4 hours I was told I was too tired and needed a c-section or pitocin and an epi so I could rest. At the time I kept saying I was fine but I could hardly stand so they were right. I took the pitocin and epi and six hours later I was able to deliver her. It was not the natural water birth I wanted but I was so happy and thankful to give birth to her vaginally. My water had broke at the start of my labor so I'm amazed that they let me labor that long.
This time around I'm very nervous. I did start reading alot to put myself at ease. I read Ina May's book and it has helped some. I have been talking with my midwife about it also.
Mine was very similar as the above. 31 hour labor, starting with SROM. After 24 hours of laboring at the birth center, I was still at 4-5 cm, my son was in a bad position, and his head was forming a cap of swelling. We made the decision to transfer to the hospital and I opted for the epi after my midwife suggested that resting and relaxing might give me a chance to make progress. I felt horribly guilty about it at the time, but had no way to know that I still had another 7 hours to go! The epi ultimately likely saved me from a section, which was/is my biggest fear. Like you, I had a dream experience with my epi and now wonder whether I am just making things more difficult for myself by attempting a natural birth this time. I have just decided to play things by ear and not put as much pressure/judgment on myself. If I have a shorter labor and baby is in a good position, I am pretty sure I can do it without meds. But, if there are complicating issues again, I am glad to have the epi option. Be gentle with yourself. I wish you easy labor vibes!
I had a very challenging first birth with DS. Some of it was unique things about the pregnancy, some of it was "the medical model" not knowing how to amply support a challenging, but healthy, natural birth. I ended up needing some outside help after the birth to process it, as I had signs of PPTSD. My birth with DS2 was a very restorative, redemptive, amazing NB with a CPM. I dealt with some fear and denial during the labor. I just couldn't accept that things were moving at normal vs. days of terrible back labor the pace they did. I ended up not getting to the birth center until 1 hour before DS was born! Ultimatley, it was a really wonderful, empowering experience. A few things helped me: 1) truly processing my first birth 2) reading Birth Without Fear and other classics to remind myself that in most cases, a woman's body can do this 3) reading stories of unassisted birth. While that was not on our radar at all, it was intriguing to read stories of women who believe in their intuition and nature that much.
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