Just want to release my thoughts. I'm sure someone else feels the same way.
So not long after DS was born DH and I agreed we'd like them two years apart, and would start trying again what would be this summer. But now...I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. I've lost the baby weight, I've started running and playing rec league indoor soccer, I played in an alumni basketball game at my HS, I am able to participate with my students in class (I teach P.E.). I've always been incredibly active and I finally feel like me again. Almost all the scabs are gone from my nipples (BF nightmare- we had to stop at 3 weeks and DS did a LOT of damage in that time). On top of that DS is almost weaned from the bottle, and we've got a good rhythm right now. I'm enjoying him still being a baby. I know that can't stay that way forever...but I'm just not ready to give that up!
I'm not ready to lose all control of what is happening to my body. I'm not ready to give up all the activities that I've somehow managed to squeeze back into my life (without losing time with DS!). I'm not ready to give up my appetite. I'm not ready to watch my feet swell up like a diabetic's because I don't have a job where I can sit. Ever. I'm not ready yet. In another year, yeah I'll be ready.
But DH doesn't understand this. All he thinks is that's just another year later the kids will be out of the house. Not that he doesn't love kids, but you know And I get that, but in my mind an extra year or two is not going to make a difference. He also says he doesn't want to be an "old" dad. He's 27, and I want 3, so we wouldn't be done until he's 32 or 33. In my mind, that's really not that old. Some people don't start a family until then!
Anyone else agree to a time to start trying again, and is just not feeling ready?
Re: my thoughts on baby #2
We originally planned to have #1 and #2 2-2.5 years apart. That plan changed for a few reasons and they are 3 years 2 months apart. I was worried it would be a big gap, but I love, love, love their age gap. DS is independent and at an age where I can reason with him and he understands, is patient, and still very loving and bonded to his sister. I also loved the extra year of just having DS and enjoying every bit of that special time just with him. That being said, it was also a bit difficult in the beginning to adjust to "starting over" after a long period without a baby. We were getting used to more time for ourselves, sleeping at night, etc. and it was a bit of a shock going back. I could see why some people might want them closer together.
In the end, you have to do what feels right for your and your family. We are going to plan again for the 2/2.5 year age gap before #3, so we'll see what we're feeling like when that time comes.
We originally wanted them well-spaced, like 3ish years. I wanted DS in preschool. Then we had him and I thought "well maybe we should just plow through and have another." THEN our best friends had a baby 2 weeks ago, and omg. They look like they've been through hell. She's having breastfeeding nightmares that mirror what mine were (over 12% loss - re-hospitalization, hard to wake to feed, bricking in the diaper, etc). She's crying all the time. Her family is all up in her face.
Yeah, I don't want all of that again yet. Of course, I THINK we'll be better prepared the next time, and I really enjoy snuggling her babes, but as we left their house the other night I knew that my baby would fall asleep on the way home, transfer to his crib, and sleep until 6:30....meanwhile they were just getting ready for feed 1 of eight million. I really like my sleep. And I'm really enjoying DS right now. He's pretty awesome.
Mind you, I go back to work this week and I've been sobbing off and on (more on than off), and keep saying that I want another one so I can have another year off lol.
The main thing keeping us from discussing 2 is that we're house hunting. We could have a second baby in this house, but we're holding out for a place with another bedroom. As long as we have our second before DS is 5, we don't mind waiting an extra year or two. I wouldn't mind having another sooner though so I'm not having to ask for maternity leave soon after finding a job, but DH wants me to have time to work a job before trying for 2.
Lol, I guess we're "old" parents. I'm 32 and DH will be 32 in a few weeks. We're planning on another, but we'd like them 3 years apart. I want time for DD to be the baby, and I also want to be able to have alone time with a new baby, which will be easier if I can send DD to pre-school a few mornings each week. Plus, at three years old kids are more independent and don't need you to dress, feed, or change diapers. My brother and I three years apart and were great playmates growing up. We're also super close now.
Plus, with kids 3 years apart, that leaves just one overlapping year of college tuition, which will be much easier to handle... Unless of course they decide on grad school. Then we're screwed.
I understand your concerns and nobody can tell you what's best for your family spacing but you. However my experience was that my second full pregnancy was much easier then my first. I know that's not how it is with everybody and that's valid, but for me even though I didn't get down to my pre-pregnancy weight, I was much more active during #2 and that held my total weight gain to only 18 pounds. Life after baby #2 returned to "normal" much more quickly because I knew much more of what to expect and baby didn't turn my life upside down the same way. You are much more prepared with #2 because you've been through it before.
That said, we didn't want to get pregnant before the kiddo's were a year (that's our plan for between each kid) and my period was late when baby #1 was just over 9 months old and I FREAKED out. I was charting and my temps were staying high and I was sure I was pregnant. A pee test said otherwise and my period showed up a couple days later, but I was petrified. 18 months was much to small of a gap for me then but when I did actually get pregnant only a couple months later (got a positive 3 days before her birthday) I was super excited. For some reason those extra couple of months made it all different. Now that second pregnancy turned into a loss, hence why our kids are 23 months apart not 20, but a couple months does make a huge difference. And I will say that with my second loss just last month, 18 months was still freaking me out but I was much less freaked out this time then last time! I don't think I'll ever think 18 months is enough time between babies.
Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010
natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks
Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012
Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks
Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014
Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012. We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!
DH's words, not mine
I understand your veto rule with your DH. I feel the same way. I told DH (in less blunt words) that since I am the one that carries the baby, goes through the childbirth & recovery, and BFs (hopefully with the next one), if I say I'm not ready it's not going to happen. Plus I'm in control of the BC- that always helps I'm still keeping my mind open to it, though.
MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
Baby A born via c-section 1/10/12 @38w3d
BFP #1 11/4/09 m/c 4w3d baby crab
BFP #2 12/4/09 m/c 9w3d baby lion
BFP #3 7/1/10 m/c 4w1d baby fish
BFP #4 5/8/11
BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
Both DH and I want more children and before we turn 35. As it stands, we will probably start trying again in late summer/early fall of 2013. Most of this is due to financial reasons, as I need to save up sick pay and vacation since I am the sole income.
It took me about 9 months after DS's birth before I really wanted another baby. DH doesn't have too many preferences, but we may wait some extra years between LO2 and LO3 due to his schooling, if he considers a third child.
I think if you're not ready then wait until you are. It's not a race and the important thing is to be happy. There's no sense in pushing things too soon and then shedding tears over it later.
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."
BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
My Ovulation Chart
Another 'oldie' here at 32 (DH is 32 as well). We plan on having 3 or 4 kids, and DH would like to be done by the time his is 36/37.
We'll probably start trying after Memorial Day. I had an easy pregnancy and despite some rough days here and there have enjoyed being a Mommy and havent missed my 'before' life too much. I do wish I had more time to go to the gym, but part of that is my fault slacking off not going during lunch and after work. I also did a great job of getting all the partying out of my system before we got pregnant so I dont yearn for my booze bag days at all
zachary happens! | little fish
I'm finally feeling comfortable in my body and just quit BFing and am glad to have my body to myself. DH doesn't understand.
I'm in your shoes and just conflicted about what to do.
See maybe that's my problem. I never got to "sow my wild oats."
MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
Baby A born via c-section 1/10/12 @38w3d
BFP #1 11/4/09 m/c 4w3d baby crab
BFP #2 12/4/09 m/c 9w3d baby lion
BFP #3 7/1/10 m/c 4w1d baby fish
BFP #4 5/8/11
BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
Anyway, bottom line is your body, you decide. Even delaying a few month could make all the difference.
She speaks wise words!
BFP #1 : 05.08.11 : EDD : 01.16.12 : DOB : 01.15.12
BFP #2 : 12.26.12 : EDD : 09.08.13 : DOB : 09.03.13