How did you tell your families you were doing IVF?

jezebel57

I'm just wondering how everyone told their parents, our siblings know already, my mom knows we went to an RE a few years ago, but our dads both do not know anything about the situation.  I'm having a hard time thinking of how to start the conversation with my father.  We are really close (talk daily) and I think he'll be upset I didn't tell him sooner.  I know he'll be supportive, it's just getting over the initial uncomfortableness of the situation.  Plus, he's a worrier and I'm sure he'll be really involved so I'll be trying to just tell him general stuff, I just don't know how to start the conversation.  "Yep dad, we're having a great day, oh yeah, I'm infertile". 

ball.and.chain

We had not told our families that we were TTC at all, so we kind of came clean about everything at once, but we didn't tell them until we were starting IVF.  When we first started TTC, we felt like we would rather surprise them with a pregnancy announcement, but of course at the time we didn't think it would take us so long to get me pregnant. By the time we were moving on to IVF, it had been 16 months of trying and I knew I was going to be going through a lot physically, so we felt like they should know what was going on. We kind of framed it in a "we need your support" kind of way.  It was an awkward conversation for sure, but I am glad we told them.

jadwedd

I did not tell my parents that we were trying because I was nervous that they would think that we didn't have enough money or we should lose weight or something.  That was 5 years (and many diets) ago.  So I told my mom about the reproductive endochronologist and she was surprised because she thought that we just didn't want kids.  But she has been super supportive.  Then I told my dad who was also supportive but nervous that we would not all be going on any more vacations.  He though has been crazy supportive, hangs out with me for that 2.5 hour blood sucrose test, gives me shots when dh is not around, etc.  I did try to explain it to my great uncle who cracks me up, everytime I call him he asks if I am pregnant yet because he can't wait.  And he tries to find shows on tv about it.  My in laws were pretty easy because my sil did ivf like 10 years ago, so to them it is just another one.  But my parents are crazy.  My dad is walking around like a medical expert explaining to my mom how first they were follicles, then eggs, then they got fertilized.... he is amazing. When I had 8 eggs fertilized my mom was trying to figure out if she would be able to carry one for me and then we could have twins!   And she comes over everyday to talk to them during this 2ww and try to encourage and bribe them to hang in there.  So I am glad that I told everyone because it is just more fun to share the excitement. And it is funny that they keep telling me that if it doesn't work this time its ok - WE can try again.

jezebel57

That's awesome, thanks for sharing with me guys.  I feel like my dad would be the exact same way, explaining everything to my mom, looking up things, etc.. he's 66 and loves google.  Because my parents had such a hard time (mom had 10 miscarriages, I was her only live birth) I just don't want them to have to relive any pain they went through.  I'm working with an IF counselor and really trying to remember its my turn to get the support and it's ok.  I'm just usually such a "fixer" for everyone and never like to rely on people so it's hard for me to ask for the support. 

Gap7

We didn't tell anyone until our daughter was past the three months. It was lonely but I was glad we did it not then but now as my sister was mad I didn't tell her sooner about the pregnancy and then when we told her it was a fertility baby 2 years in the making she was mad I didn't tell her that. This time around we are much more open and there is only support from my friend the ministers wife. I wrote my sister an email and tried calling her to tell her but I have yet to hear back its been over a week. I made the right choice the first time around. People just don't know what to say and how to act I find. 

My dad was one of the first. I just said dad we want a baby more then you want one for us but it isn't going to be that easy for us. I never told him who had the issue. I felt that would not be healthy for him to know.  

My friends suspected we were having trouble (no where near how bad it was) so I was always the last to find out about their pregnancies.  

 

I hope your experience is better. Most of our family still doesn't know. They just aren't mature enough to handle it. 

Good luck 

 

PokerChic85

Gap7:

We didn't tell anyone until our daughter was past the three months. It was lonely but I was glad we did it not then but now as my sister was mad I didn't tell her sooner about the pregnancy and then when we told her it was a fertility baby 2 years in the making she was mad I didn't tell her that. This time around we are much more open and there is only support from my friend the ministers wife. I wrote my sister an email and tried calling her to tell her but I have yet to hear back its been over a week. I made the right choice the first time around. People just don't know what to say and how to act I find. 

My dad was one of the first. I just said dad we want a baby more then you want one for us but it isn't going to be that easy for us. I never told him who had the issue. I felt that would not be healthy for him to know.  

My friends suspected we were having trouble (no where near how bad it was) so I was always the last to find out about their pregnancies.  

 

*******I hope your experience is better. Most of our family still doesn't know. They just aren't mature enough to handle it. ********

Good luck 

 

 

This exactally. just our parents were supposed to now. Dh let his brother know, and now the entire side of MILs family knows and i'm livid about it.  

thecuddleeffect

We didn't let our families know we were TTC until DH's S/A came back zero, then I couldnt handle it without their support. We told them at a family get together the day after xmas (Basically the past two holiday seasons have been HORRIBLE). DH wasnt there, so I just spoke quietly with my aunts about what happened and what our next steps were.

I told my mom the day after we found out about the azoo over dinner, my dad was deployed (in the military) so my mom just told him the next time she spoke with him. (He was and is still skeezed about the whole thing b/c that means his baby girl had a shitton of sex before getting to this point...lol)

Good luck! letting my family know has been the most freeing and supportive idea I have made.

JourneytoJoy07

My mom and Dad have known from the very beginning.  They are extremely supportive of us and will do whatever it takes to support us.  We did not tell my DH's parents until a few days before our first IF procedure.  After our failed IVF this summer we have been much more open.  My grandparents and some extended family members and friends have asked us if we were OK, etc. Those who genuinely seemed concerned, now know and we are grateful because that means more people to pray for our IF journey and future miracle.  There have been a few (2-3) that we have regretted telling due to immediate suggestions of adoption or unsaid judgement of IVF, but we are glad to be slowly coming out of the IF closet.  It is just too hard to walk it alone in my opinion!  I have also found out of people's struggles with IF themselves...would have never known if I didn't open up first!  It's nothing to be ashamed of.   Hope this helps!

firesiren

I didn't not tell them anything.  I mentioned to my grandma we were trying and she said "OH NO!"  That was after IVF fail #1.  Turns out she feels 35 is way to old and I'll have nothing but problems.  So I don't talk about it at all to my family.

DH told his whole family.  They are very supportive. He has never hid how badly he wants a family.  So they were all surprised we weren't pregnant right away. Though they will hint we are wasting our money occasionally.

Honestly I get most of my support here.  I don't have to hide things. 

Good luck to you!

 

RoadToFertility

I told my parents about everything before my first laproscopy. It was really nice to have the support, especially from my mother who is a nurse. She helped to take care of me a couple of days after the lap and changed my bandages and all of that. After my first lap, when we were told about all of the issues I had going on because of the endo, we told my parents about going through with IVF # 1. We did not walk them through every single step, but updated them here and there. When IVF # 1 was a fail, we told them about our chemical pregnancy and then decided from here on out we wouldn't tell anyone what was going on anymore. Everyone was supportive but I just felt a lot of pressure.

Temp878586125009588

In all honesty, we just came out and told them. When we were TTC, we didn't tell anyone until I got pregnant, then I miscarried and they kind of knew we were trying again. So after some time we just told them we were having some difficulties and we needed help. From there on we kept them updated. But this next FET, we aren't telling anyone we are doing this. Our reasons for not telling them are because of the past losses.

tptbabe

My mother just kind of assumed that we were continuing to TTC after our loss. She questions absolutely everything and I have to explain everything a million times to her and she still doesn't get it. I almost wish I hadn't told her, but I needed support at the time. Now that she understands the procedure to some extent (after explaining it to her countless times) she doen't understand why we haven't done it yet. She understands the financial aspect of waiting, but she just doesn't understand why we don't just *fix* DHs sperm so that we can do it immediately.

DHs family doesn't know, nor will they ever. There are way too many messed up ideas in that family for us to share that with them.

flowerpower3

My parents knew when we started TTC and knew when we were gonna start testing for IF.  They've been caught up right along, so telling them we're doing IVF was nothing.

chucktgirl

We have not told our family anything at all, and don't intend to unless I'm lucky enough to get a nice big pregnancy belly! Our chances of a THB are not good, so I don't want to get their hopes up for a grandchild. They are well aware that we were never on the baby train, so they are not expecting anything from us at this time. When I did get pregnant, and then m/c at almost 8 weeks, it was devastating. We confided in exactly one couple of friends who coincidentally also m/c the week prior. In addition, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or try to understand what we're going through when they will never have any idea. This is just the best way for US to deal with it. It is different for everyone.

kflynn81

My parents have known this day would come since I was 10 years old due to my endocrine problems. Plus I needed my Mom's advice as a nurse many times so I'd ask her questions when I first started seeing the RE and new Endocrinologist last year. Now its NBD talking about it. Last cycle I called my Mom and said, "Hey I've got my IVF retrieval and DH has to work can you come babysit me?" LOL

My in-laws were a different story. They knew we were "trying" but until we moved in with them while we house hunted they had no idea to what extent. If we weren't filling their refrigerator with a shelf full of IF meds, we probably still would have kept it to ourselves but we had no choice. Basically, we told them we were seeing a doctor and I had to take shots, and left it at that. As time went on, my MIL did (and still occasionally does) ask questions here and there.