Attachment Parenting

My high needs baby is making AP difficult

I am going out of my mind. I love my son so much but I feel like I just need a break. He's 7.5mo and has never been a good sleeper up to nurse 4x, 30 min naps, which is better than when he was younger. But after going home for Christmas and the ILs "helping" one night, he's now up every 45min and just screams. We bed share and he's kicking, punching, scratching my face. When he nurses, no matter how short I cut his nails, he scratches my areolas. I have scabs all over my face and chest. He bites during nursing.

I used to love wearing him and bed sharing. He's always been high needs and I've been able to AP while helping him get what he needs. But I'm exhausted. I work 7080hr/ wk. I need some sleep. Even when I am home with him, I'm so tired and he's so needy that I don't like spending time with him. I feel like a terrible human being typing that out. I just don't know what to do.

We tried No Cry Sleep Solution. He goes to sleep easily the first time for the night, but it doesn't work the rest of the night. I really didn't want to CIO, but I feel that may be the way we have to go. I'm just concerned because he seems genuinely hungry throughout the night. I don't know if you can CIO for bedtime and to drop some feedings, but keep one or two. I feel that would be confusing.

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I'm not a good mother because I just need some space and time away, but if I was able to sleep I would be able to enjoy him more.

Re: My high needs baby is making AP difficult

  • Have you talked to the pedi?  I would make sure you rule out any medical conditions.  I have some friends who had kids with severe reflux and would be up and crying/screaming a lot and not sleep well.  

    If you want to try to night wean, I would read Dr. Jay Gordon's book.  Or you can try the sleep lady shuffle.  I used the sleep lady for DS1 and it was a big help.  He was a lot older, but he sleeps much better without us in bed.  We were too stimulating for him.  

    I think all parents, AP or otherwise feel like they need a break!  GL! 

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  • DD never did well with bed sharing at night because it was too stimulating. Our compromise is for me to nurse/ rock her to sleep and then she is able to go down in her own bed. DH gets up with her for the first night waking and rocks her back down. I usually get up with her once a night around 2:30 to nurse/ rock her back to sleep and lay her down in crib. She stays that way until 6 or so in morn. This is where we are now but for a few months, I was up with her a couple times a night nursing and rocking to sleep. It sounds like a lot to get up and go to her room, but it only takes a few minutes to get her back to sleep and then I get to go back to my bed and enjoy some space.

    ETA: as for scratching, DD was also doing this for a while. I have a Taggie blanket that I put over my breast or pull my shirt down and she rubs this until she goes to sleep.
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  • I have no advice for the BF issues.  

    However, for the "CIO" issues, we did it and he still gets bottles at night.   He didnt' want to sleep with us, he didn't want us rocking him to sleep.  Us trying to get him to calm down was more stimulating than him fussing in his crib.  I use the 5 min rule of thumb.  That's how long it would take me to put him down and go to the bathroom and sometimes as a SAHM, i have to let him cry because I have to go to the bathroom or DS1 needs a diaper change, etc.

    So we let him cry for 5 min, and he never cried.  He fussed on and off and at the 7 min mark he fell asleep.  

    I do this for all night wakings too.  If he wakes up and starts really crying or isn't settling down at all, he gets a bottle.  If he just fusses or starts winding down after a min or two we let him cry and he generally goes back to sleep in about 2-3 minutes.

    One night, he even slept a 10 hour stretch.  Before that he was in our bed waking 15-20 times a night.  He just wanted to be on his own.  

    And because he slept better at night, he napped much better.  And because hew was napping better he was a happier baby during the day. 

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  • imagejshf:

    Have you talked to the pedi?  I would make sure you rule out any medical conditions.  I have some friends who had kids with severe reflux and would be up and crying/screaming a lot and not sleep well.  

    Ditto this!  We just discovered DS2 has a food allergy (not sure what yet).  He was also a terrible sleeper and a week and a half into my elimination diet he took a 90 minute nap for the first time ever.  Check out the LLL website for other signs of a food allergy.  I also googled and found something about "terrible"sleep being linked to food allergies in a lot of cases.  In hindsight, there were a lot of other symtoms I was not picking up on. 

    From what you have posted the sleeping and scratching might be symptoms.

    What does his poop look like? that is the big one I just didnt pay attention too and should have picked up on.  His poop was a yellow/green color and not seedy.

    Good luck.  But I would definitely check things out medically first too just be sure.  I will add that DS1 did not sttn until he self weaned at 22 months...so sttn with a bf baby doesnt happen quickly. 

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  • We bedshare and DS used to pull my hair so hard all night long.  He would actually hold onto it like a security blanket so I ended up putting long socks over his hands.  Problem solved haha!
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  • Thanks ladies. He is MSPI and has reflux so I've been on an elimination diet since he was 2 weeks old and he has taken Zantac since 2 months. His spitting up has actually really decreased lately. I know when I get an offensive food because his poop turns green and mucusy right away.

    I think he's going through separation anxiety now. He started crying any time I leave the room, even if DH is holding him. And DH is a stay at home dad, so I know he is really attached to him. Oh well, I guess I'll just figure out how to muddle through until he grows out of this. :
  • imagetwocents6708:
    DD never did well with bed sharing at night because it was too stimulating. Our compromise is for me to nurse/ rock her to sleep and then she is able to go down in her own bed. DH gets up with her for the first night waking and rocks her back down. I usually get up with her once a night around 2:30 to nurse/ rock her back to sleep and lay her down in crib. She stays that way until 6 or so in morn. This is where we are now but for a few months, I was up with her a couple times a night nursing and rocking to sleep. It sounds like a lot to get up and go to her room, but it only takes a few minutes to get her back to sleep and then I get to go back to my bed and enjoy some space.

    ETA: as for scratching, DD was also doing this for a while. I have a Taggie blanket that I put over my breast or pull my shirt down and she rubs this until she goes to sleep.

    The taggie is a good idea or try a nursing necklace. Or introduce a lovie and holding between you while you nurse.we use a small flannel doll and it helped a lot. I think my son was about that age when nursing him became similar to wrestling an alligator! 

    No advice on the sleep. My ds  Is 10.5 months and still waking 4-5 times a night to nurse/climb on me. We are going to do the jay Gordon night weaning at 12 months.

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