Help keep me sane - Discipline ?

roycie27

OK, I'm ready to lose my s hit over here. My mother says my 21 mo is all elbows and knees, as in she's always elbowing and kneeing us. This is not done maliciously, as far as I can tell. She wants to cuddle but will throw her head back, squiggle and wiggle, use her hands, feet, head, whatever, to put all her weight on us to reposition herself. This was annoying when I was pregnant but now with the baby (1 month) here, it's getting absurd.

Tonight she went to kiss him while I was feeding him and despite my best efforts, she head-butted him  Not hard enough to cause injury and not with the intention of hitting him, but WTF, dude? How do I get her to chill out and what do I say when she's being a spaz? 

She is warned when she is climbing, pushing, being rough and she gets time outs, but she's not getting the whole 'chill out' or 'stop being a spaz' thing because, you know, she's 2. 

My other kids cuddle like it's their job. I out of my depth here. Suggestions? My poor baby is going to have to wear a full suit if armour for protection, isn't he? 

roycie27

Aw, now I feel like an a-hole, . She's a sweet kid, smart as they come, and definitely spirited. FTR, we don't necessarily punish her for being affectionate or not being Ms. Proper when dealing w/ the baby. We say a lot of 'That's sweet, honey, but you need to not touch his face.' as she's nearly mauling him and 'Honey, please don't climb on mummy, she's feeding the baby.' when she's scaling me like I'm a freaking mountain. There's also a lot of 'gentle, gentle' and modelling and a lot of removing her from the situation/distraction.

It's only when she goes from spirited to dangerous that we are struggling. I guess I'm having trouble articulating to her that some of the wiggly, spazy behavior is fine but there is a line and she is crossing it on the regular.

Blah, I'm newborn tired, toddler frustrated, and brain-dead with preschooler non-stop chatter. I fear I'm not explaining the issue as clearly as I want, lol.

LatteLady5

Aww you're not a mean mom, you're just trying to figure it all out. Everything that Sing said is awesome advice. I only have one so I may not be much help but there are times when she can be quite wild. She is never maliciously out to hurt me but she has tossed her head back a few times and I've gotten the brunt of that. Teaching gentle and gentle hands has worked well for us. When she gets a concept I always praise her and clap and cheer so she wants to keep doing it. She sounds like a normal toddler and I'm sure she'll get it eventually

beautiflaw

DD is the same way but with the cat. And people. As many times and we have demonstrated "safe hands", "gentle hands", and "gentle touch" she still has trouble remembering. And even her gentle version is pretty rough. I don't think its discipline worthy but definitely something that will need work. Some kids are just really delicate and dainty with things and then you have kids who are like a bull in a china shop, no matter what their intention might be. Maybe redirection will be the best way to go until she learns.

M&M227

I would say when your alone it's going to be very difficult.  My toddler climbs all over me, and would probably not be able to be super gentle with a newborn.  When you have help I would practice and model gentle and what you expect.  But while your trying to care for a newborn it's going to be difficult.  Maybe put her in a pack n play or play yard while your tending to the newborn (feeding etc), so your toddler can't be climbing you.

MrsEllis10

I have 2u2 and they are 11.5 months apart. I will hold both of my DD's at the same time unless I am feeding the baby. DD1 knows that it is Emily's turn. The second I'm done with DD2 I immediately show affection to DD1 and say Madeline's turn. She patiently waits now. We constantly tell Her soft soft when being around the baby and she is super sweet, but sometimes forgets. I just remind her in a positive way that DD2 is a baby and can hurt her. I always take her hand and show her how to do it softly.
As far as the wiggling. My DD1 has ants in her pants and that's the main reason she isn't allowed to sit with me when I'm feeding DD1. I need a extra hand to control her and when feeling DD2 I have no extra hands. Hang in there!!

TiffanyBerry

I read this the other day but didn't respond, and this just came to mind:

Have you gotten her into any movement-based classes? Tumbling, yoga, dance?  You might find that she's less spazy once she learns better control and use of her body.  It comes harder for some people than others.

roycie27

TiffanyBerry:

I read this the other day but didn't respond, and this just came to mind:

Have you gotten her into any movement-based classes? Tumbling, yoga, dance?  You might find that she's less spazy once she learns better control and use of her body.  It comes harder for some people than others.

Thank you everyone for the responses. Yesterday was a bad day. I was a little more patient after hearing others have similar issues.

DH and I have talked about putting her in gymnastics/tumbling. The only thing keeping me from doing it sooner was the parent participation requirement on most classes for kids under 3 and that they are during the day, when DH works. Obvs I'm a little bogged down with the babe, so going to parent-child classes isn't so easy. However, tonight DH told me he'd take her to a gymnastics class this session. Yay! He's always been convinced she's going to be an Olympic gymnast. Seriously, I have unbelievable stories about this kid and her climbing. That is also why plunking her in a PnP isn't an option. I wish it was! She climbs in and out of those things for sport.

Remember me. I'll be back bragging about my gold medal winning gymnast in 2028!

Bonnesetter27

With my ds I "cry" if he hurts me. He gets it and tries to soothe me, it's really cute. I think saying gentle touch is great but she may not actually understand that she is hurting you or the baby. I just kind of fake cry for a few seconds and say "you hurt mommy." He will come over and pet my head.