WIthout further ado

rakle99

Ok, so there was some curiosity about last night's oral post about my DH not wanting to touch me down there. So here goes. Hope I don't disappoint you ladies.

 DH was raised under a rock. He didn't learn about sex until he was 16. When we got engaged I taught him about periods and birth control (he was almost 30). When we got married he didn't know what it meant to ejaculate. He thought all the fluids that come with sex were gross and it put a damper on things. He's over that now, but he still takes a shower after sex every single time. I think it would bother me more if he wasn't so willing to go outside his comfort zone so that we can have a good sex life. But he has a hard time touching me down there. He doesn't like the wetness and gets frustrated that he can't just rub me like I do him, he actually has to work for it. So whenever he finishes first, he does nothing to help me out. And while he has no problem requesting that I give him a BJ or HJ, he has never done the same for me. Right now I'm not doing anything because I have no libedo and have no interest in doing anything knowing I won't get anything in return. As a result he's acting like a horny teenager. I feel like Ross Gellar's lesbian ex wife, always making excuses why she doesn't want to be touched. Hopefully that'll change once everything heals and we can do things properly. He doesn't believe in masterbation so when I take care of myself I have to do it when he's not home. Granted, he does try and he's much better than when we first got married, but this is something I think will be awhile before he can bring himself to do.  

I blame his parents. 

hboo2011

Where did he grow up that he didn't learn about sex until 16? And then how did he go from 16 until almost 30 without learning about periods/birth control?

When you first started dating, I assume he was a virgin?

Why does he not believe in masterbation? Is that a strict catholic family belief?

Thank you for sharing. I'm not asking further questions bc I'm judging. Honestly curious.

ellcore

hboo2011:

Where did he grow up that he didn't learn about sex until 16? And then how did he go from 16 until almost 30 without learning about periods/birth control? When you first started dating, I assume he was a virgin? Why does he not believe in masterbation? Is that a strict catholic family belief? Thank you for sharing. I'm not asking further questions bc I'm judging. Honestly curious.

All of this. I'm not judging either, just super curious. Is he Amish?! Lol. Totally kidding. But, really, that's so odd. Most men are all about those things. 

 

rakle99

He grew up in NJ of all places, but in a very very very strict religious household. He went to a Christian school until 8th grade with no sex education. I'm not sure if he had it in high school either, but I doubt it. His parents don't believe in birth control except condoms, so that's all he ever learned about. His upbringing was so strict that he did not expose himself to any people who talked about it or participated in it. Needless to say he had an extremely lonely adolescence.  Even now he won't even look at women on TV or websites that are dressed sexily, so I can see how he didn't know about anything until we were married. 

He still talks about having sex outside of marriage like it doesn't exist and there is no other option for anybody. For the most part he's not as judgmental as his parents, but sometimes it does come out.   

rakle99

We have talked about it and disagree somewhat. I told him I want to have open discussions about it with our kids so that they don't find out about it from their friends or from personal experiences. He kind of agrees but wants to focus on them waiting until marriage. I do agree with that but I want them to know how to stay safe in case that doesn't happen. He acts like it's the only option available. I can usually get him to be more open minded about things, so I think he'll come around eventually. 

elfchique

Since I'm on mobile please excuse the brevity.
Religion. They his parents are doing it wrong.

kplaxco85

You should write a book. I'm serious, I would buy it. I feel bad for your husband, and you. Masturbating when he leaves the house?!? I'm no better, I fart when my husband leaves.

rakle99

kplaxco85:

You should write a book. I'm serious, I would buy it. I feel bad for your husband, and you. Masturbating when he leaves the house?!? I'm no better, I fart when my husband leaves.

You think this is book worthy? I'll have to tell you about my brother's wife sometime. Soap opera worthy.  

 

For the pp, we have only been married for 2 and a half years, so we are both in our early thirties. I find it hard to believe being that sheltered in this day and age either. His older brother and wife never even kissed before they got married.

I know it's extreme, but I guess since I'm used to it it doesn't really bother me. Plus he's so willing to open up to new experiences. If he was still closed minded I honestly don't think our marriage would've lasted very long.  Before baby we certainly had a satisfactory sex life. Most of the time we either finished together or I did first, so it wasn't much of a problem.  

kplaxco85

Please tell us about your SIL! I have a feeling your husbands family could entertain me all day.

expectingnugget

Would he be willing to go to therapy with you? I guess if it doesn't bother you then it doesn't matter, but it seems like he's almost uncomfortable with himself and judgey with others. And with all the shiz going around these days I personally would like to be able to talk to my kids about sex. 70% of people have HPV, so...I hope I don't seem judgmental. Like others I'm just curious/fascinated. Thanks for posting. You did NOT let us down! Let's hear about the soap opera story now!

rakle99

expectingnugget:

Would he be willing to go to therapy with you? I guess if it doesn't bother you then it doesn't matter, but it seems like he's almost uncomfortable with himself and judgey with others. And with all the shiz going around these days I personally would like to be able to talk to my kids about sex. 70 of people have HPV, so...I hope I don't seem judgmental. Like others I'm just curious/fascinated. Thanks for posting. You did NOT let us down! Let's hear about the soap opera story now!

Yes, he would be willing to go to therapy but at this point I don't think it's necessary. As long as he is willing to try I'm happy. He was raised to be judgemental and is much better than his family, but we are all judgemental about different things. Understanding how he was raised, I completely understand why he would be uncomfortable. I was hoping he would attack me as soon as we got into the hoyel room on our wedding night and he didnt dissapoint. I was afraid he was going to be too uncomfortable to do anything.
I'll post about my sil on other day I can't post all the good stuff all at once!

Dana327

My husband wasn't raised as sheltered as yours but he doesn't masturbate at all on his own because he says he is satisfied with what ever sex we do have. I on the other hand have never masturbated I understand people do it and its normal I just never wanted to doit and don't plan on doing.

 Your BIL and SIL not kissing till marriage reminds me of those True Life episodes and the virginity balls you see on TV. 

rakle99

wonknessmonster:

You know what, my DH grew up in a very VERY sheltered environment (devout Catholics, but really it's just the nature of his mother and father I think) too where sex was never ever ever ever discussed. It was a real learning curve for me in our marriage as I grew up with very progressive parents who were good at openly discussing things. And I'd been around the block before I met him

I have learned to respect where he is at, and to accept his 'progress' as it unfolds. We have the rest of our lives to figure it all out, and we are, and it is in some ways something that brings us closer together because it is a vulnerability of his that he is learning to explore. Pushing him is the worst thing I could do. He never lets me down in any other area of our marriage, and I know he won't let me down on this either.

Just wanted to say I feel like I know where you are coming from.   

 You certainly do. I couldn't have said it better myself. 

senoritabella

Sounds to me like you have a great husband. He could easily be unwilling to try new things and say his beliefs are set in stone, but he's not. I applaud you for respecting him and speaking highly of him.