loss

stephyfaith

One of my friends and I were super excited to be expecting babies a day apart. She just had her first ultrasound today and there was no baby... Blighted ovum or something, where her body has been acting pregnant for the last 10 weeks despite the fact that no baby developed. I just bawled my eyes out because I feel so sad for her. I have no clue what to say other than that she's in my thoughts and prayers. Now I feel like I'm going to be a walking reminder of her loss with each new stage of my pregnancy. Has anyone dealt with something similar?? My heart hurts and I just feel so helpless.

PrimRoseMama

Yes. Just realize that she may avoid you for a while, but don't stop reaching out. Use email or text so she can choose when to respond. Understand it has very little to do with you or your baby, but its about her feeling alone/heart broken. You don't have to say anything other than you are sorry and it sucks. 

I've been on both sides of the loss situation. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.  

KikiCohen

I'm so sorry for your friend

I was in a similar situation with my loss.  One of my very close friends was due a few days after me.  After I miscarried, it was really hard to talk to her and be around her b/c it was just a reminder of where I should have been.  Luckily, she was very understanding and supportive.  She never brought up her pregnancy unless I asked or mentioned it first.  This really helped me.

It's a hard balance to find, but try to be there for her to support her without being "in her face".  It might be nice to send her a "thinking of you" card and remind her that you care. 

purplepeanut6

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. Just realize that she may avoid you for a while, but don't stop reaching out. Use email or text so she can choose when to respond. Understand it has very little to do with you or your baby, but its about her feeling alone/heart broken. You don't have to say anything other than you are sorry and it sucks. 

I've been on both sides of the loss situation. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.  

this couldnt of said it better myself. as one who suffered a similar loss, it really sucks to see reminders where i should have been. she will probably need some space from you while she copes.  

JennyLynne

stephyfaith:

I have no clue what to say other than that she's in my thoughts and prayers.

Make sure to keep her there as well--one of the things that happens with any loss is that the feelings of sadness, loss, & devastation will probably last much longer for her than you will realize. If she does keep her distance, don't take it personally. She's only doing what she needs to do to manage and live with her grief.
If she is able to still stay connected with you, just be very sensitive to what she's going through. When I went through my loss, I know I had a very hard time listening to women complain about their pregnancy symptoms.You may need to reserve some of your pregnancy excitement when you're around her too. 

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. 

JellyTwoPointO

Be considerate of where she's at and if her emotional journey changes, be considerate enough to go with it. Dont take it personally if she stops communicating with you. Don't talk about your pregnancy unless she asks, and then, keep it short. Offer your love and support. Have a meal sent over to her. Ask her what she needs from you. Be aware that along her journey, there's a chance she might say things you don't think are right or maybe they're hurtful to you. "Hurt people, hurt people." Just be there for her however much or little she feels comfortable with.

stephyfaith

Thanks for the advice. It's a little hard considering she is the pastors wife in our church and I'm basically her husbands personal assistant... Avoiding each other wont be easy. I'll definitely try to tone down the baby talk etc. thanks again for your advice.

weaslewam

I'm so sorry for your friends loss... I agree with what pp's said about how you need to act around your friend... I know how incredibly hard it is post-loss to recover when all you seem to see is pregnancy everywhere. My advice is whatever you do, don't discuss your pregnancy with her and if she asks never mention that you're having bad pregnancy symptoms and that they're bothering you somehow.  

new2011mommy

I am sorry and know how hard it is. My best friend found out she was pregnant a month after I found out with DS. We were so excited because we wanted to be pregnant together and have our children close in age. When she misscarried, I was so upset and also cried for her. I felt guilty about my pregnancy. When she had the misscarriage, i told her how sorry I was. Prior to the misscarriage, we spoke daily about being pregnant and after I stopped bringing it up. As upset as she was, she was still happy for me so she did ask me how I was doing. I only spoke of my pregnancy when she brought it up. About a month after it happened, she began to tell me what happened. She just needed time before she was ready to talk about it. She told me some comments that family members said that upset her and she did not want to hear. She did not want to hear that she could get pregnant again or it was for the best because something may have been wrong. She did get pregnant a few months later and her LO was born 6 months after DS.

lcenci

I have been in this same situation, except our roles were reversed, I had the loss and my friend went on to have a healthy pregnancy. My friend was wonderful about it, was very supportive of me, understanding of how I felt, but she also somehow made me feel included in her journey when I was ready and bonding over her pregnancy helped me heal a lot. She was always a source of encouragement in my own struggles. It is a tough road for your friend, but in my case my pregnant friend became an inspiration and great form of support.