Visiting LO at daycare

mb314

I am new here. DS is 3 and a half months and I am going back to work next week. His daycare is very close to my office and my plan is to visit him most, if not every, afternoon on my lunch break. I hope to breastfeed him at my visits. He is not on much of a schedule for naps and feedings yet. Because of the nature of my job, I am not sure if I can take my lunch at the same time everyday. I am wondering what I should do if he is napping when I visit or just ate. Should I wake him i order to have time with him? He is a good sleeper and would go back to sleep. Any advice is welcome, particularly is you have visited your LO at daycare on a regular basis.

Maybride2

Once your baby starts daycare, they'll most likely fall into a rhythm, eating and sleeping at around the same times every day.  Once that happens you could try to stop in around the time that baby usually eats, but I wouldn't want the daycare to withhold the bottle waiting for your arrival. 

I wouldn't wake my sleeping baby up "to spend time with them".  That sounds like a horrible idea.  The result will be a fussy, over tired baby, and that's not really fair to baby or the daycare workers.....it's just fulfilling your desire at their expense.

honeybee111

I wouldn't wake DD just to spend time with her.  Like pp said, maybe once he gets into a rhythm, you could time your visits for his awake times.

Also, as your baby gets older, he's going to go through separation anxiety, and it will get really hard to visit/leave during the day. 

mben1119

DS's daycare routine is completely different from our home routine. However, in both cases, I never ever wake him unless it is a matter of us having to leave the house or something. A good sleeper at home isn't always a good sleeper at daycare. If he's napping, I'd leave. I also personally don't like to go to daycare too much because I like DS to have our time at home, and his time with his teacher there, and not expect me to be at daycare, and cause him more separation anxiety than we've already been through.

cchill01

I visited DD#1 every day at lunch and am now doing the same for DD#2.  I tell daycare in the morning what time I plan to be there.  They will usually try to keep her awake if they know I'm coming.  She is occasionally sleeping.  So, in those cases, I will wake her up. I also always provide an extra bottle - in case I get stuck at work. 

You will probably find that around 11 months the schedule won't work any more.  At that point they start eating real lunch around 11:30 and going straight for nap that lasts 2 hours.  You definitely don't want to disturb that nap - because that's the major nap of the day.

Tink112011

While I could be wrong, I think you'll change your mind after you get back to work.  Going back to work after a long maternity leave was incredibly hard for me, but you'll get back in the swing of things.  It wasn't long before I realized that during the work day, I am serving my son the best by focusing on my job.  When I'm at home, I focus on my son.

Don't wake the baby.  Naps at daycare are precious.  Also, when he gets a little older, the "pop-ins" will only be hard on him.  There is no way I would pop-in to visit my DS (he's 13 months).

Twirple

I went to visit DS every day at lunch until his first birthday.  If he was awake, I would nurse him, if he was sleeping, I would snuggle with him.  He may not have known I was there, but I still got my "baby fix."  It also had the added bonus of allowing me to get to know our daycare provider really well and I now consider her a friend and completely trust her with Chase.

Helenahhandbasket

Tink112011:

While I could be wrong, I think you'll change your mind after you get back to work.  Going back to work after a long maternity leave was incredibly hard for me, but you'll get back in the swing of things.  It wasn't long before I realized that during the work day, I am serving my son the best by focusing on my job.  When I'm at home, I focus on my son.

Don't wake the baby.  Naps at daycare are precious.  Also, when he gets a little older, the "pop-ins" will only be hard on him.  There is no way I would pop-in to visit my DS (he's 13 months).

 

All of this-- very well said.

cchill01

Since everyone seems to be against it, I'll give you a little extra support.  Babies at 3 months don't have any concept of time.  They don't know if you're gone 4 hours or 10 hours.  They also don't know if you've left the room to go to the bathroom or to go to work.  At that age - you just vanish and reappear.  They will get used to whatever schedule you set up.  DD knows I'm coming at lunch time and gets very excited for my arrival.  Separation anxiety doesn't start until later.  You can always stop if it gets tough.

As for the benefits, it allowed me to continue breastfeeding, when I was struggling to pump enough.  It makes our separation only 4-5 hours at a time.  And, as others have said - I know all her teachers and all of her friends.  I get to see what really happens during her day. 

 

jlaOK

I think that you would probably much rather breastfeed then pump, so if you can go visit him for a feeding then I totally would.  Can you call the daycare ahead of time and see if he is awake and go see him if he is?  Maybe go see him if he's awake and pump if he's not or you are busy at work.

1026pumpkin

I would talk with the DCPs to see what they feel would work the best.  If you know at drop-off what time you'll be coming at lunch, you can let them know so they can try their best to time naps/feedings so that he'll be ready when you're there. 

What I used to do was call about an hour before I was planning to go to see when he last ate/slept and then figure out what time to show up based on that.  If he had just gone down for a nap or eaten, I'd wait longer, if he was going to be due for a feeding soon, I'd move it up.

Once he's been there for a few weeks, he might get into more of a schedule and it might be easier to plan around.

flyingsaucer

I think it really depends on your baby and your daycare. I think visiting is great.  He might do fine if you wake him, but he might not.  Waking him may make him have a cranky sleepless day at daycare and that will totally suck for you (cranky evenings), him and the daycare providers!

sadie+w

My LO has no schedule with me I feed on demand and that is sometimes every hour or sometimes every four hours! but has already a pretty established schedule when his nanny bottle feeds him. So I would give your LO a few weeks to fall into his schedule, and then if it works out for you to take your lunch break around his feeding, go for it.

I would definitely not wake him up to feed him.

shellybird101

call first that way you save your time and gas!!!

ebp913

I had a plan where I was going to go visit at lunch too.  Then her bottle time shifted to 11am and she was asleep over my lunch hour.  You can try but I wouldn't count on going everyday.  You baby will get on a schedule and it simply may not be conducive to your break.  Better to have a rested and well fed baby than you to wake him or make him wait to eat.  You will probably want that hour for yourself as time goes on too!  

mb314

Thanks everyone! I will see how it goes. I have a feeling that I will gradually go less and less, but in the beginning I will want to check in on him more. Calling the daycare is a good idea.

smc008

I work by my little ones DC.  I stop by once a week at lunch time.  In the beginning I visited more, but found her fussing sometimes b/c she was getting on a schedule and figuring things out.  It upset me to see her fussing and not be able to take her home at that time.  So, I stopped for a while... she didn't notice...

Once she was already on a schedule I stopped by more often and would send my husband pics of her playing or napping... he loved seeing her having fun.  I was thinking about BFing but often found she was already fed or not hungry yet.  Since I often needed to pump I just started doing that right before I went in to see her and then we could just play and cuddle!  It makes my day, but I'm not sure it makes a difference to my baby, so don't make your expectations too high, and just enjoy your time with them.

JWSchwarz

Is your goal just to see him, or to feed him so you don't have to pump? You mention that your lunch is at a different time every day.  . .So. .. if he is hungry at 11:30 and you don't take lunch until 12 or 12:30, what would you ask them to do? Make him wait to eat?  Babies get into routines at daycare and really rely on things being predictable (like eating at a specific time, going down for a nap after, etc.)I know a 3 month old probably doesn't have this set of a schedule, but it won't be long before he does. 

SunAndRain

For me visiting daycare everyday is unrealistic.  But I have popped in in the middle of the day or shown up early without calling first just to check and see how things were going.  I certainly wasn't going to call first - I wanted to see how things went when parents were not expected.  As it turns out, everything is running the same whether or not a parent's arrival is imminent

If you want to BF once during the day I would start getting LO on a schedule NOW.  Up at same time every morning with first feeding at same time (give or take 15 minutes) and consistant bedtime routine every night.

And no, I would never wake DD.  I have been WAY to lenient with DH and I going out in the evenings and taking DD which interrupts her sleep schedule.  It was fine when she was a newborn but now she is nearly 6 months and we have paid dearly for this the past few nights; she woke 4-5 times each night!  Finally last night I put my foot down and even though we had out of town guests visiting, I put DD down for a nap at 530 and refused to get her up during their visit (not that they asked).  I figured she would wake at some point before they left but wouldn't you know that she slept more than twelve hours straight though the night!

One of the best things about daycare is they are helping me get DD on a schedule.  I would let them do their thing and spend more focused, quality time with her in the evenings, rather than stress and run around all day.

katsonneborn

See what works for you. DS is at daycare where I work and I visit him as often as I can to nurse instead of pump. In the beginning he had no schedule so I would pump and he got bottles. But around 5ish months he developed a more predictable schedule and I started going over to daycare to nurse instead of pump. Some days work is too hectic and I can't get away so I just call daycare and tell them to give him a bottle (he has a stash of frozen milk at daycare). I love, love, love spending the extra time with him and if you can do that too, great. So far he doesn't have separation anxiety and I will keep nursing him at daycare until it doesn't work for us anymore. As far as naps go, don't wake a sleeping baby. If DS is asleep I pump but that's rare these days that my timing doesn't match his. 

JerseyBride11

cchill01:

I visited DD1 every day at lunch and am now doing the same for DD2.nbsp; I tell daycare in the morning what time I plan to be there.nbsp; They will usually try to keep her awake if they know I'm coming.nbsp; She is occasionally sleeping.nbsp; So, in those cases, I will wake her up. I also always provide an extra bottle in case I get stuck at work.nbsp;
You will probably find that around 11 months the schedule won't work any more.nbsp; At that point they start eating real lunch around 11:30 and going straight for nap that lasts 2 hours.nbsp; You definitely don't want to disturb that nap because that's the major nap of the day.

I am planning on doing this exactly with dd. you didnt have any problem with seperation anxiety?