Dealing with Negativity and melt downs.

NickaDee07

Hey everyone I need a little help Reinforcing some positivity in my 5 year old.

We've noticed she can been negative sometimes and I'd really like some tips on how to teach her to be positive.

 I was also wondering how you cope and talk to your 5 (or around) year olds when they're having a melt down. If she's in trouble for something she just can't calm down. She's always trying to have the last word (5 going on 15? lol) I feel like nothing I say gets her to understand that I'm the adult and she is in fact the child. 

For the last few years I've been trying to correct my parenting because I was indeed a pushover with her until she was 2 or 3. I really regret it now because it's a battle to get her to listen to me. I know consistency is key. But, Sometimes I don't even notice I'm being inconsistent!!  Any advice would be great! Thanks =]

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RondackHiker

About the negativity... Don't make her feel like she is wrong for being negative. Just offer alternative views and praise positivity.

Like, if she says, "I can't do this. I'm bad at coloring."

You could say, "No, you're good at it. Remember that picture you colored for grandma? You can do this," rather than simply criticizing her for being negative.

And the people around her need to demonstrate it. Don't put yourselves down. Don't harp on other's negative qualities. If something goes wrong, show good ways to handle it.

IncognitoSuperhero

First, I don't have a five year old but hope I can still add some value.

As human beings our emotions are effected by 3 things. Our focus, our physiology, and our language. So ill give you some suggestions for each of these geared toward your 5 year old.

Focus can easily be changed by asking her questions. What was fun today? What are you excited about? What are you proud of? Even if she doesn't answer outloud her brain is thinking about the answer. Or more simply, change her focus by asking what she wants for dinner or what book she likes most.

Next, physiology. That's basically our body. How are we breathing, sitting, expressing, etc. ever notice people who are sad and depressed cat thier eyes lower, sit with shoulders down, breath shallow? Try smiling and feeling sad at the same time, it's tough. With your daughter you can get her a glass of water, go for a walk with her, make it silly and say something lol, everytime we say the word "can't" or whatever she uses frequently that is negative, we do jumping stars, or we spin in a circle or do the chicken dance or make silly faces. Something to interupt her pattern.

And lastly language, which I kind of touched on above, are the things we repeatedly say to ourselves. So try and instil some habits or routines, some exciting statements you say together every morning or night. I'm so excited for the day! Or at meal times, this is sooo good!

The thing is, it may sound sily but with a 5 year old, it will work. The biggest part is to make sure she has a supportive environment to do these things. Do them with her, make it fun, make it a game or a little bonding time you have together.

If you share more specifics like when she's negative or what she says or does I may be able to hep more.

CoffeeBeen

I really like some of PPs' suggestions.  I don't really have anything to add.  DS is only 2 and I'm already having a hard time navigating some of the more complex issues surrounding attitude and personality.  Things were so much easier when all I had to do was make sure he was fed and changed.

NickaDee07

Wow. Thank you all so much. Great advice!

hmp1

My kid is only 2 but we have a good behavior chart. It is a way to recognize his good behavior and be rewarded for it (he gets a sticker or stamp when he gets so many stars) instead of only focusing on correcting bad behavior. At night when I am putting him to bed I reinforce them by telling him what a smart, kind, loving kid he is. I go through the behaviors on the chart telling him "I like it when you help clean up" and throw in something not on the chart like "I like it when we laugh together". I keep everything in positive words instead of using "not" or negative type wording. Instead of saying don't hit, I say use gentle touches.