Brother adopting — The Bump
Adoption

Brother adopting

Hi all,

 My brother and sister-in-law have just announced that they're starting the adoption process. They've got a 7-year-old daughter, and have wanted another child for a long time. What I'm wondering is how I can support them during this? I know it's a long, occasionally painful process and I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. What do you wish people had or had not said do you during your adoption?

Re: Brother adopting

  • So great you want to be supportive!  I would suggest maybe reading up on some positive adoption language, and avoid using terms like "real" mother, calling their bio daughter their real or their Own but not the adopted child, etc.  And don't tell every adoption horror story you saw on TV or heard from a friend's friend's 2nd cousin. (Not saying you'd do that, just from personal experience.)

     

    GL to your bro and SIL! And you will be an aunt again!!

    Adoption Blog Updated 2/15
  • Congrats to them!

    There's a book called In On It, which is written for families of those adopting. You might want to check it out and see if it's something that will help you in your role supporting them.

    Other than that, I'd just do a lot of listening, follow their lead, and ask how they want to handle updates, etc. FWIW, I was told that we shouldn't share our plans with too many people, as they would constantly be asking if we heard any news. We only heard that once, from one person. My mom would occasionally say something mildly inappropriate, but I would gently correct her and move on. For the most part, we realize that the "dumb" things people say are usually out of ignorance, not malicious, and are a teachable moment

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  • Thank you all! I'll look into that book and start reading up.
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