Spending Too Much Time In Daycare?

beautiflaw

I've had DD in daycare at least 3 days a week since she was 4 months old. I was working from home but some health issues happened and I had to stop. DD kept going to daycare so I would have some days to catch up on housework and go to doctor appointments. DH is in nursing school and the Navy so during the better part of the year I am almost a single parent thanks to both school and Navy obligations. He helps out a ton on his breaks, and does the best he can on weekends, but this last semester we started having her go to daycare 5 days a week because I have had a lot of health issues. I used to have a doctor appointment almost every day of the week.  Now I have 1 or 2 appointments a week but we have kept DD at 5 days a week so I can have a "me time" day and also to keep the house in decent shape.

I thought I was doing okay, and we were spending enough time together, although I do miss her a lot during the day. I felt like she was getting a better education being in daycare than at home because she has learned to do a lot of things that I would not have known a toddler her age was capable of learning. I feel like daycare is challenging for her and she is learning a lot because she is around older kids. We really like the place we use and her teachers.

Unfortunately thanks to the health related setbacks, during DH's breaks from school we have always scheduled my big medical procedures such as surgeries, so that someone is at home to help me with Audrey while I recover. A lot of times I end up spending a lot of time asleep or drowsy from medicine and DH has spent so much time with DD that she has started to prefer him instead of me. (she wants him to rock her to sleep, feed her, kiss boo boos, runs to him when we pick her up fro DC and ignores me) This has been heartbreaking, but when she was first born we were afraid that she would not bond with him at all since he is gone a lot. I'd rather him be super attached to him than not at all. BUT it feels like she does not not feel bonded to me so it does hurt. But at least its DH...

But then since she's been home a lot for Christmas... I've noticed that she has been calling everybody Mommy. Her grandmother, her dad. Anybody that shows her affection she calls Mommy or Mama. Now I've heard that's pretty normal and I'm trying to let that go. But then she has also been calling for her daycare teacher. Mostly when she's not getting her way or we have to take an object away from her. She even called me her daycare teacher's name a few times. I am devastated. Also she refuses foods at home but at daycare she eats everything they put in front of her, and at daycare she will lay down and take a nap if you just hand her her blanket and a stuffed animal. Here she throws the biggest fit imaginable and I end up rocking her as she cries herself to sleep in my arms. I have asked her daycare teachers what magic sequence of events they do to get her to eat and sleep, but from what it sounds like the don't do anything differently from what we do here. Is she behaving better for them because she likes them more?

I have no idea what to do. I don't think taking her out of daycare all together would be a good idea because she loves the other kids and she has a wonderful time. I am seriously considering going back to 3 days a week though. DH thinks I shouldn't do it though because of the health situation and because he won't be around to help at all during the semester. This is his last year and supposed to be the hardest/most time consuming of all. All my friends who have kids do not use daycare, the moms who work have grandparents or church friends or people like that to help them. But I do not have that and daycare is our only option due to our budget. I love my little girl so much but I feel like I am losing her already!

dragon_chica

Estwd2:

I agree with your DH. I wouldn't cut back her schedule if logistically it works out best to send her full time. Plus you don't want to lose her full time spot if your health gets worse. And don't worry about any of that other stuff. Easier said than done, I know, but it's all normal and it definitely doesn't mean she's not bonded to you. Kids act very differently at daycare than they do at home. I used to work at a daycare with toddlers. They're all like that. My kid is a picky eater at daycare, but eats everything we put in front of her at home. She's an awesome napper there, but iffy for us. She's going through a mommy stage right now, but I'm confident that'll change to Daddy at some point, and probably her teachers. Just because she loves them does not mean she doesn't love you. Trust me, she knows who her mommy is and she loves you. You're doing everything right!

Exactly.

MouseInLux

DD went through a stage of calling any adult Mama, she's changed it now and people are getting the right names...she stays home with me almost all day every day.

snowybride08

I'm sure that's very hard for you.  I would say you should try not to worry too much about it (I know that's hard).  She will grow out of this phase and start getting names right.  Kids show different preferences at different times.  My DD has gone through phases where she's preferred me, then DH, then (annoyingly) MIL.  She goes in circles with that.

I'm sorry things are hard right now, but I am sure they'll improve for you. 

mbgreenwalt

I wouldn't cut back.  All her behaviors you've described are normal and DD1 has done all them.  My girls go to daycare 5 days a week for 9 hours a day.  DD1 is almost 3 and she still does whatever she is told at daycare, naps and eats great.  At home with us is where she likes to test her boundries.  As a working mom I just make sure that the time we spend together is interactive and fun and not just getting them fed, bathed and into bed (although some nights that is all we have time for).

jshf

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time!  It's hard enough to parent without medical issues and lots of help!  Like others said, it sounds like your daughter is just being a one year old!  With DS1, I worried about a lot of things he was or was not doing but then he'd change after a few weeks or months, just because that's where he was developmentally.  

As for your daughter's behavior at  daycare vs home, that is very typical!  The teachers always told me that they often see what other kids are doing and just follow, like eating different things or napping.  

 Kids also push parents boundaries more than teachers because they feel more secure.  Just think how you are with your own family vs friends or strangers.  You are probably better behaved with a group of strangers than your spouse!  

Can you send your daughter half days? Or even if it's 5 full days, pull her out at 3 instead of 5 so you have more time together.  GL!