17 month old hitting

old_time_girl

Hi everyone, I'm just a lurker, but maybe you can help me.
My 17 month old DS has started becoming kind of violent when he's mad. If he gets mad at his toys because they won't do what he wants he'll cry and head butt the floor repeatedly. If I tell him no for any reason, he will hit me repeatedly. I tell him "no hitting" and will set him down away from me and he will headbutt the floor in frustration. One time, I was on my phone and I guess he wanted attention, he came up and slapped me across the face. Took me totally by surprise and I smacked his arm, which is so not the reaction I want to have! He pouted his lip and hit me again, at which point I said "no hitting" and walked away from him.
It just seems to be getting worse! Not better. He's not very verbal, so if he wants something, he'll just hold his hand out and i have to guess. If i get it wrong, he will take whatever i give him and throw it at me. I try asking him to "show me nice" and he will give me a hug or stroke my arm after he calms down, but what can I do in the moment? My mother thinks he's old enough for time outs. Is that an option that you think will help? We have a new baby coming in April too, I would like him not to hit the baby if he gets jealous of the baby or while I'm breastfeeding.

Elsker

I have a 15 month old who...I won't say hits....but taps harder than necessary like she's testing how hard is acceptable to get attention, and has started crumpling to the floor or doing a whole body spasm when she's impatient or when something doesn't go her way. Right now, knowing her learning abilities and personality, my correction is usually to hold the  hand she hit me with and tell her "Do not hit" and tell her the apropriate action (pretty much just like you do)...or while she's crumpled explain either how she can fix the problem then physically do it with her to help her figure out how to do it, or explain what I'm doing to fix the problem (like refilling the Aquadoodle pen) at my normal pace...not getting myself worked up or rush just because she's impatient. I guess my thinking is that, with her anyways, the best approach is to make myself lead by example how to verbally work through whatever is going on so she learns that the physical outburst isn't going to work.

She's really a good natured kid and responds well to redirection for now, so I don't think I'll have to do time outs for a while, but I do think that she could understand what a time out means, so I've been thinking about the best way to go about it...still thinking. Even if he doesn't verbalize much himself, if he understands you when you explain what he did wrong, then I think time outs are an option now.

For DD, I know it's just a phase I'll have to guide her through, I don't think aggression is actually a part of her personality. If it were I'd be more stern and use more frequent redirection. And, I know this is redundant, but just because something doesn't work at first doesn't mean it's not going to-  stay consistent. He'll learn that you're not flexible when it comes to discipline.

cpmich

It is a phase and will pass as long as you respond calmly and consistently. Just say we do not hit, get on his eye level, and speak calmly and quietly. If he throws something, calmly and quietly say if you throw x it is taken away. Take it for an hour or day

A big piece could just be frustration as he wants to communicate. You will see big changes as he becomes more verbal. Whatever you do, realize that he is looking to you as a role model for how to respond. If you yell or hit, he will think it is ok to yell at you or hit you.

cpmich

Also time outs for truly unacceptable behavior works. No longer than 1 minute per year of age or they forget why they are in time out. Save for safety issues though because the moreyou use time out the less eeffective it is.