Is this normal?

hooverj3

Sorry I have been posting quite a bunch of posts lately but things have just been hard lately for me between the feeding every three hours, the attempting (and usually failing) breast feeding, and the constant worrying about my preemie daughter.  I can't believe in 4 days she will be a month old.  The things is, I am a member of January 2013 group on TB and on FB.  I don't know if this is normal for me to be feeling this way or if I have postpartum or something but I just get like extremely jealous of other pregnant people and it makes me sad.  I feel like I should still be pregnant (and I should) and it really hurts me that I couldn't carry her all the way to term.  Like it really hurts.  I feel like I missed out on the third trimester.  And it hurts that all of my friends have carried to term and had perfectly healthy babies.  It's just hard to have a preemie and it has put a lot of stress on my family.  I love her, don't get me wrong, I just hate feeling so sad.  Have you guys been through this?

spain116

You've been through a lot and it's perfectly normal to feel emotional and a little overwhelmed.  You should talk to your OB about your feelings.  They can help you determine if it's something you should be treating.

Try to focus on the positives with your baby.  Stay away from the birth month boards.  Their experiences are no longer relevant to you and your LO.  It will get easier.  Congrats on your LO. 

Brummy14

Im with you 110%. I've pretty much stopped going on the January board for the very same reason. I don't even think both of our girls will be home by their due date....and even if they are, one of them will likely be on oxygen. The level of worry is almost unbearable -- and it's so hard to not have some level of resentment. I even resent other fellow preemie families who have seemingly been getting discharged left and right around me. I've listened second hand to the discharge video so many times it's unfair.

This on top of one of our girls getting a full work up today...she had three PPV episodes this morning. Like I don't already worry enough. We're confident it's just pushing her too hard on weaning oxygen levels, since this is not the first time we've been through this exact same string of events, but that doesn't make it any easier. Over seven weeks of watching daily brady/apnea spells, and I'm completely worn out. It only makes me resentment and worry even worse.

Short version: you are absolutely not alone on this. Not even close. 

PhillyGal34

Totally normal. I avoided my bmb until after that month passed. It hurt too much to hear people complain about being super pregnant and "over it" and bringing their babies home.

It doesn't hurt to talk to someone if its really bad but time can help a bit too

hooverj3

Thanks guys for your support. It is hard but it does help to know that I am not alone in feeling how I do. And brummy I will keep your girls in my prayers. Our NICU stay was short (9 days) but I can't tell you how much I stressed and cried in that setting. I know it's hard and it hurts to see them like that. It isn't how you would ever picture your newborn. I think this whole experience has been super traumatic and I just hope and pray I can hold it together in front of my LO. But, like you ladies have said, i think I need to avoid jan board at least for the time being.  Thanks so much everyone!

excited-to-be

I am in your shoes too!! I was not due till March 6th and had my baby boy nov. 24th. at only 25 and 3 days. My little man came VERY early. And yes, I also feel that way! Feel sad, upset and most of all confused as the is my 2nd child and my first Pregnancy I went full term. I feel as though Im missing out on being pregnant. Its normal and you aren't the only one. I've learned that its okay to cry. hope you feel better

 

DrRx

What you are feeling is totally normal, and as PPs have said, we've all pretty much gone through it.  I had a hard time seeing really pregnant people for a while (particularly at the beginning), and it was a test for me when a good friend from college had her baby shower this past June (when Adalyn was 4.5 months old).  I wasn't sure how I was going to do, but it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

You are definitely justified in mourning the loss of enjoying a full-term pregnancy.  I never even got to make it to the 3rd trimester.  I didn't really have a shower, never had those "oh my god, I'm so huge!" moments, and didn't really get to feel her kick much (also anterior placenta).  DH only got to feel her once, about 3 days before she was born, while I was in the hospital.  However, I couldn't ruminate in those feelings since it wasn't doing anyone any good.  I acknowledged them, processed them, and moved on.  It sounds simple when I write it, but I know that it isn't.  Try to find someone to help you through those feelings--a counselor, a pastor, another preemie mom who gets it.

Anyways, I actually had a great experience with my BMB.  I posted on there about her birth and updates and I had an outpouring of support.  They ladies on there were some of my daughter's biggest cheerleaders, and they really helped us get through it.  So, even though I have a Feb baby, I'm still an active member of the May 2012 board.  They've said that even though Adalyn is technically a Feb baby, she's actually the first May 2012 baby!  However, not all boards are like mine, so don't feel discouraged. 

 

 

punky917

What you are feeling is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with you. I do agree with others that you should talk to your OB in case you need more to deal with your feelings. I have to admit that I did not deal with mine very well for the first 2 years and constantly took it out on people around me.

I know it is hard to think that these feelings will ever go away, but they will eventually. Surround yourself with positive people and express your feelings with your DH or close friends. Congrats on your LO.