AP, daycare, and being a working mom -- suggestions?

JellyTwoPointO

Hi Ladies!

I've posted my extremely newbie questions here a few times and I have been so grateful for the help and advice I've received.  I'm in my 11th week of pregnancy with what will hopefully be our first take-home baby, and I've been told by people in my area to start looking for daycare now because there tends to be waiting lists and I don't want to get caught without one lined up.

I had ideally wanted to be a SAHM and do full AP and EBF but no matter how we worked the budget, we need both our incomes, so I have to be a full time working mom.  Are there any other working moms out there who practice AP?  How do you balance being gone during the day and not being able to do exclusive breast feeding and still getting that super close bond that AP lifestyle tries to foster?  Any tips for how I can work around this?

Also, are there any other AP parents who have their children in daycare? If so, what should I look for in a daycare when I'm trying to foster AP between me and baby?  Have you found any daycares that do anything in particular to accommodate you and your AP practice in any way?  Sorry if these questions seem dumb, I'm just so new at this and trying to create the best possible scenario while having to work :-/

twocents6708

I am a full time working mom and practice AP. I went back to work part time when DD was 10 weeks and full time at 14 weeks. It was hard but a must for our family. We struggled with daycare at first because I decided to send her to a friend who ran a center. My idea was that I would be more comfortable with a friend watching her than strangers. This turned out to be a mistake as my friend has very different parenting beliefs. The baby room had too many kids and they wanted them all on a strict schedule. We decided this was not for us. I found a center with smaller ratio and a wonderful teacher. Ms Jane, a grandmotherly lady, is very much about what works for baby. They eat when hungry and rest when tired. She rocks my LO to sleep each day as this is what we do at home. They were supportive of my decision to cloth diaper and they hold her during bottle feedings. DD loves both teachers and is very bonded to them both they have a helper who comes in the afternoon after main teacher goes home at 3. She has never cried when I have left her but is always happy to see me when I pick up. We have a set routine when we get home which includes nursing, playing, dinner, bath, reading and nursing again before bed. We try to limit any activities during the week to make it easier on her. I had to realize that the chores and me time must wait until after she goes to sleep. This is how we stay connected. She is a very happy, social baby so the daycare setting had never been a problem for her. If it had, we might have had to reevaluate our plan. She goes to childcare four days a week when I work. I pumped at work up until last week. I would watch recorded videos and look at pics on my while pumping to help with supply. Overall, this is what is working for our family an that's what you have to keep in mind rather than feeling like you have to follow a set of rules to be AP.

thatoneredhead

I was really worried about this too. I have an in-home lady who is definitely not AP, but she does wear him when he needs it. Her style is very silly, honest and teacher-like. She is not me at all, but Ive never seen her do anything that is directly against my parenting. 

I asked about the schedules, feeding times, discipline styles, that sort of stuff. The place that sounded more AP style sucked. They were all really young girls with no kids who were going through the motions. I dont love how my baby sitter acts with her own kids all the time, but Id rather have someone who really loves my kid over someone faking attachment and cycling through every month. So I went with non-AP experienced mom. 

Youll know the feeling. I did.  

 

grangerize

I practice AP and also work full time. I found an inhome day care that my friend also uses for her 1 yo that I really like. There are not a ton of kids that go there, so the mom who runs it can be more focused on the individual children. She is also open to ap and wearing my LO and she also will allow us to cloth diaper, too.

Regardless of how little time we have, in the mornings we enjoy snuggle time and nursing in bed before getting ready for the day. Usually as soon as I get home, I will nurse and my LO will take a nap on me. I will then do chores and cook dinner while she hangs out with dad. We then bedshare, which I love. It's a really nice way to reconnect after a crazy day.

Going back to work was a bit difficult at first, but necessary. As long as you have supportive people in your life, and you don't mind pumping at work or the dishes piling up through the week, you will be great!

Meganequine

More and more I consider myself AP, so I thought I'd respond too.  It's absolutely possible (IMO) and to be AP doesn't mean you have to follow all the "rules".  Do what works for your family.  

My son goes to an inhome girl who he and I love.   She doesn't have a lot of kids, and they are different ages, so when he he was little she could focus on him.  Really it's all about finding someone who is willing to work with you. No one is going to beat mom and do things exactly the same as you.  Our daycare gal does CD with the other baby (We do disposible and EC part-time at home.). I pump at work, so he gets BM in bottles and nurses at home.  She rocked him to sleep when he was little (now he falls asleep on his own there- not so much at home but that's okay) and she never let him "CIO".  Like another post said you'll know whether the daycare is right for you or not. 

I would start looking early though, depending on where you live.  The good places tend to be full and there are lemons out there that you'll have to weed through.

Good luck!

Jenny952

I work full time, have my DD in daycare and also BF still.  When I was home on maternity leave with her, I carried her most of the day and nursed her to sleep and held her during most of her naps.  I thought it would be a bigger transittion to daycare than it actually was.  At daycare they give her bottles of bm (now some wcm) and put her in the swing for naps.  It is a little more difficult getting her to nap there, so if it's getting late and she hasn't slept, one of the teachers will put her in the stroller and walk around.  She also has been falling asleep with her bottle lately.  The biggest thing for me when she started d/c was making sure they were comfortable with handling breastmilk.  Otherwise, I know they responsive to her needs there, so I'm very comfortable that she's away from me during the day.

When I get home (DH picks her up about an hour before I get home), she's ready for me.  We nurse and snuggle on the couch for a little bit.  I also still nurse and rock her to sleep at night and sometimes for naps on the weekends.  I would call myself AP-light, as I don't follow all the the practices, but I found a style that worked for me.  If I had the choice, I don't think I'd stay home full-time because I really like getting out and working outside the home.  I've also seen a lot of good things she's learning by being around other kids and being in a structured setting.  The hardest thing is still napping, as we're not on a very good nap schedule yet.  But in just a few months she'll be moving to the toddler room where they all nap at the same time, so I'm hopeful that there will be more routine.  

I think the biggest thing for you is to find a daycare that you're comfortable with and one that will love your child.  The way you parent at home can be a little different than the environment at a daycare.  In the end, what's most important is that your LO feels safe and loved no matter what setting he/she is in.  Good luck! 

erbear

Being an AP has nothing to do with being s SAHM.

Find a daycare you're comfortable with. Pump at work. Breastfeed when you're with baby.  Tons of women on this board (and in the world) work.

SandiaPinaMama

I AP DS and work.  There is no reason in the world this can't work. 

First, find a good daycare.  I have only ever used an in-home daycare, but when comparing my experiences to my sister's, who uses a commercial DCP, it seems like in-home provides a better opportunity for AP.  My DCP did things like babywear, EC, BLW, CD, etc.  She doesn't leave my son to cry.  In short, I love her.

Then, buy yourself a really good pump. I have a Medela Freestyle.  It's hands-free and cordless.  It makes it easy to pump several times a day at work, which is what I did until he turned one.  Then we continued to nurse when we were together until 16 months when he weaned.  I only sent BM to DC, so if you ask me, my kid WAS EBF. 

Also, I recommend bed-sharing.  I didn't think I would do this, and didn't until DS was bigger (he was preemie), so maybe around 2 or 3 months.  But this gave us closeness all night that made it easier to leave in the morning.  DS was at least part time bedsharing until 9 months or so when he started STTN in his crib. 

Finally, get your DH to drop LO at DC.  Makes mornings that much easier. 

hopefulmom81

theresat858:

I consider it exclusive breastfeeding even if you pump and provide breastmilk...but that's just me. (I think it's BS to pull an 'I'm a better mom than you b/c my kid has never had a bottle' card).

For me, AP is far more about meeting my child's needs and not necessarily being 'super close' all the time.  I wear my baby when I can and enjoy the minutes I do get with her during the week.  And I BF her.

But then again, I don't strictly AP. I just do what comes natural to me.

ITA with this.

Also, your LO will bond to you regardless if you SAHM or not based on what you do on your leave and when you are around them.  My DD is a 100% mama's girl and I work 4 days a week, so almost full time.  We have a bond that cannot be described. It seems as though working has not done anything other than make me a better mom (I had horrible Post Partum Anxiety and going back to work helped a lot).

Tampasomedaybride

I went back to work when DS1 was 6 months old. It was incredibly hard but we made it work. When he was little he was in a daycare center. His teacher was a complete sweetheart and Jake loved her. I do think that they put them on a "schedule" and I dont really like to think about how they did it. They allowed us to cloth diaper, they didnt mind using expressed milk, and doing baby led weaning with him. So in most regards they were good. When he was 2 he started going to an in-home daycare and I LOVED her. She was like a second mama to him and she treated him like her own. My advice is try to find in-home care as they will likely be more accomodating.