Embarassing - Violent 3yo

Mama2TwoBoys

I hate to admit it, but it has gotten so out of control.

My 3.5yo step son has become more and more violent. As he's getting older, he's getting more complex &stronger feelings, but still has no way to cope with them. We get notes home from daycare, and even got a phone call it's been so bad.

Here's the multiple times a day cycle:

He gets mad/jealous so he hits/punches/pushes/kicks.  He gets in trouble - talked to, set in a chair for a "quiet time".  If any kid walks close, he'll hit them because he's mad he got in trouble. Or if there is anything near him, he'll throw it.   Then he gets in even more trouble, getting even more mad... Today he was so mad about having to sit on "quiet time" that he peed the chair out of revenge! Gah!!

He's not so bad at home.  But there's also a whole lot less kids at home to set him off. And when he does hit, he goes straight to his room if he's bawling and screaming (because I don't want to hear it), or to the time-out chair. Timer set at three minutes. No exceptions.

I feel like I've tried a million things, and I'm just at a loss as to what to try next as far as discipline.  What would you do if this was your kid? How do you make your kid behave at daycare/school the way they do at home?

Secondly... I don't have much to compare him to... is this just a phase some boys go through? Or is this excessive, and probably time to get some therapy?

TIA.

74dragonfly

This seems excessive. I'd ask your pedi.

shannm

I agree that it sounds like more than a normal phase. I would consult with the pediatrician and maybe if you trust your DCP, meet with them and get more info and maybe their opinion.

cpmich

Talk to your pedi but I also wonder if your daycare is a bad match for his needs. Sometimes kids act out if they are bored, need more exercise, hungry, tired, overstimulated, etc... Especially at this age, it is hard for him to communicate something that complex. He may just feel trapped and lash out to try to retake some power or control.

anonsouthernbell

I would roll play w him at home about what he should do in different situations.  I would ask the DCP what the antecedent behaviors are and I'd ask them to implement a tucker the turtle type program if they aren't using one already.  I'd also check out the book peaceful parenting & work w him to have coping mechanisms instead of a TO.

lcherian

I'd look into his diet. Does he eat any artificial food dyes? Sugar? Gluten can also cause behavioral problems in children, along with dairy. I would try an elimination diet and see if it helps him. It does take a few weeks to start seeing changes.

Sorry you are going through this. Hugs!

lcherian

https://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2012/06/lindsay-straightens-out-her-son/

erbear

Call your school district and get him evaluated. It sounds like he could benefit from some services.

KathrynMD

Is he behaving like this at home/with others too or just at school?

Mama2TwoBoys

KathrynMD:

Is he behaving like this at home/with others too or just at school?

He gets somewhat out of control when he's around other kids, like his cousin who's the same age. He's been quite a bit better around his cousin in the past 6 months or so, but we've also been much more conscious about making sure there are doubles of toys, and finding things they can do together.

I'm wondering too, if DC just isn't the right match. I know his teacher is slowly finding good outlets for him, like art time. 

I think we will talk to his pedi about possible counseling, since with the issues with his mentally ill mother, it's probably not a bad idea anyways.

WiggleBaby

could it be a SPD issue?  this sounds like a kid i know who is getting therapy for sensory issues. overstimulation can be really bad and set off the whole day...

good luck!