Intro and story. Kind of long...

ajsweeton

Hi there.  I really wish that I was not posting on this board, but unfortunately I now belong here.  I went into the hospital on December 1st at 22 weeks 5 days convinced that I was peeing on myself, but I just wanted to be safe and be sure that it wasn't leaking fluid.  Turns out my little Elliott's sac had a leak and was protruding through my cervix which was dilated to 4-5cm.  They immediately started me on magnesium in an effort to stop my labor.  I was transferred to the University's hospital in the hopes that if I were to deliver they would be able to do something to save the babies.  I still had some hope that the labor would be able to be stopped and that  my sweet boys would survive. Sunday morning that hope was dashed after talking with the MFM Dr.  He was pretty confident that I would continue to progress, and he was right. He told us that it was hospital policy to not intervene and that they would not do anything to prolong life unless I reached 23 weeks. Elliott Brian was born at 10:51pm Sunday night.  He was beautiful and perfect, he was just too small to live.  Ryland followed and was born at 11:25pm he was a little bigger than his brother, but still too small to survive.  We were able to show our sweet boys lots of love for the few hours that they remained with us.  I'm having a really hard time accepting their loss right now.  I'm especially struggling with the fact that I am no longer pregnant, I keep thinking that I am pregnant and I still need to do the things I did when I was.  I just don't know how to go on at this point.  I feel so empty like all my hopes and dreams died with my boys. 

thecuddleeffect

I am so sorry for the loss of your boys.

My story is very similar to yours and I feel exactly the same as you do right now. The little things like drinking a diet soda, having a glass of wine, taking something other than tylenol hurt b/c it means I am no longer PG.

The ladies here have been very helpful to me knowing I am not alone in my feelings. 

Feel free to PM me if you want to vent, or cry, or ask questions or anything. 

Huge hugs to you 

 

JordynLeighx3

I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through. My heart goes out to you. You are so strong.

Please know that you are forever a mommy to two beautiful angel baby boys.

I hope this is not the end for you and your SO and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

starburst0928

I'm so sorry about your babies. It must be so frustrating that you were so close to 23 weeks. This board is wonderful and I hope we're able to help support you!

Jennifer271012

((HUGS))

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I'm also so very angry at the universe right now. There are 3 of us right now who have lived the same nightmare over the last 3 months. All twins. All early labor. All shattered dreams.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me.

 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I am so sorry you have to be joining us here and wish we were meeting under better circumstances.  The first few weeks are especially difficult especially with the holidays.  Be gentle on yourself and each other right now.  Do whatever is best for you and whatever you need to do to get by one step at a time.  The ladies here are absolutely amazing and we're here for you if you need anything.  Wishing you peace and love.

Casie13

My goodness. My heart is so broken for you. I can't imagine being so close to 23 weeks and having this happen. I am sorry you are going through this kind of pain. I pray for healing of your heart and body so that you will be able to move forward and do what is best for you and your family. You are the mother to your sweet boys and have them in Heaven waiting for you now. You will see them again and they are safe. Let God heal your heart. It will take time, but He can do it. Many hugs to you today. 

karebear57

I am so sorry for the loss of your sons Elliott and Ryland. ((Hugs)) At first I kept forgetting and putting my hand on my belly to feel Bri and then I'd remember that I wouldn't feel her anymore and break down. I'm over a year out and it's still hard,but it's more "live-able". I am so sorry you find yourself here. But these ladies here are so sweet and caring, you will def. get the support you need. We are here for you whenever you need us.

BeautyfromAshes

My heart is just broken for you. I'm so incredibly sorry. I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks, but I imagine being so very close to 23 weeks is just so hard to bear. I wish there was something I could say...

 A good friend of mine lost her twins in the exact same way also at 22 weeks 5 days. She keeps a blog and now has a non-profit in their honor. If it would bring you any comfort, her website is owlloveyouforever.org. You can visit her blog from there.

 I'm so sorry.  

Poppy715

I'm so very sorry to read about the loss of your sweet boys. I can't imagine the pain and hurt you are feeling right now. I pray for you your partner and family. I know it will be tremendously hard on all of you. I hope you find some comfort and healing and are able to take all the time you need to process this. Again, I am so sorry. 

bunnybun4

we were both on the april2013 board...I am so sorry to see you on this board.

I lost my baby girl the week of thanksgiving when she was 19 weeks...it was totally unexpected (we found out a week earlier that we would lose her) .  I know exactly the pain you are feeling and remember those first days of just utter shock...i still felt kicks, i would hesitate before drinking a glass of wine or eating sushi, I would find myself rubbing my belly.  It just doesn't seem fair to be so "in the clear (aka past 13 weeks) and then have your life turned upside down. 

It is still a shock and I am still so so heartbroken and have probably cried everyday since, but please know that it does get better a little bit at a time.  You will start to feel a peace and clarity and even thankfulness for the time you got with those sweet little boys in your tummy. 

these boards have been such a comfort to me because it is so hard for people in your life to relate to what is happening to you..even your dh. 

we are all here for you...sending many thoughts and prayers your way.

Noethola

I am so sorry for the loss of your sons Elliott and Ryland. I am so sorry that this is the reason we are introduced to one another. Praying for you and your family.

((Hugs))

calibride2005

Im really sorry for the loss of your boys and my heart is just broken for you.  We are all here to help as we have been through the same thing at one point or another.  HUGE ((hugs))

meli1025

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your baby boys. I lost my baby girl in early October at 19 weeks, 3 days. I wish none of us had to be here, but this is a great place for support. Praying for you and your family. Hugs

jbranden12

*ticker warning*

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your Elliott and Ryland. It is hard to believe when something like this happens. I was sure the world would stop turning after our family experienced such a tragedy. But the women here understood my feelings and were a great source of comfort. I hope we can be for you as well.

blessedhope

:::::::::Ticker Warning:::::::::::

I just wanted to give you the biggest hugs that I can send through the computer. I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Ryland and Elliot Brian.