what to do?

monpetitechouchou01

My family thought it would be a good idea to try to work things out amicably between baby daddy and I rather than going through the court system. I knew this was a bad idea but I decided to try it first. 

This is what came of it:

1. he created an "agreement" that he says I agreed to. In it he said he wanted 50/50 custody after the baby is 1 yr old. He has unlimited access to the baby and I have to be at his disposal at all times. I can't go anywhere/do anything without his consent and he must be in agreement. Child support would be deposited into a bank account that he controls, with an amount that he designated, he would give me an atm card and I would share with him everything that I use for the baby. His sister also gets full custody if anything happens to him.

2. I never agreed to any of the above. I also spent almost 2 months waiting for him to respond to my lawyer so that we could all sit together in mediation. None of this happened.

3. When he heard that I did not agree to anything he accused me of caring only about money and placed a stop payment on his child support check. He never told me this and instead I incurred a fee because of this. It has been 2 months since he has provided any financial support for the baby and I won't ask for it because he has accused me of being money hungry since I got pregnant. Now he wants me to simply email him with everything she needs on a daily basis (diapers and food).

I've wasted almost 5k on lawyer fees because of all the run around that he's put me through these past few months. I'm done with trying to be nice (stupid in fact) because in the end I was only accused of wanting money and it seems he won't do anything his lawyer recommends (his lawyer mentioned this to mine). Now I have to come up with another 5 k in order to file for support through the court and finally go through the court for custody (which he has threatened me with throughout my entire pregnancy and even now. He wants to seek full custody and then 50/50 depending on his mood that day).

I'm sick to my stomach with all of this. I even asked him to sign his rights away when I was pregnant so that I could prove to him that I wasn't out for his money. I've done everything on my own and never asked him for a penny even though he makes 3x more than I do. My lawyer says that the reason he wants any form of custody is because he would have to pay less support. If I saw that he was a dedicated dad then I would gladly share custody with him. However, he refuses to change baby's diaper, feed her or do anything but hold her once in a while and then hands her back when either of the aforementioned must be done. 

I can't raise the money right away and I know (according to my lawyer) that letting more time go is a bad idea. However, I can't work, pay the mortgage and provide for my baby and somehow come up with several thousand.

I guess I'm just venting.. I feel so alone.. Please tell me that it gets better. 

bripratt2

Im really sorry you have to deal with this. No offence to good dads but unless baby mama leaves them and baby high and dry they'll never understand fully what a mother goes through. I can fully relate to dealing with a man like that. If he's anything like my baby daddy he's in this for the wrong reasons. If he was fully concerned about the money he would just sign his rights over but men sometimes have this "I am man. I create baby" complex. That's what I dealt with for a while. Also some like yo make people feel sorry for them, like mine. I can't stand the way courts deal with these issues I wish I had advice but I don't know what the laws are in your state. If this sounds like a generalization again im sorry to the goof men on here that's not how I meant it im truly sorry though. I really hope things turn out for the vest you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

pregokat

Cant you write it into the court preceedings to have Him pay all of your court fees ? especially since he makes more than you

the judge 'should' be fair!

Hope it all works out for you girl.. I'm getting ready to start that process no fun! 

KTdidit

Unfortunately, speaking from experience, trying to be nice and work things out without the courts always comes back to bite you in the @$$. I tried that with BD and its been hell ever since. Luckily, the "agreement" your BD drew up holds no water and if he takes it to court trying to say you agreed it will make him look like a jackass. The judge won't believe for a second that you agreed to any of that. Second, don't worry about him thinking you are a money-hungry golddigger, LO is his and he has a respoinsibility to take care of his child. And your lawyer is right, BD having any kind of visitation lowers his CS payments. But has he seen his LO regularly? It sucks and I'm sorry you gotta go through all this, but court really is your best option. The judge will determine what's best for your LO and will force him to pay CS. And if he doesn't, then he will go to jail.  Good luck!

preggersin2011

It didn't cost me anything to file paperwork in the court system.... 

mamastich

Some courts offer free legal when it comes to family stuff can you look into that? I never had a lawyer for my divorce or custody cases and won everything. It may matter that you already had a lawyer but good luck!

kristak53

mamastich:

Some courts offer free legal when it comes to family stuff can you look into that? I never had a lawyer for my divorce or custody cases and won everything. It may matter that you already had a lawyer but good luck!

 

This... I was lucky enough to not have gotten a lawyer but got free legal help from a women's center but I still represented myself in court. We had to go through mediation and then finalized everything in court after mediation to have it put on file. Now if I need to change anything, I just need to reopen my case and file again and go back through mediation and everything but it was worth it. One of the best things I learned was to treat the relationship with BD like a business relationship and that helped me with things to keep them strictly about my son. GL! You can do it!