Is sharing toys teach-able???

ilove613

My son is 15 months old and an only child. (we're due in June with our second) I have a babysitter who watches him and another 18 month old. Whenever new toddlers or babies come over to play/visit he will absolutely do everything he can to take everything away. I've tried having him pick out a toy for his friend and one for himself, and when it comes time to giving it to the baby, he pulls it away. I've tried "NO" and removing him from the situation...he walks right back over. I've tried saying "We must share. After he's playing it's your turn"..nada. HELP??! Or do I just let this ride itself out??

Karen1998

He's too young to truly understand that concept.  You need to redirect him.  I think sharing is a 2+ concept, though it takes a lot longer than that for actual mastery.  Some never get it.  

Ms5586

LalaMama81:

Agree. Model taking turns.  

This is what we do.  "J, can you give mommy the brush? Thank you!"  "J, would you like to hold the brush? Yay!"

Ms5586

burp

stacey171

Try giving lots and lots if praise when he does share something. I have done that with dd and she actually shows off her sharing skills

kcisthebombdotcom

We do my turn/your turn a lot. My youngest already gets it and waits her turn or moves onto something else. It might be more temperament--my kids are just patient and easygoing.

Also, if my oldest wanted a toy my younger child had I would have him get DD another toy to play with. This doesn't work as well now that she's older but it's something that's helpful for when your #2 is still an infant.

TiffanyBerry

Are you trying to teach sharing or taking turns?  They're different.

If it's a single item that they cannot both play with, they're not sharing, they're not both using it.  They're taking turns.  And you can just enforce taking turns - you get it for a minute, now it's the other person's turn.  (No "can you give it to...?" nonsense.  "Please give it to...", as it's not a choice.)  And YOU can take turns with him too - take turns playing with his toys, ask him to take turns playing with your "toys", and talk to him about you and other adults taking turns, including pointing it out when you see others do it.  And praise any little bit he does.

Same type of thing about sharing - if it's something they CAN both simultaneously play with or it's something that is divided and you get less of (like sharing food), call it that.  Know, though, that this sort of thing, real sharing, is harder for toddlers - they don't get what they wanted to have, even for short periods of time.  They get less.  But instruct, practice, talk about it, praise it.

It can take a long time to learn, and you have to be super consistent in your teaching of it.  But it can be taught.

And you might consider letting him "put away" a couple of special toys that he doesn't want anyone else to play with.  Everything else is fair game to share and take turns with, but a few special things he doesn't have to share or take turns with (though maybe he can't play with them while other people are over... depends on the toy... I wouldn't have the "you can't play with it either" rule for a lovey, for instance).

jenb_99

Karen1998:

He's too young to truly understand that concept.  You need to redirect him.  I think sharing is a 2+ concept, though it takes a lot longer than that for actual mastery.  Some never get it.  

   Sharing and taking turns are both teachable--obviously, since we all learned it at some point--but they're developmental milestones that are just too advanced for most toddlers, especially those under 2. You can model, facilitate, and moderate, but your LO won't actually grasp it or truly be able to put it into practice until he's developmentally ready. Peaceful parallel play is probably the best you can hope for at this stage.

SkyBee

Ms5586:

LalaMama81:

Agree. Model taking turns.  

This is what we do.  "J, can you give mommy the brush? Thank you!"  "J, would you like to hold the brush? Yay!"

This is exactly what we do as well.

raspberrytea15

Sharing is a tough one! I think it comes with maturity but even adults struggle with it. LOL.

laurakaz13

I do think it's teachable, but at a certain age.

aliciaroset

We're trying to teach empathy to help motivate her to want to share so if she takes things I'll label the emotion of her partner (and her because she usually does it when she's frustrated) 

ilove613

Thanks everyone! Nice to know my kid is normal!