Well. That sucks. IUI fail

Manada

We just got the call from the clinic. They inseminated too soon, I hadn't even ovulated yet this morning when we went for monitoring.

The nurse who called said that maybe some sperm will survive long enough... But from what we've read we had a 6 to 24 hour window for it to happen. Looks like this cycle is a bust before the egg even made it out of the gate.

Am upset, and angry and hate the feeling like 1000 and a fantastic sperm sample and follicle were all wasted.

To top it off we got the autoimmune results back and I am positive for the SSA/RO antibodies which is worrisome for my, and potential fetal health....

This freaking sucks.

mollykelley

Hey Manada and Healz, I'm so sorry! This sucks big time. Three months out of my TTC we missed my ovulation and I was so bummed to have wasted a month. I've come to believe it is a miracle that anyone ever gets pregnant because the timing is so precise and it is a very short window. Here's to trying! And may you grow in your love in the process... I know my wife and I have. 

mollykelley

Manada:

They inseminated too soon, I hadn't even ovulated yet this morning when we went for monitoring.

Does your RE not give you a trigger shot to force ovulation the day before?

Manada

mollykelley:

Manada:

They inseminated too soon, I hadn't even ovulated yet this morning when we went for monitoring.

Does your RE not give you a trigger shot to force ovulation the day before?

No. Our doc was adamant about the natural cycle this time... No triggers or other support things offered.

Next time I promise there will be a discussion of the trigger shot. Argh. We worked so hard trying to do everything right.... It just feels like a waste...

clairmeij

I've never even heard of this happening! I am so sorry that this one isn't 'the' one. Sending positive energy in you two's direction.

 

 

JoySeattle

I agree that this is really sucky, unbelievable news! In all my years following, researching, and actively ttc, I've never heard of this happening with a monitored cycle (even those without trigger as usually the clinic RE is confident that ovulation is impending based on u/s and labs). Have you spoken with your RE about your frustration? Do they have a reason for this error in insemination timing? We you using opks and/or charting in conjunction with their monitoring? I know that it's an art and a science, but would be very angry if I spent that much money/time/energy to use a professional and that was the outcome. I hope that you can get some support around the new antibody diagnosis and have a plan in place for next cycle.

healz413

Thanks everyone.

We think that it happened because on Tuesday for cycle monitoring we had to see a different doctor at the clinic (our doctor is out on Tuesdays, so this other doctor always takes her patients). He made the call based on the blood work and u/s for us to come in on Weds for cycle monitoring and insemination.

By the time our doctor saw Manada's charts on Wednesday, we had already told the andrology lab to thaw our sample (which is the first thing we're supposed to do on insemination day). So, when our doctor met with us for the insemination she reviewed the chart from Tuesday as well as from Wednesday morning. At that point she told us that she wanted us to come in this morning (Thursday) to do cycle monitoring "confirm" that Manada had ovulated.

We weren't able to stay for long enough to meet with our doctor after the ultrasound and bloodwork today so the nurse called us this afternoon to give us the results that Manada had not yet ovulated but that our doctor thought she would very soon and that the sperm would still be alive.

Most of what we've read has led us to believe that that frozen, washed sperm will not still be alive so far outside of the 12-24 hour window . . . 

 We have not had a chance yet to talk to our doctor about this or about what, if any, responsibility the clinic will take.

Since we're in Canada, the cycle monitoring costs are covered (thank goodness!) but the sperm plus insemination fee totals $950, plus all the time, energy, hoping, planning, etc. that went into getting ready for that insemination.

ball.and.chain

I agree with Joy that it is really strange to me that they messed this up.  I missed ovulation on my first month TTC because I was with a midwife practice and scheduling (using OPKs) was totally up to me, but in my mind part of the point of switching to an RE was not having to worry about timing issues. It seems to be pretty clear from u/s and b/w results, and my RE also had me use OPKs as a back-up to make sure we didn't miss a surge in between monitoring appointments. Personally I think a trigger shot is always worth it, even for otherwise natural cycles, but even without a trigger they should have been able to time it right.

Manada/healz, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can imagine how frustrated you must be, especially when things seemed to be going well fertility-wise.

Two*True

I'm sorry.

Manada

Thanks everyone for your support

 

I have never heard of this one either.   On Wednesday, when she asked us to come back in - our doc said (very flippantly) "Well, the first cycle is always a shot in the dark anyway" ... as a means to probably prep us for the news we got yesterday.....  

I was like "Umm -- WHAT?!".

I'm so frustrated and sad.  When I think of the fistfulls of vitamins & supplements I've been taking, all the acupuncture, the 7 times I've been to the clinic in the past 16 days.... not to mention the money...  I just want to (and often do!) cry again.    We did everything right, that we could have.  And it'd be different if it had a chance and just didn't take -- but it feels like that was all wasted, and the only message we get from the clinic is "Well -- it's just a shot in the dark anyway!".  Argh!

AND to continue my rant... I ASKED our doc at the beginning if we should do a cycle of just monitoring first to get a sense of what it looked like before we put all the money in, and she said NO!  She said there would be no reason for it!  

(/vent!)

I am just so, so frustrated and upset still...   We're pretty sure the clinic isn't going to offer anything to us except their weak "there could still be sperm alive" and "you never know with the first cycle".................   which is so hard and makes us feel powerless.

 

But thank you all for your support and caring.  We don't have many friends who understand and get it.....     You can best bet that next cycle we'll be charting and I'll be peeing on OPK's left and right.   AND next cycle we're ordering two vials of sperm so we don't end up in this place again.

Bah.   Thank you all.

2moms2b

I am so sorry you are going through this! I know this probably isn't the time for this but I am mad for you!

I am so sorry your doctor doesn't seem to take it seriously especially where the finances are concerned.  I would be hot and not quiet if I was given that response. 

I completely understand trying to use a little medicine as possible especially the first few tries but it seems like with all your testing and the results they would want to optimize the success of each try.  

My only piece of advice is be your own advocate and the loudest advocate for yourself and future tries.  If that means switching doctors, demanding trigger shots etc.  Don't be afraid to speak up and out as you are the one paying for their services. 

Best of luck for the next cycle and I again I am so so sorry this happened especially with all the positive signs from the monitoring this cycle! 

Manada

Our doc just called us back.  I am now going to refer to her as Doctor Optimistic.

Her messaging was that while EVERYONE says sperm lives 24 hours, she thinks it lives longer than that, and because our sample was SO good ("practically the same as fresh") that she thinks there is reason to suspect enough would live it out.  

While next month she will "probably make the call at least a day later", she was super optimistic on the phone...   And said that yesterday's bloodwork showed a "peak surge" that was really strong.  She also offered that we can call again if we had more questions about this one - which we appreciate.

 

I still feel like the iui was pretty clearly done a day too early.    And I think that at least now they know what a peak surge looks like in me, and so they won't be calling it as early next time.  

I don't know if I believe her about the sperm living long enough, but Healy made a really good point today that we are in a position of having to defer to the docs, and it really is better if we can feel like we WANT to trust what our doc is saying, both now - and in the future....   and so maybe just in the interests of  that working relationship being okay, we need to let ourselves get picked up by her optimism a bit and placated by her friendly tone and "If it's a good egg I really think you'll get pregnant!" statements (Seriously!  She says that to us!). 

 

Me - I still think it was done too early and our chances are so slim I don't want to let myself be carried away.  Healy prefers the optimistic route and is singing songs at my belly telling the sperm & egg that the urge to merge is great in our family because we're lesbians and get it -- and offering them a uhaul to help with the process because it's their 2nd day meeting   She is so cute.

 

 

mollykelley

Sperm and egg uhaulin!!!! I love it! I'm going to go with Healy and remain optimistic for you. Though I honestly would be a bit jealous if it worked your first time, I truly want this for you guys!!! Thoughts and prayers for you!!!

Manada

mollykelley:

Sperm and egg uhaulin!!!! I love it! I'm going to go with Healy and remain optimistic for you. Though I honestly would be a bit jealous if it worked your first time, I truly want this for you guys!!! Thoughts and prayers for you!!!

Thanks for your optimism...!

I won't blame you for any jealousy if it happens! Heck I think it is so unlikely myself that I may actually start getting way more spiritual if it takes. A sign from the universe or something against all odds.

Balancing a desire for optimism with protective pessimism is hard.

...BUT... There may be a YouTube video of Healy singing to the sperm and potential zygote it's hard not to feel better when you have it on repeat! Won't share unless/until she says okay!

mollykelley

Manada:

There may be a YouTube video of Healy singing to the sperm and potential zygote it's hard not to feel better when you have it on repeat! Won't share unless/until she says okay!

Oh please share!!!

Manada

Oh this is beyond goofy :. I love it, and healz.

 

https://youtu.be/3wng-73aJh4

tdmklm

Manada:

Oh this is beyond goofy :. I love it, and healz.

 

https://youtu.be/3wng-73aJh4

This is one of the cutest things I've ever seen. LOVE.

mollykelley

Manada:

Oh this is beyond goofy :. I love it, and healz.

 

https://youtu.be/3wng-73aJh4

Adorable! I love it!

They say it works if you talk to/sing to plants. So it should definitely work with a zygote!