Late Term and Child Loss

Weird feeling

I feel lonely no matter who/how many people I am with.

I feel almost homesick, constantly. I guess I just miss having my two little buddies with me. But I never thought I would feel so lonely.
Lilypie - (5WpR)
Me(26)PCOS, Hypothyroidism & Incompetent Cervix  DH(28)Azoospermia
4/11 Off BCPs -- Cycle 1-3 (6months) - No ovulation, Provera
Cycle 4-6 - Provera, Clomid 50mg, CD23BW - All BFN (HSG-all clear)
Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
IVF ICSI #2-  (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
<312/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix <3
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term 
IVF#3 - June 2013 -  canceled.
IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
 ER 8/7 19R 9F 3dt of 2- 8BF embryos. (+HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1 - 82.8 Beta #2 - 821 Beta #3 - 7254
9/11/13 - U/S shows 1 baby HR 135bpm! EDD: 4/30/13
It's a BOY!!
2/9/14 - DX Gestational Diabetes
C-section scheduled for 4/7/14 (36w5d)
Colin Joseph - 1:07pm 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
Everyone Welcome!

Re: Weird feeling

  • It is lonely, knowing you should still be carrying two little growing lives within you. Its lonely knowing that after you deliver your babies, you should be holding them. It is lonely, because even if others held you babies, you were the only one to carry them. They were a part of you, you were sharing the same blood in your veins.

    Please know you are not alone.

    Lilypie - (qptF)

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."

  • I think why I feel lonely is because I have so many supportive people they don't understand what I am going through, even to some extent my DH.  I know that he lost a child too and is struggling but I don't think he gets the depth of the loss I feel.  I hate that being around me is uncomfortable for some.  Today, I went to lunch with a few women that I used to work with because we are all out on leave and they were sharing their labor experiences and got all quiet when I jumped in.  I know that there is a sad ending to my story but I like talking about both my girls and don't feel I should ignore the daughter I lost in favor for the daughter that we have with us.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • I remember feeling so lonely right after my loss.  I remember begging my DH not leave during the first week after my first loss.  You develop this connection with your baby/babies.  You talk to them.  

    And now that's gone.  It's normal to feel that way.

    The only thing that made me feel connected to my Isabelle was to hold her urn.  I know it sounds weird, but when it hold it, I can feel her with me.

    Try to find your special way to connect with your babies.  It may help your loneliness.

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    BFP #1 - 01/12/12, EDD 09/12/12, Medical Induction @ 21 weeks 05/03/12
    BFP #2 - 10/30/12, EDD 07/04/13, Natural m/c @ 5 weeks 11/01/12
    BFP #3 - 02/07/13, EDD 10/12/13
    Dx: Incompotent Cervix

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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