Playing the Martyr

chloebeth930

DD has had some major set backs and is no longer STTN. I told DH that it is time for some serious sleep training and possibly even some longer periods of making her cry before checking in her.

He wasn't very supportive and would go in right away to check on her or hold/sing her to sleep. I tried explaining to him how this wasn't helping her learn how to fall back asleep on her own but be just wasn't getting it. I can count on 1 hand the number of times DH has gotten up in the middle of the night to do feedings or soothing her. After a huge blow up on my part earlier this week DH said that even though he had to get up for work in the morning ummm excuse me being a SAHM is work too but that is a whole different subject that we would just switch every other night getting up with her. The first night he got up with her the first few times then when she ate at 2 am he just stayed awake and then bitched the whole next day about being tired and then took a 2 hour nap that night when he got home. Tonight she has fussed twice and now he got all frustrated and said that he is just going to sleep in her room on the floor which is where he is now.

I really feel like he is playing the martyr here. The way he is coping with getting up is unrealistic for any type of long term situation or heck even longer than a week. I feel like he is making it seem like he is having all this difficulties I mean seriously, sleeping on the floor in her room just so he can prove that he can do it too. I don't need a martyr, I need someone who can be supportive of getting her to be able to fall back asleep on her own instead of us running in there at every whimper. Any advice on how to get DH in in a plan for getting her to STTN, especially if he isn't supportive of it the CIO method is completely out of the question in his mind.

Sorry for how long this was...if you made it this far you get a nice warm cookie!

Excuse the shotty grammar... bumping from my phone

TnG05

Everything Theresa said.  We have a video monitor so I always look to see what he's doing before jumping up to get him.

If you start responding to only real crying instead of whimpers and stuff it'll help. Over time I've gotten better at letting LO cry a little longer before responding especially when I know he's just fighting his sleep.  If he's crying for over 5 minutes I go back in his room and talk to him and see if somethings wrong.  Most of the time he just wants to snuggle or comfort nurse (which I don't mind because of supply issues).  DH lets him cry a lot longer when I'm not home if he's sure he's dry, full, and not having gas pains.  As far as night time duties, DH does not get a say because he's not getting up with him (I nurse at night). I'm up most nights at least twice sometimes three times. 

fryrat

Try pointing out the difference between a cry and a fuss. DH would go check on her at every little sound, but now that he knows what's a real cry (which we get up for) and just fussing, he's much better.

rubber_chicken

If your husband is against CIO, I think you need to be respectful and understanding of his wishes as a parent.  There are sleep training methods that don't involve CIO, do some googling and find a method you can both move agree to.  This is one of those parenting things you're going to have to find common ground on.

mben1119

rubber_chicken:

If your husband is against CIO, I think you need to be respectful and understanding of his wishes as a parent.  There are sleep training methods that don't involve CIO, do some googling and find a method you can both move agree to.  This is one of those parenting things you're going to have to find common ground on.

This.

mylittlesunshine

I agree on being on the same page with your DH. We did Ferber with DD1 and just started with DD2. I am so happy that we did it with DD1 (and currently DD2). Like mentioned, you will learn the difference between fussing and when they truely need you. DD2 cries for maybe 10 minutes, then she just wiggles around in her crib until she gets comfortable and falls alseep. We bought a video monitor with DD1 when we started sleep training and that really eased my nerves about doing it. By sleep training it has saved my sanity and it allows me to get things done like make bottles, wash pump parts, but most important, it allows me to have some 1-on-1 time with DD1 before she goes to sleep.

My vote is to do your research about every type of sleep training there is and have a conversation with DH about it.

chloebeth930

Thanks for all the advice.  I have been pushing for DH to research some other method that will make him feel comfortable but he has yet to take the initiative.  He keeps giving excuses so I guess he will just have to buckle down or CIO it will be.

Man... I miss sleep