Baby Showers

Taking NB to a shower?

A couple of weeks ago I got an invitation to a baby shower for February. I will be RSVPing soon, but I wanted to take my LO with me as I am EBF. She will be less than 7 weeks old when the shower occurs. I have seen this question asked before on this board from the opposite end, but still wanted to get feedback. How should I word asking the host if this is okay or not okay with her so I don't make her obligated to say yes? If I do take DD and she gets fussy at all, I would leave the room until she calms down. Also, I plan to baby wear, so there wouldn't be the "Can I hold her?" option and it would be less likely that she would steal any attention from the MTB.

Thanks! 

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Re: Taking NB to a shower?

  • Wow - that's an early invitation!

    There really isn't a good way to ask to bring an uninvited baby.  If you know the hostess ask her by when she needs an answer because you can't commit this early, not knowing arrangements for childcare.  That may prompt her to offer to let you bring the baby.  And if she says she'll understand if you can't come because of BF or whatever, then you have your answer.

  • I think its kind of a given that a NB can come to a shower. its less than 2 months old, and your BFing. If someone says anything at the shower to you, I would find that very rude. If the baby was 5-6 months old, I would possibly rethink taking him, since i'm sure you'll already be in a schedule, ect. 

    If your still unsure, don't goto the MTB, its not her decision to have/not have kids there.. plus what happens if she says no? I would be upset at her. Ask whoevers hosting, and if they say absolutely not, then say, i'm sorry, but it's very unlikely I can come now, and I hope the MTB can understand.  

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  • I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

    Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

     

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  • imageJoy2611:

    I've never understood these questions.  Every baby shower I've ever been to, I've known the host or the guest of honor well so I would feel comfortable asking face to face. 

    "Would it be all right if I brought my newborn?  No pressure, it would just make things easier!  But, if you say no or feel like it's unfair to other parents with children, then I completely understand."  

    Communication.  It's a shower, not a wedding reception or an upscale party.  I just don't see the harm in asking - straight up, face to face.

    I agree! 

    Yes, ask.  But I would hope a newborn wouldn't be an issue. 

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  • imageHelenahhandbasket:

    I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

    Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

    I agree with the "uninvited guest" thing. I would just send regrets.


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  • I'm in the don't bring babies to showers camp, personally. I would get a pump and leave LO at home with some milk, or stay home.
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  • I'll be a FTM, but if I were you I wouldn't want a 7 week old in a room full of women during the cold and flu season.

    However, if you're comfortable with that then ask the MTB or hostess what they think and go from there.  I don't think it makes a difference which one you ask unless you have a relationship with the MTB and not the hostess.

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  • In my circle it is not uncommon for children to attend with their mothers, however I wouldn't want my 7 week old among a bunch of people during flu/cold season so I'd just send regrets and a gift. 

    If you REALLY want to go, contact the MTB or the host and ask.

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  • Baby not on invitation = baby not invited.
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  • imagediscobelle:
    If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

    This.

    Plus, it may be best to keep the baby home because of the flu and cold season. If you really don't want to pump and let dad take care of her, then I would send your regrets.

  • imagecinderin:
    imageHelenahhandbasket:

    I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

    Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

    I agree with the "uninvited guest" thing. I would just send regrets.

    This.

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  • imagediscobelle:
    If the baby is not invited not on invitation, I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours. nbsp;By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.


    I agree. Take advantage of the opportunity to get out by yourself for a while.


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  • It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

     

     

     

  • imagea13049:
    It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

    You are incorrect on several counts.

    a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

    b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

    c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

  • imageRoxyLynn:

    imagea13049:
    It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

    You are incorrect on several counts.

    a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

    b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

    c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.



    Like a pp said the newborn isn't taking anything extra from the party, and a newborn is not a toddler that could be going nuts at the shower. Even of its an adult party, what are you doing at the shower that the newborn is changing the whole character of they day? Asking the host politely doesn't have to be putting her on the spot, and she can politely say no please don't brig your newborn. The hostess is an adult and can handle a simple question. Most adults are understanding that I is difficult to leave a new born, especially when bf. and IMO your third argument is just plain being nit picky about the rules of ettiquette.

     

     

     

  • imagea13049:
    imageRoxyLynn:

    imagea13049:
    It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

    You are incorrect on several counts.

    a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

    b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

    c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

    Like a pp said the newborn isn't taking anything extra from the party, and a newborn is not a toddler that could be going nuts at the shower. Even of its an adult party, what are you doing at the shower that the newborn is changing the whole character of they day? Asking the host politely doesn't have to be putting her on the spot, and she can politely say no please don't brig your newborn. The hostess is an adult and can handle a simple question. Most adults are understanding that I is difficult to leave a new born, especially when bf. and IMO your third argument is just plain being nit picky about the rules of ettiquette.

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  • imageRoxyLynn:

    imagea13049:
    It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

    You are incorrect on several counts.

    a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

    b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

    c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

    Totally agree.


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  • imageJenniD2:

    imagediscobelle:
    If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

    This.

    Plus, it may be best to keep the baby home because of the flu and cold season. If you really don't want to pump and let dad take care of her, then I would send your regrets.

    I agree with these.

  • imagecinderin:
    imageRoxyLynn:

    imagea13049:
    It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

    You are incorrect on several counts.

    a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

    b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

    c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

    Totally agree.

    I also totally agree with Roxy

  • Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)

  • i was at a shower a few months ago and brought my LO (BFing) I checked in with the host first to see if it was ok and made it clear that if it was a no kids event I totally understood but that I would not be able to attend. My LO was not really on a schedule and I couldnt be away for to long... anyways I showed up and there were lots of babies and BFing mommies!

    I would just ask, I know that I would have been sad if a friend didnt come to my shower because she was afraid to ask.

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  • imagebripratt2:

    Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)

    Your post is exactly why this is an issue.  It seems that people nowadays don't realize that not everything is about them.  The shower isn't about you and your baby, it's about your friend.  It's ok to leave the little one for a few hours.  If you aren't ok with that, stay home.

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  • imagebripratt2:

    Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)

     

    I wasn't suggesting that a BFing mom leave her baby.  I am suggesting that the BFing mom not attend if she can't leave her baby.

     

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  • O no ya I mean if I was a host
  • Its not about it being about you vs your friend its just parenting really. This is just weird to me! Lol
  • imagebripratt2:
    Its not about it being about you vs your friend its just parenting really. This is just weird to me! Lol

    And being a parent means never leaving your child? Anyone who feels like that is going to burn out very quickly.
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  • I agree with the PP that said that baby not being on the invitation means that baby isn't invited, and isn't necessarily welcomed. 

    At my shower a couple months ago, someone asked to bring her DD and I felt obligated to say yes.  Did I want her to bring her DD?  No (it was an adults-only party), but I would have felt bad telling her no, so I went along with it.  At the end of the day, DD stayed home with dad while mom came (and mom was happy for the time away), so it all worked out, but it's an example of why you shouldn't put your host on the spot like that.

    I'm due on Monday and will be welcoming a newborn any day now (I hope!), and can't imagine ever assuming that it's alright for me to take her somewhere.  I've gotten invites to stuff in January, and have offered my regrets already -- I simply don't know whether I'll be able to easily leave her (whether she'll be okay with a bottle, whether I'll feel up to it, whether dad'll be available to be with her, etc.), and I wouldn't want to mess up their head count while I'm not sure.  A couple people have said that I can bring her or her & dad or said if it works out to come ahead anyway, but it was without prompting/asking a leading question.

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  • imageLiz4444:
    imagebripratt2:
    Its not about it being about you vs your friend its just parenting really. This is just weird to me! Lol

    And being a parent means never leaving your child? Anyone who feels like that is going to burn out very quickly.


    That's not all what she said. That's an extreme jump from I'd like to attend a babshower with my little one to I can never ever leave my child.

     

     

     

  • I'm kinda shocked that so many people think that asking to bring a baby would be rude.  Any shower I have been to, this would have been completely acceptable. If I had taken either of my daughters to a party at that age, they probably would have slept through the whole thing in their carseat.  It would have been a non-issue.   I think the "it's flu season" argument is ridiculous too.  It's not like a room full of people will be holding your child.  My kids rarely got sick while I was bf'ing anyway, and I did not keep them in a bubble.  Heck, one started daycare at 6 weeks.

    But, seeing how invites went out like 3 months early, maybe it is a terribly fancy adult-only event.  You know your friends/family better than we do, so ultimately it is up to you if you think it would be appropriate.

  • No! I didn't mean it like that! But breastfeeding is important if you have the opportunity to breastfeed its really beat that you take it. But for me its that an alternate care provider just isn't usually possible. So ya if someone that close to me said I couldn't bring her I might be a little offended not to.mention confused as hell.
  • imagebripratt2:
    No! I didn't mean it like that! But breastfeeding is important if you have the opportunity to breastfeed its really beat that you take it. But for me its that an alternate care provider just isn't usually possible. So ya if someone that close to me said I couldn't bring her I might be a little offended not to.mention confused as hell.

    Who are you talking to?

  • I just don't understand these posts.  Probably never will. 
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  • imagediscobelle:
    If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

    This. I will never, ever understand the mentality that BFing women cannot pump and leave the baby with their father for 2 hours. 

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  • imagerpalen29:
    I think its kind of a given that a NB can come to a shower.
    This.
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  • imagelaurenbell09:
    imagerpalen29:
    I think its kind of a given that a NB can come to a shower.
    This.
    Um, no it's not. Have you been reading this thread? At least 15 responses have indicated it is not a given that a newborn can come to a shower.
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  • I don't even remember who I was talking to but I wasnt saying that moms can never leave their kids just that it is better not to skip sessions for mama anf baby its not just about the milk itself its about the bonding and the skin to skin not to mention supply. Its not impossible or rediculous for mom to leave baby with daddy but its incredibly insensitive to tell a mom o just leave baby at home. As a host I would never have asked that of a mom . So im surprised that someone would and think that o its no problem.just leave baby at home. I guess staying home is an option but if you know me well enough to invite me to a shower I don't understand why you would invite me in the first place if my options were come alone or stay home. Some women do want breaks from 24/7 baby duty those are necessary but if you don't need a break and you want to breast feed it is best not the only way but the best way to do so. I also don't understand why breastfeeding would be considered as an inconvenience. If it helps that's when I took my naps its how I was able to get any rest after being up all night. I never had the option to take turns during the night. But I was always taught its better not to anyway in Lamaze.
  • imagelaurakaz13:

    imagediscobelle:
    If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

    This. I will never, ever understand the mentality that BFing women cannot pump and leave the baby with their father for 2 hours. 

    Not everyone feels it is acceptable to be separated from a 7 week old (or younger) infant.  In some cultures it would never be thought of to be apart from your baby at that age.  I think its an incredibly personal decision-that is, when it is "okay" to leave your baby with someone else.  As much as one woman may raise her eyebrows at another for "not being able to leave the baby for 2 hours" another may raise her eyebrows at a woman so quick to leave her infant.  Its best not to judge on this matter, in my opinion.  

    As for the baby shower invitation, I am generally in the camp of no name on the invite, then they aren't invited.  It sounds like your baby is not yet born, though, so I think it could have been an oversight to not have included your child's name on the invitation.  I think it would be okay to tell the hostess that you will have a newborn at that point and ask if it would be the kind of event where a baby would be welcomed.  I think she will most likely trip over herself in assuring you that your baby is perfectly welcome.

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  • Not everyone feels it is acceptable to be separated from a 7 week old (or younger) infant.  In some cultures it would never be thought of to be apart from your baby at that age.  I think its an incredibly personal decision-that is, when it is "okay" to leave your baby with someone else.

    And in some cultures, it would never be thought of to consider a father taking care of his own child as "leaving your baby with someone else."

  • imagelaurenbell09:
    imagerpalen29:
    I think its kind of a given that a NB can come to a shower.
    This.

    No. It isn't.

  • Well if I left her with her father he'd have her hitting the bong within the hour lol
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