DH Vent~I know he means well.....

bridetobe6808

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. I have got to get this off my chest.

I just found out DH opened up a credit card at a sporting good store to get 20% off his purchase and to buy me my Christmas presents without me knowing what he got me (or where).  First of all, we are trying to get RID of our credit card debt, not get into more debt!!!!!!! What the heck was he thinking? 2nd of all, he bought me stuff to wear to golf in....Um, I haven't golfed in probably 7 months. Nor do I plan to golf anytime soon. I'm a little too busy working and taking care of my child. I realize that he gets days off where LO is in DC or with my parents and he gets to golf, but I don't have that luxury. SORRY. I told him he was ridiculous and that he shouldn't ask me what I want for Christmas if he's going to buy me something that I have absolutely no use for. I wasn't mean about it, just being real. His argument is that he likes to surprise me on Christmas and that he got 20% off with opening the CC. I don't like surprises and you would think after 4 1/2 years of marriage he would know that by now. And Yes honey, you save 20% but that goes out the window when you DON'T pay your bill in the first month!!! AHHHH I'm so annoyed. A store credit card, really? We've talked about this so many times. He's agreed!!! He's promised not to open anymore credit cards. I'm making him take everything back and pay off the rest of what he isn't taking back (gift for his dad) on Thursday. He said, "Fine, I'll take everything back and you can go buy your Christmas presents and I'll wrap them to put under the tree." Brilliant. I'm totally fine with that.

Netty_3

CurlingRocks:

I'm so sorry he opened the charge card without consulting you!  I commend you both for taking steps to get out of debt because it is so hard to do.  And I hope he will learn his lesson from this.

I do think you over-reacted a bit about the gift.  It isn't like you specifically said "Don't get me golf gear, but here is a list of things I will appreciate."  You just gave him a list of things that you would appreciate, and he thought he could come up with something nice on his own.  Next time you golf, make sure not to complain that you don't have anything nice to wear.  He probably thought that you'd be happy to have something nice to wear next time you do find time to golf.

I agree.  CCs are the worst! Although, its been 7 months since you last golfed not 7 years.  Maybe he's thinking it's something he enjoys doing with you...I don't know...I act happy with anything DH gets me, because I have watched years of my dad trying to pick something thoughtful out for my mom and her loudly saying it was stupid.  I hate that, and this last year (after 43 years of marriage) he didn't get her anything because he was sick of trying...she got upset over that.  I say good for him, because he got the same reaction, but saved money and time in the process. I am glad DH thinks of me, and honestly tries. 9 times out of 10 it's dead on, but that one time I can suck it up and smile and be grateful.

Netty_3

Oh...that being said...I would be frustrated if DH opened a new CC as well. For the same reason. Hopefully your last conversation will help him remember the financial goals you have.

Mustardseed2007

I would react exactly the same way as you are. DH and I went through financial peace together right after we were married so hopefully this would not come up. For Christmas presents we agreed how much we would spend on each other and then we transferred the money into our separate "mad money" accounts that we keep so that presents can stay a surprise.

 It's deffinitely not necessary to open a credit card to do that, no matter what the discount is.

 He was trying to be nice, you got to give him that. But you also got to communicate how not good that part of the "gift' it is.

Kaeldrasmommy

I can understand being upset about the card, but you are really going to make him return a gift that he bought you? That seems a bit rude, it sounds like he's trying to give you the chance to do something you enjoy.

bridetobe6808

He is a restaurant manager who has days off during the week, rarely on the weekend. I work 8-5 M-F. LO is in DC 3 days a week and with my parents the other 2. His schedule is always different. If it works out that his days off are the days my parents would normally watch LO, then he watches her. If he ends up being off during the times she is in daycare, he typically enjoys his day off and then picks her up early from daycare. I don't blame him for golfing, he works hard. I just don't have any time where I get to do that. Unless I take a sick day while she is in daycare. Since I work during the week, I really don't get a whole lot of time with her, so when I am off, I enjoy spending my time with her. It's not being a martyr, just personal preference. When she is old enough to golf, I'm sure we will enjoy doing that together. Right now, it is just not a priority to me. And, yes, I will take back his present. I'm not shy about that. His feelings won't be hurt.

NewFamily09

Oh I would be very upset too.  That wasn't very bright on his part.  Is he always impulsive like that?  We refuse to have any kind of credit card debt in our house, so if for some reason I had some, I would do EVERYTHING to get out.  Seriously, if you are in debt with a credit card and it has a normal interest rate, I would seriously consider skipping Christmas all together.  Maybe just get 1-2 presents for your LO this year until it's gone. 

lana22

i may not have read the OP clearly enough, but maybe he figured you guys could pay off the bill without carrying debt. it sounds like he was trying to do something sweet for you and meant well.

MesmrEwe

Kimbus22:

LibbyLouHoo:

bridetobe6808:

He said, "Fine, I'll take everything back and you can go buy your Christmas presents and I'll wrap them to put under the tree." Brilliant. I'm totally fine with that.

You said his feeling won't be hurt, but this statement from him makes it sound like they might be.

Yep.  Any sentence that starts with "Fine." means that it is not fine for 99% of people.  I get being annoyed he opened the card because you specifically discussed them and agreed not to.  But it sounds like he was trying to do something nice for you and you're just being a crank about it.  Why not say thanks and then return things in January after you say, "You know, I was thinking about it and I just don't get time to golf right now. I think I'm going to return those clothes and get X instead because I'll get more use out of it now."

I'm getting the vibe that he was ready to pay for it right then and opted to get the additional 20% off... If he pays for it the second the bill comes, and that is agreed to and accounted for in the budget, I don't see the problem. Especially if it's a one-time-use card for him...

IMO, I think you were a bit harsh on him.  Yes, you want to get out of debt, and, you really have learned to HATE golf, but think about it from his perspective, he got you the outfit because he wants to go on a GOLF OUTING with you as a surprise.  He wants to do something spontaneous with you, his WIFE.  Sure, you want to spend time with your LO when you're off work, but maybe when he has off work, he'd like to spend some time with you too nurturing your relationship.  In 20 years you don't want to be looking at eachother saying "hey, don't I know you?!?!?" because you haven't invested the time into a healthy relationship with eachother. 

catahoulatte

lana22:

i may not have read the OP clearly enough, but maybe he figured you guys could pay off the bill without carrying debt. it sounds like he was trying to do something sweet for you and meant well.

 

I agree.

Mustardseed2007

To me, the gift is not even the important part. It's the opening up of a credit card that is the important part. If this were my DH, he could have bought me something I LOVED and had always wanted, and I would still have been mad that he opened up a credit card without us being in agreement on it.

Some couples may not work that way, but paying off debt was a big issue in my marriage from the beginning b/c we had a lot of it. It sounds like it's a big issue or the OP too.

If he had opened up a card to buy himself something or to buy me something. I still would have been mad if this had been my DH.

The only part, to me, that makes the fact that a gift was purchased for the OP is that I would have said - "thank you for thinking of me, but you know that as a family we aren't opening new debt. We talked about that."