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JulyMomma2U2

The most challenging part about having babies 12 months apart... Challenges as a Mother, and challenges as a wife...

lately, and its probably hormones, but I've been panicking as to how this is gong to change our whole dynamic.. Both as parents, and as a couple...  

morgs8384

If I had to pick, it would be a toss up between physically getting out to places and lack of sleep ( depending on how good of sleepers they are).

Mine are 13.5 months apart. Luckily the oldest is a pretty good consistent sleeper, until you bring in teething 4 molars at once. The first couple months were hard, I could be up with LO and DS would wake up in his room a half hour later. But things are mellowing out now.

And just getting out to do errands/appointments/anything. Yes, we have a double stroller, which, if we go to a store and they don't have a cart that I can put both boys in, I have to get out. Luckily, my mom and DH are helps so I schedule any Dr's appointments, hair appointments, and big grocery trips when I have someone around to watch them, it's just way easier.

 

SarahRae85

I think I'd have to agree 200% with pp.

The sleep exhaustion, especially if you have both of them waking up for whatever reason. DD1 was a great sleeper, but she did have rough weeks (sick, teething, etc.) when I'd be up almost twice as much in the night but still have to function the next day. The oldest is still young enough they need you to do everything so you can't just lay on the couch and get them to do some things themselves.

And going places. My oldest was able to walk, but it was easier to carry her most of the time, so I often walked places carrying both of them and scouring parking lots for carts to park next to.

I think the biggest challenge as a wife was meeting my DH's needs. My sex drive tanked when I was pregnant and I had no energy for it in those first few months postpartum. So, it was the better part of 3 years before our sex life returned to normal and we had a hard time. Because the sex was less, the physical intimacy (holding hands, etc.) suffered. I had to make a conscious effort to make that a priority in our relationship, because it was important to DH. I actually had a private goal of 3x a week, whether I was 100% in the mood or not. I didn't always meet the goal, but it kept us at at least 2x a week and it helped. DH could have gone without, but his "love language" is physical touch, so it was important to our relationship. So, basically, make sure meeting your husband's needs, whatever they are, remains a priority. It will take a conscious effort, because you'll be so caught up in survival mode with two kids, but it'll be worth it.

kagl08

Mine are also 13.5 months apart. For the most challenging part of those 1st few months was how I had to be "on" at all times. I was exhausted and never had a moment to myself. Complete exhaustion, like PP stated, also. My oldest didn't STTN until 2 weeks before my youngest was born. My youngest was born early and had lots of health issues, so we had a very complicated 1st year. I was getting up with my infant, then an hr later getting up with my toddler. They were teething at the same time a lot (although different teeth obviously). My toddler got all 4 eye teeth the same time my infant got his 2 front teeth. It was tiring. I couldn't shut off. Even when they were finally asleep I couldn't sleep because I had anxiety over the fact that I knew one of them would be waking very soon. It's evened out now though and we have found a great routine. Although, my youngest is still not STTN consistently at 15 months old. 

And PP me mentioned her challenges with her DH being the last of sex drive and lack of intimacy, I have to agree xs 1000! So true for us. We are 15 months into this journey and we are no where near "normal" in our sex life. We are working on it and finally have time to focus (slightly) on us as a couple, instead of on us as mom and dad.  

kcisthebombdotcom

For us, I found that it really wasn't that bad. In retrospect I was anticipating 2u2 to be so challenging and when it wasnt as hard as I ancipated it didn't seem so bad. We had a pretty brutal first year of parenting--our marriage was in a bad place. When #2 came we had moved past that. I think she actually brought us closer together. My DD was an easy baby and we had adjusted to sleep deprivation by that point. DH and I also function fairly well on little sleep, so this might not necessarily be the case for you. I also thrive with being busy. With that being said, my opinion would probably be a whole lot different if I had a colicky baby or my oldest was a difficult toddler. I think it's more challenging to do things now vs when they were both still babies.

I think having a second child made life easier in ways. I learned to let the little things go and I wasn't nearly as paranoid since I didn't really have a choice. I learned that if a LO had to cry for a minute while I did something it wasn't the end of the world and wasn't going to scar him/her for life. Now that we've moved past the infant phase, they have a built in playmate and aren't so dependent on me for entertainment. I definitely don't regret having them this close and if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing.

JulyMomma2U2

Thanks guys!! DS has been STTN since 8 weeks.. butttttt, he was an extremely difficult baby up until just over 4 months.. he had awful colic, reflux, extremely sensitive tummy issues, etc.. he slept great at night, but he did nothing but cry from the time he woke until the time he went down at night.. for this reason, DH and I really think we are prepared pretty well!! All of our friends and family members have also joked how we'll be experts next time since DS was SO difficult.. I'm really hoping that this experience helps us the next time.. the way we look at it.. LO#2 can either be easier, or just as difficult..

The only thing that worries me is sleep.. we were very lucky that DS1 slept well.. even when we first brought him home from the hospital.. he slept in 3 hour stretches.. it made the day time much easier to handle when he was constantly screaming when I had been able to get decent sleep the night before.. there's no guarantee LO#2 will sleep as well, and that very well could be a big challenge.. 

I do worry so much about DH and I's relationship.. we get along great.. even with DS, we still rarely argue/fight.. we share responsibilities (we both work FT), we compromise on our parenting differences, etc.. I think a lot of the "strength" in our relationship comes from the fact that even though we're "busy" and "parents" now, we still manage to have an hour or so every night to ourselves.. together.. DS is in bed by 8:30, and DH and I have that time to unwind on the couch, watching TV, or reading a book, etc.. I worry when we add a second to the mix, that "us" time will quickly end.. I've already found "intimacy" to be an issue.. I'm absolutely exhausted this pregnancy.. I've heard every pregnancy is different, but wow!  Exhaustion seems like an understatement most days!  Hopefully that magical energy burst in 2nd tri will come right away!  DH is patient and understanding, and never makes me feel guilty.. I just wonder how much more difficult it will be once the second baby is here.. and whether he'll still be this patient!!

I flip flop nearly every few days.. I go from so excited and happy and just absolutely overjoyed.. to nervous, and unsure if this was the wisest decision, etc!  DH keeps saying it's my hormones making me feel so unsure.. it's just a really big life changer.. we've adjusted really well to 1 baby.. I'm just not so sure adding baby number 2 will be as smooth of a transition!! Oh well, we're up for the challenge!  Was just looking for insight from others