Disciplining very sensitive kid

Littlejen22

I don't know how to handle DS sometimes. He is 6 and very sensitive which is fine but he freaks when he gets in real trouble. Tonight I found a piece of fabric from a dress up outfit. I asked what happened and he said he did not know. I asked who was wearing it and he said him, I asked again what happened and he said he cut it because it was bothering him. I told him he lost free access to scissors they were his homework scissors and because he lied when I first asked he lost reading and singing tonight. He SOBBED, partly because he got it trouble and mostly because he said e loves his songs. The only reason I am posting is to see if anyone would have handled it differently especially since he is very sensitive. I want to teach him but do not want to break him.

LoriLee14

i don't think so. maybe he will remember this next time he lies. Lying is a big deal. Maybe talk about it again in the morning and tell him that you enjoy songs and books too but lying hurts others around him. Sorry he is upset and i know that it hurts but i hope that it was a one time thing and he remembers this

~Kat~

Sounds like an appropriate consequence to me. My 5 year old DS can be very sensitive, but I try not to let it influence the way I deal with him. Just because he is going to get upset doesn't mean that he shouldn't be disciplined in an appropriate manner. As long as you aren't being harsh with him, I don't see a problem at all. 

neverblushed

First of all, I'm assuming that when you say "dress up outfit" you mean like a costume, not a fancy sweater vest.  

I wouldn't take away privileges for this.  I would talk about the fact that, by cutting something, he's permanently changed it and maybe even ruined it.  There's no way to fix it now.  I would help my kid understand that they have to really think and maybe talk it over with an adult before they attempt to "fix" one of their belongings in such a way.  If it was clothes, I'd expect a 6 year old to ask for help when something in the clothes "bothers" him, not take matters into his own hands.

But my kids tend to be pretty thoughtful and responsible.  Part of why they behave responsibly is because I give them ownership over their possessions.  If they have a dress-up outfit that they want to cut or change -- it's their decision to make.  However, I want them to learn to make careful and thoughtful decisions.  So I would look at the situation you described as a teaching opportunity, not a situation that called for punishment.  However, if it he cut up clothes, I may be more inclined to be harsher.

Littlejen22

Thanks Neverblushed, very good points. And yeah, it was a costume. And he is generally a very good kid with good decision making, I think I got most annoyed because he lied but I know I need to work on not "snapping" so easy.

KatFCo

Did he know the consequences for lying ahead of time? Sometimes DD acts like that because she forgets the consequences or I change the punishment on her. If I know she's lying or otherwise disobeying, I remind her of the rules and the consequence and then give her a chance to change. If she still doesn't, then the punishment stands.

lb1212

Not to be a B***h, but a punishment isn't supposed to be fun. LO getting upset over a punishment (IMO, a fair punishment) is sort of the point. Aside from changing the bedtime routine, have LO write sentences! Not only will LO have an added benefit of handwriting practice, writing, "I will not tell lies." really sinks in! Limiting access to scissors (even safety ones) is always a safe move! Today it was a play outfit, but tomorrow it could be a haircut!

During a punishment, if DS (or SD) begins to cry, I'll pause for a minute to A) evaluate if I'm being way to harsh and see if there's another reason for the tears (is SD or DS sleepy, starving, or am I missing something?). If DS/SD is hungry, I'll give them a quick snack before enforcing the punishment. If DS/SD is acting up because they're sleepy, sometimes a longer time out that results in a nap is the cure.  If I think I'm being reasonable and SD/DS is just upset over being punished, I can say, "ok let's count to 5 (or 10) and calm down for a minute so you can hear what I'm saying." I can always say, "On second thought, I think it would be better if ..."  - there are times when I'm being too harsh and I think it's a good think for me to fess up!

whoopsybaby

lb1212:

Not to be a B***h, but a punishment isn't supposed to be fun. LO getting upset over a punishment (IMO, a fair punishment) is sort of the point.

I agree with lb1212, removing privileges is a reasonable result when the rules are broken.  That's what happens at all levels of society, so IMO kids should learn this reality as soon as they learn cause and effect.  It makes so much more sense to me than corporal punishment on one end or no consequences on the other, neither of which is the reality of adult life.  Both of my DDs are sensitive and tend to whine when tired or hungry, so I hear plenty of guff sometimes but I just try to remember the end result.  It helps to give plenty of hugs so they realize it is the behavior being rejected, not them--IMO they can lose sight of that when they're overwhelmed.  I also use the opportunity to explain exactly what I am punishing: taking the scissors, the cutting itself, or any acts of deception, etc, so they understand where they erred and can hopefully learn from their choices.  Also, I do think sensitive kids tend to have sensitive parents--it's definitely true in my case--and hearing those tears cuts to the quick sometimes, so I have to remind myself AGAIN of the end result...