Eeek! First call with an EM

fledgegrl1

We just got our first call from an EM! We're excited, but trying to stay calm and realistic because it is very early in the process. So folks, help me out with two questions: 1) what questions should we be asking?  and 2) any tips on negotiating these initial conversations with grace?  I want us to get to know each other but I don't want to rapid fire questions at her either.    Also, I should say, we aren't working with an agency so it's up to us to ask all the "getting to know you questions".

Thanks!

crene84

That is exciting!  Even though we were contacted by our BM 2 days after activating our profile, we stayed online for a month and spoke with many expectant mothers or their family members.  We of course wanted to make a good impression so we avoided asking some of the more personal questions up front, but for us, most EPs were very open from the beginning, answering the "tough" questions without us even having to ask.

Some questions I asked in first conversations--how far along they were, how long they knew adoption was something they wanted to consider, if their family is supportive, if the birth father is supportive, etc.

Good luck! 

JodyA118

Congratulations!! That is great news! When speaking to the EM, we were careful to sound as natural as possible...We started out though emails. The first call was not nearly as awkward as i expected. I tried to speak to her as I would a friend. Asked questions like " how do you feel?" " how far along are you?", "is your family supportive?" and basic stuff. I tried to let her lead the conversation as much as possible. After awhile, it got easier. In my case, just like creen said, she kind of answered a lot of the questions without us even asking...very forthcoming. However, we are still cautious and are waiting for her to give birth to a healthy baby and sign the consent before we actually believe it...you never know..

Good Luck...every call is a step closer!! AND it only takes one!

NikikruiseWed40116

I may have missed it earlier, and I am also new to this process, but how are you getting calls from EM if you are not working with an agency? I thought sites such as parentprofiles made required you to be working with an agency. Just wondering if you care to share.

Thanks!

JodyA118

Independent Adoption means you do not have an agency. You are responsible for your own advertising and profiles. Most websites require that you are certified to adopt but dont necessarily have to be with an agency. hope this helps

NikikruiseWed40116

Thanks Jody!

JodyA118

no problem! Are you currently working with an agency?

NikikruiseWed40116

No, no yet we are researching agencies right now. I hadn't given much thought to Independent Adoption but I may have to do some more research.

Are you doing Indep. or agency ?

crene84

NikikruiseWed40116:

No, no yet we are researching agencies right now. I hadn't given much thought to Independent Adoption but I may have to do some more research.

Are you doing Indep. or agency ?

Just thought I'd jump in here, hope you don't mind!  DH and I went independently. Our only source of advertising was parentprofiles.  Parentprofiles does have a few requirements.  If I remember correctly, you had to have an adoption attorney OR agency and a valid home study.  Our situation isn't typical, but going independent was amazing for us. PM me if you'd like more information. 

JodyA118

We are doing independent are happy so far. We have matched with a EM but just waiting patiently for the baby to be born...and hopeful it works out. We advertised online as well. I like that we can control how much or how little we advertise and speak directly to the EM to get an initial vibe.

NikikruiseWed40116

Sorry to op for thread jacking.

Thanks ladies for all the info.

Crene your baby is absolutely gorgeous!! I may take you up on the offer for more info. Thanks!!

Jody I hope it works out! I'll be thinking of you.

JodyA118

Thank You! it's all very scary at this point. We are hoping for the best but preparing for the worst....

fledgegrl1

NikikruiseWed40116:

I may have missed it earlier, and I am also new to this process, but how are you getting calls from EM if you are not working with an agency? I thought sites such as parentprofiles made required you to be working with an agency. Just wondering if you care to share.

Thanks!

I don't mind sharing at all. ParentProfiles requires you to be home study approved and to be working with either an agency or an attorney who attests that you are legally eligible to become adoptive parents and to advertise (for lack of a better word) to meet expectant mothers. We are working with an attorney who advises us as we go through the process. We're trying this out for a few months to see how things go, and if we aren't seeing much progress, we'll reconsider working with an agency to help. Hope that helps! (and sorry for being slow to respond to your question).

fledgegrl1

No apology necessary at all!    I'm happy to learn that there are other folks on here doing their own independent search.  Best of luck to you all.... may we all be as lucky as Crene (who inspired our attempt at going independent!)

JodyA118

are you doing parentprofiles.com or parentprofiles.net?

fledgegrl1

JodyA118:

are you doing parentprofiles.com or parentprofiles.net?

parentprofiles.com

That's the one Crene used also.

NikikruiseWed40116

Thanks for responding! I would like to try and start off independent as well and see how it goes.

Keep us updated on how you like it if you don't mind!

fledgegrl1

NikikruiseWed40116:

Thanks for responding! I would like to try and start off independent as well and see how it goes. Keep us updated on how you like it if you don't mind!

Will do! Thanks, and good luck to you too.