i thought of an important question thay no ones been able to answer

bripratt2

I actually just posted an intro the reason I started a new tread is I figure more people are likely to answer this if its not part of an intro. As I said in my intro baby daddy's not around. Its actually a good thing that he's not but I always worry what happens when she gets older I don't want to lie to her. But how do I do that if she will most likely never see him? Sorry if this is too much posting I hope you Gus don't consider it spam if so ill remember that for next time!

sweetie0228

You tell her the age appropriate truth as she is able to hear it.

1. Of course you have a father, but he decided he didn't know how to show you love and care for you the way you needed to be so he lets all of us love you.  AND then list all the stable wonderful people in her life.  You, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, family friends, mentors coaches teachers...etc

2. Your father and I met and made you at a very young and unstable part of our lives and we decided it was best if you stayed and were cared for by me and lists of people who are stable and loving in her life.

3. You father's name is ____________ I dont' know where he is but he made the choice to give you the best and most stable life posible b/c he couldn't promise to maintain that for you. So he decided that I raise you with  LISTS OF PEOPLE who are stable and loving.

Stay positive, matter of fact and that it was something wrong with him that he couldn't take care of her and made a loving decision not to distrupt her life and that nothing is wrong with her he just isn't capable of showing her the love and care she needs.

 

bripratt2

I probably should add that as of October she has a step daddy and she's only thirteen months old so she's too young to know the difference I suppose. He's daddy to her and biological father has never been around and wont be so how do I deal with the situation when there is another fatherly figure arond?

bellaleanne

bripratt2:

I probably should add that as of October she has a step daddy and she's only thirteen months old so she's too young to know the difference I suppose. He's daddy to her and biological father has never been around and wont be so how do I deal with the situation when there is another fatherly figure arond?

I actually experienced this when I was a kid.

By the time my mother tried to tell me about my biological father, I had already heard enough adult conversation to have figured it out. I don't even remember a time when I didn't know, and I don't remember finding out because I was so young. I remember my mom trying to tell me about it, but I was surprised that she thought I didn't know.

When you think your child is old enough to have the discussion, tell them an age appropriate version of the truth. Don't be surprised if they've already figured it out, though. 

 

keychain01

I think your child to is too young to have this conversation. When they get to a great age to discuss this, I'm sure your response will come to you. And the fact that there is another male figure in their lives already makes me think that you might be stressing too much over this. They will probably not even think about it. It will come to you, when (if) the time comes.

Anne1989

Don't lie about the father being dead and don't omit it either. My ex was raised with a stepfather who was in the picture by the time he was 1 years old. He reacted badly as a teenager when he found the child support checks from his biological father. He has a good relationship now with his half brothers, but he reacted really badly and had to get professional help because he had assumed his biological dad was dead.

He knew his stepdad wasn't his dad because he was a quarter or half black and his dad was white. 

 He also reacted badly when his stepdad died when he was 22.