I have a friend who is a stay at home mom and never wants to go back to work. Now she is sending her 5 year old to prep school and encouraging her to be a lawyer. What kind of role model is this mom?
What are your thoughts about parents living the lives through their children versus allowing children to pursue their own dreams?
Re: So you were AHM but want child to be a lawyer....?!?
It is a bit silly to try to guide your young child in the direction of a particular career, like attorney, but hoping that your children become well educated and have many options before them is a great thing! Perhaps her daughter will want to stay home with her kids, and that would be fantastic if she can afford to do so. Maybe she will want to be a working mom. Maybe she will decide to be single and "the fun aunt" or maybe she and her husband won't have kids...
Wanting your child to have a bright, full and open future is a good thing. Not encouraging them to explore and dream of future possibilities would not make you a good role model.
When I was pregnant with DD1, I always said that my main goal for her was that she be happy. DH said that his main goal for her was that she be a happy astronaut. (Specifically, the flight surgeon on the return mission from Mars.) He isn't a doctor or an astronaut...But, does that mean that we can't encourage her to reach for the stars?
Although I agree that lawyers are not really the best choice right now [although maybe that will change in 20 yrs] , I love the idea of letting children, especially girls, know they can be anything they want to be. It's easy to forget, but it was not too long ago that all women had no choice but to be sahms. Nowadays that seems like a crazy idea, that a girl wouldn't have the choice to become whatever she wants to be, but it was the reality. I think it's important to keep encouraging our girls and letting them know, at an early age, that they can be whatever they put their minds to.
My mom was a SAHM mom while my siblings and I were kids, and is also a lawyer (practiced law before she had kids and practices law now that we are all grown up and out of the house). I am a lawyer and work at a firm, but I could have the flexibility to work less hours, not work for a while and then go back, work full time but on a flex schedule, etc.
I don't see the problem with a SAHM giving her kid lots of ideas for future careers.
Need more info before I can side-eye. The only part of your question that I can answer is the second part, and obviously my thoughts are that parents should not be living their lives through their children no matter what.
But your first paragraph doesn't really relate. Do you think women who want their kids to have career aspirations need to have careers? That a SAHM shouldn't encourage education or a career? Confused.
I get what OP is asking... the mom has chosen that her happiness is being a SAHM... so the child should have the choice to choose her own happiness.
DH and I will encourage DD to choose an education that will give her the ability to take care of herself and a family if need be. If she chooses to stay at home after she has her education that will be fine... but we want her to be able to support herself without being reliant on someone else. We will not restrict her to a specific career, like a lawyer, however...
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a good education and career for your child even if you are a SAHM. The only silly think is that that she is being specific but who cares.
My mom never got a college degree and worked as my dad's medical secretary /billing person a few hours a week (and not for pay, this way they didn't have to pay anyone one else). She never worked outside the home after she had kids. She instilled in us early on that girls need to be able to support themselves. After all you never know what the future holds.
This girl may not want to get married or even have kids. She may get married and then get divorced or widowed. She may not necessarily be taken care of if anything like this happens and would need to be able to support herself.
I think it is very important for a woman to be able to support herself. And if she decides that she wants to give up her career for the rest of her life then so what. She is still educated and has something to fall back on if necessary.
My life didn't turn out the way I had planned. I was divorced at 29. My plan had been to get pregnant (luckily never did) before 30. I got divorced and then remarried later. I had my first and only kid at age 37 after I had worked in my chosen career for 7 years. Now I have the flexibility of working a few hours a week (mostly to fund my retirement) to keep up with my skills. I don't know that I will ever go back to work full time, probably not. But if anything happened and it was necessary for me to do so I would have something to fall back on.
My MIL got an English degree and never worked a day in her life. But there is nothing wrong with being educated if you don't plan on working. At least you have options.
i think everyone has dreams for their children but this doesn't always mean they are trying to live their life through their child. They might like for their kid to be a lawyer but as long as they don't push the issue and let the kid decide I see no problem.
PS. And what if a welfare SAHM who never graduated form HS encourages her kids to get a good college education?. Should she not be able to do that because she never finished HS. That is just wanting a better life for your kid.
A renowned neurosurgeon grew up very poorly and his mother was a single mom and illiterate if I remember right. She made her kids read a lot (and managed to hide the fact she was illiterate) and pushed them in school. He is now a successful neurosurgeon and probably wouldn't have become that if it hadn't been for his poor, single illiterate mom.
No where does it say that a SAHM has no right to encourage their kids to follow their dreams so I don't know how people are coming up with that one. What was said was don't force your kids to pick a certain path...let them follow their own.
But OP really...you could have worded it better. Saying "what kind of role model is this mom" was a bit harsh.
I highly disagree with any parent choosing their kids career. I think as a parent it is up to us to notice what makes them happy and then encourage them to do that.
That seems like a really kind, generous translation of the OP. You're probably right, but the way I read it was much more offensive.
Yes! I think that's the part that really stood out. Not a nice or even intelligent thing to say.