Late Term and Child Loss

beyond frustrated...

My husband and I have become close friends with another couple since we have been dating.  The guys have been best friends for over 10 years and the wife and I become close friends.  The guys were both the best man in each others wedding and I was her maid of honor last year.  When I became pregnant in the spring, she started to try not soon after.  Well, they are now pregnant with their first and are due in the spring.  We were so excited to be able to raise kids with them and then our tragedy happened.

It has been 7 weeks since Killian passed away.  Since then, I have not heard one word from her.  Not a text, facebook message, call...nothing.  In fact, the day after his funeral, she started posting a message every single day about their baby.  Eventually, after being so hurt by her, I blocked her messages from showing on my news feed.  Although curiosity still gets the best of me, I look at her page.  The real kicker was last night.  Her husband posted a picture of their nursery and they chose the same theme as us, in a different color scheme.  Yes, I understand lots of people pick a safari theme, and we picked this theme because we did not know the sex of Killian until the day he was born.  They chose to find out (another stab to the heart for us is they are also having a boy).  I can not for the life of me figure out how someone can do that to someone they care about.  I forgot to mention that she originally told me that they were doing turtles/water theme  I am boiling inside and trying to figure out how to address it with them.  It is hard enough to process an empty nursery here at home but seeing that someone we were supposed to be close to choose the same theme after ignoring us since Killian's passing has been too much to handle.

Any thoughts of how to handle this?

Re: beyond frustrated...

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I have people in my life who I thought would always be there for me, and they've been the most insensitive. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I've basically been ignoring everyone that hasn't been supportive of me and DH. I deactivated my facebook, and I think kind of checking out of reality for a while has helped me. I get why you're upset and you have every right to be...but with everything you have to deal with after losing your son I just don't think you should have to deal with confronting a 'friend'. The way I've handled  this type of person in my life is by basically cutting them out. Obviously they're not concerned with my I'm not gonna bother with them. The most important thing for you to do is to take care of whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better..then do it. If that's cutting these people out of your it. If it's confronting them..then that's what you have to do. You have to do whatever is best for you right now.

    Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
    I love you always, my beautiful girl.

    Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus

    || <a href="" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation TrackeMy Ovulation Chart

    BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.

    6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!

    10/30/13-He's here!! Happy Birthday, Ryan! We love you so much! xo

    Lilypie - (Bfmg)


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