Hi everybody - can I join over here?

anitaflora

I guess I haven't been a true regular for really very long.  But since my after my second loss in June I have felt more comfortable being on TTCAL instead of TTGP.  I took a bit of a bump break for a while for a number of reasons but am back. 

I just posted on the TTC over 35 board today.  And I was trying to explain how I feel like I'm not sure where I fit best. I have always felt like I fit best on the TTCAL board, but I know that the fact that I already have a little one can be a sensitive issue and I also like connecting with other women who already have a little blessing.  So I introed over on Secondary IF a while ago.  And then I'm also over 35, approaching 40, so I feel like well I should probably be over there because all these younger ladies probably don't feel like they have much in common since I'm advanced maternal age.  And again, for me it's nice to be able to connect with some other ladies that share that aspect.

And so now there's also the fact that I have now been trying after a loss for more than six months.  Even though my first loss in February was a chemical pregnancy and I never had a doctor officially run tests that time, I still consider it my first true loss.  Since I was so naive then to think that everything would be smooth sailing no problems just like my first. 

So I know this was a lengthy intro, but I guess that's my intro.  The fact that I've been trying so long after repeated losses is another aspect to the whole picture to me, so I feel like I also need to connect with others that share that part of the journey too.

So I hope you'll have me even though I've been a little sporadic in the past.  I try to give as much support as I can to others.  I hope I can be a good member of this community too.  And I hope it's okay if I post here sometimes and then on some of the other boards some times.

You are just all awesome ladies I would like to get to know better and I wish you all to get sticky beans soon soon soon!

hungryhippo

Most of the ladies here were consistent posters on TTCAL for a least six consecutive months before coming over here. Posting there is the best way for us to get to know you. Given what you said in your intro, I'm not sure folks here will know you well yet. I guess my suggestion is to keep posting on the main board and if you are still there in a few months, come back over here.

It's tough to find a board that fits best, especially when there are multiple board descriptions that seem to fit.

My advice is not to look for a single home board. Post on all of them and then look for individuals you connect with. Reach out to them and start forming relationships that way. You'll soon feel that you fit somewhere.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope your next pregnancy comes soon and is your take home baby. Hugs.

anitaflora

I guess I misunderstood then. The TTCAL blog says that the board is for those who have been TTCAL for more than six months. I didn't think it was a prerequisite that you had been posting on the TTCAL board for at least six consecutive months. Just that you had been trying for at least six months following your first loss. Thanks for your suggestion I suggest clarifying the blog post. I'll definitely look for connections elsewhere. Thanks again.

anitaflora

I guess I need to post another reply here because there's something else that just is not letting up on my mind. 

Your comment that I'll soon feel I fit somewhere. 

I've been posting on the bump for a good while now. I explained all that in my original post. TTGP was fine when I hadn't experienced any losses. It even was okay sort of when my first loss was a chemical pregnancy. But after that it is just not a comfortable place for me anymore. I can only handle so many frankly dumb questions and the same ones over and over. And it is a completely different experience once you've gone through a loss. Or four. 

I wish there was an RPL board but there's not. So now I'm trying to figure out what feels like the right fit. 

I thought TTCAL was the right place for me. And I certainly feel like I have started some basis of friendships with some of the posters. But the more I lurk over here and the more I'm thinking about it now, maybe the other facts of my situation do NOT make me a good fit. Not because I'm uncomfortable but because the fact that I already have a child and the fact that I have not in the past had trouble getting a BFP makes it such my presence is hurtful to other people. Even though that's something I obviously can't help. And even though over my time on TTCAL I have strived to try to offer more support than I've  been given.  But I've been given a tremendous amount of support there which I have greatly appreciated so that's hard to do. 

Because I understand how both of those things could be hurtful. Or the fact that I'm over there on TTCAL and then quickly got a BFP. 

So then I moved to PGAL and then I left PGAL. A couple times. 

I know this is turning into rambling but your comment that I would quickly find a place I feel comfortable is just not true and it's made me think a lot and just feel the need to reply to it in full. 

I am both over 35 and going through secondary IF. But since I have not chosen to go through any treatments as probably 99 percent of the ladies over there have I don't feel like I can relate to that either.  

It seems like unless I'm getting repeated BFNs or am choosing to do some type of medical intervention I don't really fit anywhere at all. 

Unless it would be just constantly going back and forth between PGAL and the miscarriage/loss board. Fun. 

I guess now that I'm going to get testing done that could help me fit in because at least I will have done that. At least then I might be able to add some other aspect of my journey that might make me fit my currently square self into a rounder hole so to speak. And if I do decide to go the route of some medical intervention at least I'll be able to share that. That might make me less square. 

But for now, no, I'm not feeling like I really fit in anywhere at all even though I have been a fairly active poster on several boards.  I have a pretty busy life so it's hard to find time to catch up on everyone's posts about everything. But I do try. And again between the fact that I have been back and forth with pregnancy and losses so many times in such a short period and the fact that I usually bump from my phone and HATE hate hate the mobile format I guess I don't qualify as a regular poster anywhere yet.  

But given all these facts and taking into account your honest answer, which I really do appreciate and respect, I'm not sure I belong anywhere at all. And maybe the struggle of trying to find that place where I feel like I fit in is just making the whole bump experience more stressful than positive. I think I need to seriously give that some thought. Maybe I just need to wait until one thing or another unfolds to make me less square. 

I truly am thankful for your reply.  And wish everyone all the best.  

anitaflora

Thanks car, I appreciate your reply.

Just to clarify a couple things, I did see the part about being an active poster but I guess that's just the subjective part. I don't mean any of this is any kind of snarky way, but I was thinking about my time overall on TTCAL not just most recently. But my participation on the board overall had been sporadic because of what I mentioned regarding changes in pregnant vs trying as well as the mobile issues. But of course I see how I'm not as active and haven't been here as long as others due to both of these reasons. Now that I will be going through testing and waiting to TTC again I will probably be on a little more. Anyway just wanted to clarify that.

As for my comment about

And even though over my time on TTCAL I have strived to try to offer more support than I've been given.

I just meant that as a member of the community I do honestly try to be not just an equally supportive person but want to try to give more than I get. I was just trying to point out that I do conduct myself in that way and hope that I am helpful to people.

So re

Have people been unsupportive of you? 

No the complete opposite was what I meant.

katharine25

I understand that you say yor finding a hard time fitting in on TTCAL, but to me that says you think TTCAL is all about women who have 1mc then move on. It's really not. I think the majority of the women active on TTCAL are actually those who have had multiple losses or trouble after loss or both. And if it's not the majority, it's certainly the more vocal group ::insert winky face::: and frankly it's just a more active board and most of us still post there too. It hurts my heart to hear that you're not finding the support you need there, because it's such an incredibly supportive place.

What makes 6plus the special part, the having been active on ttcal for 6 moths already. When women intro on here it's kind of like there no real need for an introduction because the group already knows you well from TTCAL. Does that make sense?

I personally waited almost a year before I introed here, because one day I realized "hey hey, this is where all my friends are, and I want to support them here too".

anitaflora

...but to me that says you think TTCAL is all about women who have 1mc then move on.

No, I don't think that AT ALL. I didn't say that. What I said was that after thinking about it, it might not be a good place for me since I have a child already and haven't had trouble getting a BFP.

It hurts my heart to hear that you're not finding the support you need there, because it's such an incredibly supportive place.

I also didn't say that I said the opposite. That the people have been so supportive that even though I try to offer more support than I receive that would be hard to do because the ladies on the board have been so supportive.

What makes 6plus the special part, the having been active on ttcal for 6 moths already.

Again, my misunderstanding that I apologize for. But the part that I got wrong is what people on this board define as active. It doesn't say you should be actively posting on TTCAL for six months. It says you should be an active member of the board and have been TTCAL for six plus months. I genuinely thought that was me but I have obviously learned that I have not been active enough to be welcomed here. I'm not bitter about any of this but I can't sit back and agree on these points.

Thanks for replying and helping me to learn more about this board.

katharine25

anitaflora:

. Again, my misunderstanding that I apologize for. But the part that I got wrong is what people on this board define as active. It doesn't say you should be actively posting on TTCAL for six months. It says you should be an active member of the board and have been TTCAL for six plus months. I genuinely thought that was me but I have obviously learned that I have not been active enough to be welcomed here. I'm not bitter about any of this but I can't sit back and agree on these points. Thanks for replying and helping me to learn more about this board.

 

I can see where you might not quite understand the wording, it could be worded a bit clearer, but that is what it means. Again, it's really more about bonds formed and made on TTCAL.  The IF Vets have it better worded on their board header, but it's my understanding they actually took the concept from TTCAL 6+.  It probably would be a good idea to try and get the heading restated so it's a bit clearer, this has been happening quite a bit lately.  I hate seeing people's feelings hurt (on both sides) over this issue. 

hungryhippo

I only have a couple of minutes and then I have to run, but I see your responses here and will reply when I get a chance. I'm sorry my reply stuck on your mind like that. Retreading my post, I can see where I could have worded things differently.

anitaflora

katharine25:

anitaflora:

.

Again, my misunderstanding that I apologize for. But the part that I got wrong is what people on this board define as active. It doesn't say you should be actively posting on TTCAL for six months. It says you should be an active member of the board and have been TTCAL for six plus months. I genuinely thought that was me but I have obviously learned that I have not been active enough to be welcomed here. I'm not bitter about any of this but I can't sit back and agree on these points.

Thanks for replying and helping me to learn more about this board.

 

I can see where you might not quite understand the wording, it could be worded a bit clearer, but that is what it means. Again, it's really more about bonds formed and made on TTCAL.  The IF Vets have it better worded on their board header, but it's my understanding they actually took the concept from TTCAL 6+.  It probably would be a good idea to try and get the heading restated so it's a bit clearer, this has been happening quite a bit lately.  I hate seeing people's feelings hurt (on both sides) over this issue. 

Thanks so much. I really appreciate you're understanding what I meant and replying. I didn't mean to cause any negativity here.

anitaflora

Thank you so much jenek. I really really appreciate your reply. I will definitely think about participating in the multiple loss check in. I did notice it and thought that might be a good place to make some good connections.

And I really appreciate all you said and look forward to getting to know you too.

Thanks again.

hungryhippo

anitaflora:

I guess I need to post another reply here because there's something else that just is not letting up on my mind.  Your comment that I'll soon feel I fit somewhere.  I've been posting on the bump for a good while now. I explained all that in my original post. TTGP was fine when I hadn't experienced any losses. It even was okay sort of when my first loss was a chemical pregnancy. But after that it is just not a comfortable place for me anymore. I can only handle so many frankly dumb questions and the same ones over and over. And it is a completely different experience once you've gone through a loss. Or four.  I wish there was an RPL board but there's not. So now I'm trying to figure out what feels like the right fit.  I thought TTCAL was the right place for me. And I certainly feel like I have started some basis of friendships with some of the posters. But the more I lurk over here and the more I'm thinking about it now, maybe the other facts of my situation do NOT make me a good fit. Not because I'm uncomfortable but because the fact that I already have a child and the fact that I have not in the past had trouble getting a BFP makes it such my presence is hurtful to other people. Even though that's something I obviously can't help. And even though over my time on TTCAL I have strived to try to offer more support than I've  been given.  But I've been given a tremendous amount of support there which I have greatly appreciated so that's hard to do.  Because I understand how both of those things could be hurtful. Or the fact that I'm over there on TTCAL and then quickly got a BFP.  So then I moved to PGAL and then I left PGAL. A couple times.  I know this is turning into rambling but your comment that I would quickly find a place I feel comfortable is just not true and it's made me think a lot and just feel the need to reply to it in full.  I am both over 35 and going through secondary IF. But since I have not chosen to go through any treatments as probably 99 percent of the ladies over there have I don't feel like I can relate to that either.   It seems like unless I'm getting repeated BFNs or am choosing to do some type of medical intervention I don't really fit anywhere at all.  Unless it would be just constantly going back and forth between PGAL and the miscarriage/loss board. Fun.  I guess now that I'm going to get testing done that could help me fit in because at least I will have done that. At least then I might be able to add some other aspect of my journey that might make me fit my currently square self into a rounder hole so to speak. And if I do decide to go the route of some medical intervention at least I'll be able to share that. That might make me less square.  But for now, no, I'm not feeling like I really fit in anywhere at all even though I have been a fairly active poster on several boards.  I have a pretty busy life so it's hard to find time to catch up on everyone's posts about everything. But I do try. And again between the fact that I have been back and forth with pregnancy and losses so many times in such a short period and the fact that I usually bump from my phone and HATE hate hate the mobile format I guess I don't qualify as a regular poster anywhere yet.   But given all these facts and taking into account your honest answer, which I really do appreciate and respect, I'm not sure I belong anywhere at all. And maybe the struggle of trying to find that place where I feel like I fit in is just making the whole bump experience more stressful than positive. I think I need to seriously give that some thought. Maybe I just need to wait until one thing or another unfolds to make me less square.  I truly am thankful for your reply.  And wish everyone all the best.

Jenek actually said a lot of what I was going to say in terms of the multiple loss check in and the fact that a lot of TTCALers do have at least one living child already. Many of them don't post about their children often, so it probably seems like there aren't many, but there are. Women with children are completely welcome, they are just asked not to put photos of their cuter-than-anything LOs in their signatures in order to minimize pain for someone going through a particularly rough day. 

I also wanted to add that there are lots of posters who aren't going through treatments and who get their next BFP with just a cycle or two of trying. In fact, I'd say more than half of the posters who intro on TTCAL end up leaving in a month or two with a BFP. Luckily, most of those ladies don't have to come back. I'm so, so sorry that you did have to. I did too, and it SUCKS.

But, those posters are harder to "see", because they move on quickly and don't have as much time to get to know people. So it ends up looking like TTCAL is full of people undergoing treatments or struggling to get a BFP. These are the folks that possibly have more to post about (ie treatment updates) OR who have gotten to know more and more people OR have to wait around longer and therefore get more involved in conversational posts OR develop more and more TTCAL experience (charting, OPKs, observing people get BFPs and moving on quickly) so they have more to say.

I only say that to point out why it may seem to you like you don't fit in to TTCAL, but why it is clear to me that you absolutely do/will, if you want to. From my observations, it takes about 2 to 3 full cycles for individuals to find their place, make their relationships, and get more comfortable with TTCAL as their home board. I guess those 2 to 3 cycles is what I meant by "quickly".

I also want to apologize for using the word "consecutive" in my original response. I didn't mean to say that if you go to PGAL and have to come back that it makes you less eligible to be here on 6+. Again, I've been there and I know how awful it is. What I should have said is that most of the 6+ers post or lurk enough on TTCAL that by the time someone makes an intro on 6+ we expect to know them pretty well. When someone makes an intro here and many hours go by before anyone responds, that's usually an indication that the 6+ers possibly don't feel like they know OP well. That was happening with your intro post, and I felt you were owed an explanation so I replied.

I hope that all makes sense. I look forward to continuing to get to know you... with any luck that will be on PGAL instead of here. 

anitaflora

hungryhippo:

Jenek actually said a lot of what I was going to say in terms of the multiple loss check in and the fact that a lot of TTCALers do have at least one living child already. Many of them don't post about their children often, so it probably seems like there aren't many, but there are. Women with children are completely welcome, they are just asked not to put photos of their cuter-than-anything LOs in their signatures in order to minimize pain for someone going through a particularly rough day. 

I also wanted to add that there are lots of posters who aren't going through treatments and who get their next BFP with just a cycle or two of trying. In fact, I'd say more than half of the posters who intro on TTCAL end up leaving in a month or two with a BFP. Luckily, most of those ladies don't have to come back. I'm so, so sorry that you did have to. I did too, and it SUCKS.

But, those posters are harder to "see", because they move on quickly and don't have as much time to get to know people. So it ends up looking like TTCAL is full of people undergoing treatments or struggling to get a BFP. These are the folks that possibly have more to post about (ie treatment updates) OR who have gotten to know more and more people OR have to wait around longer and therefore get more involved in conversational posts OR develop more and more TTCAL experience (charting, OPKs, observing people get BFPs and moving on quickly) so they have more to say.

I only say that to point out why it may seem to you like you don't fit in to TTCAL, but why it is clear to me that you absolutely do/will, if you want to. From my observations, it takes about 2 to 3 full cycles for individuals to find their place, make their relationships, and get more comfortable with TTCAL as their home board. I guess those 2 to 3 cycles is what I meant by "quickly".

I also want to apologize for using the word "consecutive" in my original response. I didn't mean to say that if you go to PGAL and have to come back that it makes you less eligible to be here on 6+. Again, I've been there and I know how awful it is. What I should have said is that most of the 6+ers post or lurk enough on TTCAL that by the time someone makes an intro on 6+ we expect to know them pretty well. When someone makes an intro here and many hours go by before anyone responds, that's usually an indication that the 6+ers possibly don't feel like they know OP well. That was happening with your intro post, and I felt you were owed an explanation so I replied.

I hope that all makes sense. I look forward to continuing to get to know you... with any luck that will be on PGAL instead of here. 

It all makes sense but I guess I still feel slightly misunderstood.

I guess I should clarify my remark about people who move on quickly from TTCAL because they got a BFP.  In lurking on the board I noticed a post from someone about how hurtful and upsetting that is to them.  Completely understandable. I don't have any objection to that or take issue with that. But as I said originally, it got me thinking that maybe I'm not a good fit if I am in the boat of getting a BFP quickly (twice) and then moving on from TTCAL to PGAL.  I don't want to be a hurtful member of the board!

And yes, precisely what happened to me is why I haven't stuck around consecutively for very long. Which is what you spoke to earlier. So it makes it that I've been more of a sporadic poster on TTCAL. And that's why I guess people don't feel like they know me.   

But the bottom line is I truly didn't come and intro on here thinking I didn't already know some of the people on this board to some extent.  There are people I recognize from being on here earlier (I looked back and have actually been posting on the board since June even though I've had breaks like I said). So I just thought those people would recognize me too. But I guess I didn't realize I may have lurked more than posted so maybe they didn't. 

Because what I'm getting at is yes, I totaly agree. No one replied with any "welcome" to me after a few hours, so obviously I'm not a good fit to be on this board. But I didn't feel like I needed an explanation about why.  I understand and appreciate that you may have felt that I deserved an explanation, but just to clarify I did not feel that way. I just accepted it, admittedly a little sad that some people that I thought would recognize me from before and welcome me didn't, but fine. Again, not bitter about it, just slightly sad and I didn't feel like I needed an explanation as to why.   

I should have lurked on the 6+ month board more to learn more about the culture of it.  Again, my mistake and I apologize.

I genuinely appreciate your taking the time to reply and again never meant to cause any negitivity on this board.

Since I'm going to be TTA for at least two cycles upcoming, since I just had my D & C today (fun on top of all of this), I imagine I will be around for a while. So hopefully I can form some connections with people who want to form connections with me.

Thanks again to all of you for being a great group of strong ladies with such a strong community here. I hope that all of you get to leave it soon but always keep the friendships you've formed for many years to come. Community is so important to feeling accepted and feeling a sense of identity.  And it really seems like you have a good one.  So again, I just wish you all the best.  And since I can't control tone in writing very well, please know that's not snark, that's from the heart truly what I mean. 

luvmyducks

(siggy warning)

 

I can update the blog to be more clear for future reference to other posters.

Also, I know some posters who don't have a problem getting BFPs but habitually m/c usually don't post on PgAL until they have a couple betas drawn--sometimes even until they have a good u/s and see a hb.  They also don't put info in their siggy or talk about it on TTCAL so they aren't hurtful and also so they don't have to go through posting an intro on PgAL and then quickly posting a bad announcement.  You of course can do whatever you feel comfortable with (but I'm sure you read about not posting a BFP on TTCAL unless you are a very active member of the board), it's just a suggestion of a way to stay active on TTCAL and not being hurtful or bouncing back and forth.

I'm sorry for your losses and really hope you get your sticky take home baby soon. 

anitaflora

Thanks so much.

Good to know regarding how to best not be hurtful. I never posted about my BFPs on TTCAL either time because I knew that would be in poor tasfe. I didn't post on there at all when I thought I had a viable pregnancy.

I did post on PGAL early because I felt I needed to connect with others experiencing that even though it was early for me. I would probably do so again since the first few weeks is one of the hardest parts of the whole journey. But I hope if I do so no one thinks of that as bad etiquette.

Thanks again.

hungryhippo

anitaflora:

hungryhippo:

Jenek actually said a lot of what I was going to say in terms of the multiple loss check in and the fact that a lot of TTCALers do have at least one living child already. Many of them don't post about their children often, so it probably seems like there aren't many, but there are. Women with children are completely welcome, they are just asked not to put photos of their cuter-than-anything LOs in their signatures in order to minimize pain for someone going through a particularly rough day. 

I also wanted to add that there are lots of posters who aren't going through treatments and who get their next BFP with just a cycle or two of trying. In fact, I'd say more than half of the posters who intro on TTCAL end up leaving in a month or two with a BFP. Luckily, most of those ladies don't have to come back. I'm so, so sorry that you did have to. I did too, and it SUCKS.

But, those posters are harder to "see", because they move on quickly and don't have as much time to get to know people. So it ends up looking like TTCAL is full of people undergoing treatments or struggling to get a BFP. These are the folks that possibly have more to post about (ie treatment updates) OR who have gotten to know more and more people OR have to wait around longer and therefore get more involved in conversational posts OR develop more and more TTCAL experience (charting, OPKs, observing people get BFPs and moving on quickly) so they have more to say.

I only say that to point out why it may seem to you like you don't fit in to TTCAL, but why it is clear to me that you absolutely do/will, if you want to. From my observations, it takes about 2 to 3 full cycles for individuals to find their place, make their relationships, and get more comfortable with TTCAL as their home board. I guess those 2 to 3 cycles is what I meant by "quickly".

I also want to apologize for using the word "consecutive" in my original response. I didn't mean to say that if you go to PGAL and have to come back that it makes you less eligible to be here on 6+. Again, I've been there and I know how awful it is. What I should have said is that most of the 6+ers post or lurk enough on TTCAL that by the time someone makes an intro on 6+ we expect to know them pretty well. When someone makes an intro here and many hours go by before anyone responds, that's usually an indication that the 6+ers possibly don't feel like they know OP well. That was happening with your intro post, and I felt you were owed an explanation so I replied.

I hope that all makes sense. I look forward to continuing to get to know you... with any luck that will be on PGAL instead of here. 

It all makes sense but I guess I still feel slightly misunderstood.

I guess I should clarify my remark about people who move on quickly from TTCAL because they got a BFP.  In lurking on the board I noticed a post from someone about how hurtful and upsetting that is to them.  Completely understandable. I don't have any objection to that or take issue with that. But as I said originally, it got me thinking that maybe I'm not a good fit if I am in the boat of getting a BFP quickly (twice) and then moving on from TTCAL to PGAL.  I don't want to be a hurtful member of the board!

And yes, precisely what happened to me is why I haven't stuck around consecutively for very long. Which is what you spoke to earlier. So it makes it that I've been more of a sporadic poster on TTCAL. And that's why I guess people don't feel like they know me.   

But the bottom line is I truly didn't come and intro on here thinking I didn't already know some of the people on this board to some extent.  There are people I recognize from being on here earlier (I looked back and have actually been posting on the board since June even though I've had breaks like I said). So I just thought those people would recognize me too. But I guess I didn't realize I may have lurked more than posted so maybe they didn't. 

Because what I'm getting at is yes, I totaly agree. No one replied with any "welcome" to me after a few hours, so obviously I'm not a good fit to be on this board. But I didn't feel like I needed an explanation about why.  I understand and appreciate that you may have felt that I deserved an explanation, but just to clarify I did not feel that way. I just accepted it, admittedly a little sad that some people that I thought would recognize me from before and welcome me didn't, but fine. Again, not bitter about it, just slightly sad and I didn't feel like I needed an explanation as to why.   

I should have lurked on the 6+ month board more to learn more about the culture of it.  Again, my mistake and I apologize.

I genuinely appreciate your taking the time to reply and again never meant to cause any negitivity on this board.

Since I'm going to be TTA for at least two cycles upcoming, since I just had my D & C today (fun on top of all of this), I imagine I will be around for a while. So hopefully I can form some connections with people who want to form connections with me.

Thanks again to all of you for being a great group of strong ladies with such a strong community here. I hope that all of you get to leave it soon but always keep the friendships you've formed for many years to come. Community is so important to feeling accepted and feeling a sense of identity.  And it really seems like you have a good one.  So again, I just wish you all the best.  And since I can't control tone in writing very well, please know that's not snark, that's from the heart truly what I mean. 

 

Shoot, I'm so sorry I chimed in then. I sense that you understand my intentions were good. I'm really sorry if by replying I made this harder on you. 

Also, you should have a PM from me in about 2 minutes. 

anitaflora

HH, I know I replied to this in the PM I sent you, but just wanted to say here too, I absolutely know you intentions were good and I really, really appreciate your thoughtfulness in replying.  I know you didn't mean anything negative or hurtful.  I just am so stupidly stubborn about wanting to make sure I'm not misunderstood.  I don't know why, it's really quite a bad fault I should get over and change about myself and just let things go and move on.  But anyway, yes, I definitely know your intentions were good and I am truly grateful for that.

And to all, I'm sorry again if I caused any negitivity on the board - I didn't mean to and I think the revised blog wording is great.  Thanks so much