Am I a failure as a mom? — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

Am I a failure as a mom?

Just left my little man with my mom for a few hours so that I can take a break and relax........ I feel like a horrible mother and like a failure bc part of me is really happy to not have to take care of him.......

I just feel like I can't handle it. It is all too much and I keep hysterically sobbing bc I don't know what to do. Like he seems to spit up a lot and I feel like I have to wear a poncho to feed him and I just can't handle it any more. Every time he spits up I feel so overwhelmed by it and start crying. 

Is this a normal way to feel???

 

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Re: Am I a failure as a mom?

  • I am going through the same thing.  Yesterday, I put my LO down for a nap in her crib and realized I forgot about her.  I was so engrossed withe the thought of "thank god she is sleeping so I can get some peace" that I wiped her totally about of my mind.  I feel the same way.  When I am not around her, I find myself not thinking about her and happy that I don't have to be bothered with all the troubles that do along with taking care of her.  She too is an excessive spit uper and the formula has ruined nearly every item of my clothing as well as hers.  Then she has reflux and is on meds that aren't working.  Then there is severe gas on top of all of that. Nothing helps to relieve the gas, spitting up, and reflux and she just screams all day long.  On the off chance that I can get to sleep she wakes up 10 minutes later wide awake and crying.  God forbid I try to take her anywhere.  She screams bloddy murder when I put her in it. 

    The worst part is someone asked me if I could imaging my life without her and I said yes I can.  Talk about feeling like a failure.  I can't wait to go back to work yet I dread that her problems are going to cause my mother to tell me she can't take of her and I will be forced in to a situation of figuring out how to afford daycare, which I can not. 

    Are you dealing with PPD?  Are you on meds?  Have you thought about talking to your doctor or a professional therapist?  I don't think you are a failure, we just  need to find ways to cope besides making ourselved feel guilty. 

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  • 1) You are not, absolutely not, a failure as a mom. You are not a horrible mother for taking time off and putting your baby in a safe place with a caring person while you get MUCH NEEDED time away. You are a GOOD MOM for knowing when you need time off and arranging it responsibly. Feel free to feel flipping ecstatic at having arms free and responsibility removed for a few hours. You deserve it. Being a mom is super hard.

    2) No, it is not normal to feel like you can't handle it and it is all too much all of the time, to be hysterically sobbing and to always feel overwhelmed. Feeling these things occasionally in the first weeks is normal, but feeling them all the time is not. That does not mean that you are bad or wrong or have failed. It means that you are having hormonal/brain chemistry issues and you need to talk to your health care professional to help you through this time and get your brain on the right keel. You are not at fault for how you feel any more than you would be at fault for having the flu. And just like you would do if you had the flu, you should go to the doctor and get help for this. 

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  • imagefootnotegirl:

    1) You are not, absolutely not, a failure as a mom. You are not a horrible mother for taking time off and putting your baby in a safe place with a caring person while you get MUCH NEEDED time away. You are a GOOD MOM for knowing when you need time off and arranging it responsibly. Feel free to feel flipping ecstatic at having arms free and responsibility removed for a few hours. You deserve it. Being a mom is super hard.

    2) No, it is not normal to feel like you can't handle it and it is all too much all of the time, to be hysterically sobbing and to always feel overwhelmed. Feeling these things occasionally in the first weeks is normal, but feeling them all the time is not. That does not mean that you are bad or wrong or have failed. It means that you are having hormonal/brain chemistry issues and you need to talk to your health care professional to help you through this time and get your brain on the right keel. You are not at fault for how you feel any more than you would be at fault for having the flu. And just like you would do if you had the flu, you should go to the doctor and get help for this. 

    Beautifully & honestly said. 

    Trust your gut on this one. You reached out to the PPD board for a reason... it is not shameful or wrong at all to seek treatment, as footnote said, it's like having the flu and there's nothing bad about treating it.

    I applaud you for knowing when you need a break. That is a hard thing to admit. And I also am glad that you are being real about your feelings. You are a wonderful mother for those reasons, and it takes a strong person to do that. 

    Go see your doctor. And hopefully things will be worked out soon. GL & feel better *hugs*

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  • Thank you everyone so much!!!

    I actually just went back onto my depression/anxiety medication. I had gone off of it because I wanted to breastfeed and the Welbutrin XL was not safe for that. And I thought I would be able to handle everything without it. Obviously I was wrong!! Haha. But I stopped breastfeeding and am back on my meds. I just finished the low dosage first 7 days they make you do and am now on the full dosage. So I am praying that it will kick in soon! I know that it wont solve all the feelings I am having but I really hope that it will at least help to ease the feelings.

    Since I do already suffer from depression and anxiety I knew I would be at a higher risk for PPD. Hopefully all of the steps that I am taking will help to better myself so that I can be a better mommy to my LO.

    Thank you again everyone! It helps a great deal to know that others are there.

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  • I had flashbacks reading your post.  I remember even getting physical symptoms where I felt like my skin crawled.  I'm so proud of you for recognizing your symptoms and making the choice to stop the bf'ing so you can make yourself better.  More than breastfeeding your child needs you...the true you that sometimes needs a little help.  

    Thinking of you! 

  • This post reminded me of a day where my daughter was screaming non-stop. I called one of my best friends who I knew she was in college class when I called. I felt bad when she answered. All I told her was, "I need you here." She left class to come and she put my DD in her carseat and took her for a car ride till she fell asleep. 

    When she returned I told her that I was so close in feeling like I could have hurt my daughter that I set her in her crib and let her cry when I called her. I could never hurt my daughter but I thought I was to the point that it could have happened. My best friend held me while I cried that day.

    I felt like a horrible mom. I felt like I was a complete failure because I couldn't stop my daughter from crying for five hours straight. My stress was bothering the baby and I am just greatful that my best friend came. 

    Now, I know that I was not a failure or a horrible mom to call someone for help. I actually was a good mom because i knew my limit.  

    Mom of 3 (Ginny 4 yrs old), (Miles 2 yrs old), and (Mason due June 15th) 
  • I don't think you're a failure at all, and I think you did a WONDERFUL thing to recognize you're overwhelmed and to ask someone else to take your son for a while.  You need to take care of your baby's mommy. 
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