2WW Check-in 12/11

nawlinsgrl

I've got a long (sorry) interesting update for you ladies.  Since I had to take care of DD immediately after testing, and then go straight to work, I've had some time to calm down about everything and even find some humor in it as I describe it to you.

So, let's start off with my new term: I am in pre-beta hell!  Allow me to explain.  So, I went to the bathroom to get my sample, and when I wiped, there was a ton of brown, I guess it was blood.  I am talking several wipes, and very dark, to the point that (TMI), I had to question if I was wiping the right area!   There was a tiny bit of red at the very end of it.  So, you can imagine how I was feeling at this point.  I'm like that's it, it's over.

But, being the type of person to need all available evidence, I pulled out a cheapie and a FRER.  Oh, I should mention I did test twice yesterday evening, a couple hours apart, on a cheapie.  I thought I saw the faintest bit of a second line the first time, but nothing the second time, and I am honestly not even sure about the first one.

Anyway, so the cheapie stays white, so I go with the FRER.  Here's where pre-beta hell comes into play.  At 3 minutes, nothing, stark white.  However, when I take one more look at 7 minutes, there is a definite faint line.  I mean no question, it's there.  I looked at the cheapie again after what had to have been a good 10 minutes at this point, since I did that test first, and I thought I saw a "blink and you'll miss it" incredibly faint line there too.

So, here's my quandry, what the hell does this mean?  When are the results not accurate?  FRER says it should show up in 3 minutes, and it definitely did not do that, but I did see lines on both eventually, and with the FRER, it was definitely well under 10 minutes (looked at the clock on my phone each time, so it was 7 "minutes," could have been closer to 8 depending on when those minutes started/ended.

I did go to the bathroom as soon as I got to work and there was no more blood/discharge, just the remnants of my estrogen pill, which I take vaginally.  I know nobody has any more answers than I do, and I am not looking for a "woohoo you're totally pregnant" answer here, just sharing my utter confusion of the situation.

One more funny note, not that it was so funny at the time.  I was so distracted by my BFNs (at the time I did this) that I got distracted and accidentally gave myself the progesterone shot with the big draw needle instead of the smaller one.  It hurt like a mother going it, but I just chalked it up to that area being sore in general by now, and didn't realize what I had done until I went to cap the needle and saw the other one sitting right there!

Okay, sorry to incredibly long, but as you can imagine, I needed to get this all out, since I don't want to tell DH and freak him out, I don't think he'll understand and might worry more than I will.

The other thing I keep thinking about this morning, as a result, is my new tag line for today.  You know the band They Might Be Giants (please tell me I'm not so much older than you guys that you don't know them)?  Well, today, I feel like I might be pregnant.  

kimberm0511

Oh gosh I hope this is it for you!  The brownish blood would scare me, but hopefully it means nothing and you are well on your way to a BFP!  Your beta is tomorrow, right?

 So...here's my interesting update.  Last night when my dh was on his way home from work I asked him to stop by the store and get some FRERs.  I told him to make sure he gets the 3 pack so I can have one every day until Friday.  He shows up with the right tests, but also with a box of the Wal-Mart equate brand (blue dye) and says that I am going to POAS right then!  I moan and groan about how those are cheap and blue dye supposedly gives false positives (I have no experience..I've always used FRER and digitals).  Obviously, he doesn't have to twist my arm and I run to POAS.  As we stare at it for 2 minutes a very faint blue line appears.  OMG!  bfp?  false positive?  We both grab our phones, of course, and start reading about this brand.  TERRIBLE reviews.  Lots and lots of false positives.  Let's just say I was a nervous wreck all night and kept waking up wanting to POAS, but knew to wait until the morning.  As soon as DH's alarm went off, I ran to POAS and used a FRER.  BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A little faint, but not too much.  OMG!  My stomach is in knots.  I'm terrified something will go wrong and my beta isn't until Friday!  It's going to be a loooooong week and lots of POASing 

nawlinsgrl

So happy for you, that's awesome.  After hearing all your reports this cycle, I kind of figured you were a given for BFP.  Kind of crazy that even when we see that second line it almost makes us crazier than when it's not there!

I can't believe you had the self-control not to use the FRER last night.  I know if I was in your situation, I never could have waited.  It was hard enough waiting to use it today, and that was only because of the second cheapie test being stark white last night.

One lesson learned this time is that if there is another cycle, I will spend a little more to get Wondfo, instead of whatever I've been using.  I am pretty sure I used them last year, and I got my BFP at 10dpo with them, unlike the crap I've been dealing with this time. It definitely wasn't worth however (little) much I saved on this other brand!

ETA: Yes, beta is tomorrow, which is the ONLY reason I'm not incredibly stressed out right now.  Ha ha!

jeannaqueena

BFN. I had a big cry fest already.  This was when we found out with DS.  I am heartbroken. I really don't have much more hope, but of course I will continue to test until i see red or beta.  I might cancel the beta; there is no way I am going to drive an hour for b/w and then an hour home and pay OOP; just for a nurse to say BFN.  

I pretty much knew this whole time that I was the bottom of the pack with my horrible numbers, but a girl still hopes.

 

nawlinsgrl

Oh Jeanna, I am so so sorry.  I wish I could say something to make you feel better. 

Since I said in the other post I don't want to be blowing sunshine and rainbows where the sun don't shine, I'll try to look at this rationally with you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I would still give it one more day.  I was doing a LOT of reading after yesterday's BFN, and it really does look like BFPs start showing up later than today on a regular basis.  I think tomorrow would be my freak-out day, not today, although, admittedly,  I wouldn't be happy today with a BFN.

Regarding beta, are there any alternatives to driving that far?  Since you are OOP, can you get your RE to call in the order to a local lab?

I will be keeping fingers and toes crossed that you just get a late BFP tomorrow.  If it still doesn't show, I'll hunt down your IF and give it a swift kick in the balls (because IF has to be male, right?) for you!

Sending all the hugs and comforting vibes I can summon your way! 

kimberm0511

  I'm so sorry Jeanna.  I really hope you get a BFP tomorrow.  I hate this.  I hate this for all of us.  I'll keep praying for you.  I also agree with Nawlins...can't you go into a lab closer?  It just seems to make more sense.  My RE makes me go in for a beta even when I know it's going to be negative or else he won't start another month of treatment until I do. 

jeannaqueena

Kimber and nawlins first off I just realized in my pity party i never said congrats! Of course I am thrilled for y'all!!

Yes, I have a call into the nurse to see if I can just go to the local lab. I wish beta was tomorrow and I knew it was over and could just move forward and stop taking these prog. And save them for the next cycle and know when we can cycle again. Really I shouldnt be so upset I knew my numbers weren't good.

Sorry I am not around as much I am taking a step back from the Internet as dr google/fb isn't helping tho you ladies are wonderful. I am sending positive vibes for great betas!!

nawlinsgrl

I totally understand if you need to take some time away from TB right now.  Frankly, though, I am shocked you can keep away from such fabulously entertaining ladies as ourselves (), but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Seriously though, I realize you must be having a rough go of it right now, and if being here isn't helpful for you, I totally understand, although I will miss talking with you while you are gone.

Please at least check in with us and let us know if you can change your beta location, and maybe even your date, if your RE is willing to bump it up a day.  IF and the 2WW can be so cruel, and I hope the rest of your wait won't be so hard.

Please let me know if there is anything, and I do mean anything, I can do to help right now.  Whether you like it or not, I'm still holding out hope for your BFP, cuz I haven't even started warming up my vocal chords yet (fat lady reference). 

Mrs. Erin

I'm still waiting to hear my beta.  I had my blood drawn at 7am and they still haven't called me.  I took another FRER this morning, and it still had a really faint line... but it looked lighter than yesterday.  Now I am spotting and have AF cramps.  I just want to know whats on. 

nawlinsgrl

Mrs. Erin:

I'm still waiting to hear my beta.  I had my blood drawn at 7am and they still haven't called me.  I took another FRER this morning, and it still had a really faint line... but it looked lighter than yesterday.  Now I am spotting and have AF cramps.  I just want to know whats on. 

Welcome to my world.  I'm right there with you, just a day behind in most respects.  I can't believe they are leaving you hanging all day with the results.  Barring serious emergencies, I think people with beta results should be the first ones to get called each day.

Is your spotting red or brown?  Just curious to see if we are working with the same issue here.  I'm happy you'll get a definitive answer on your beta later today.  I think I can hold on until tomorrow, just trying to stay optimistic until then.  Just glad we both have two lines, however faint!

I already put a call into my nurse asking what she knows about my spotting, which by the way, while not heavy like it was first thing this morning, is back and lingering slightly.  I probably won't hear back from her until late this afternoon since it's not a high priority issue and I'll be in the office first thing tomorrow. 

If I get her on the phone today, I'm going to ask that she call me as soon as she gets my results tomorrow.  We'll see what that gets me, but I fully intend to ask.  I'm such a PITA, worrywart patient that it might just work though!

 

nawlinsgrl

Just heard back from my nurse.  She said what I expected to hear, that some people spot during early pregnancy, that is could be a SCH, etc.  She went into a little more detail and said lifting stuff could help cause it.  I asked her if lifting DD, who is around 17 lbs (will find out for sure at her check-up in an hour), could have a role, and she said that was a perfect example.

She said I didn't have to stop lifting her.  I said that was good, because I couldn't really stop right now.  Regarding the HPT, she asked if I tested out the trigger and when I said I had, she said it sounded good to her.

So, not sure what info I was really looking to get from her that I didn't really already know, but I guess it helps to have confirmation from her and a lack of concern was pretty comforting.  She said it'll be business as usual, just go in for beta tomorrow and we'll go from there.

I asked her to call ASAP with my beta tomorrow, and kind of implied I'd be bugging her all morning if she didn't, so of course she agreed.  I thanked her, apologized for being such a PITA, and reminded her that if I am pregnant, she is done with me and my craziness!

As for the next 24 hours, I plan to test on the cheapies tonight, and try to hold out on another FRER until tomorrow morning, but we'll see how it goes.

jeannaqueena

nawlinsgrl:

I totally understand if you need to take some time away from TB right now.  Frankly, though, I am shocked you can keep away from such fabulously entertaining ladies as ourselves (), but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Seriously though, I realize you must be having a rough go of it right now, and if being here isn't helpful for you, I totally understand, although I will miss talking with you while you are gone.

Please at least check in with us and let us know if you can change your beta location, and maybe even your date, if your RE is willing to bump it up a day.  IF and the 2WW can be so cruel, and I hope the rest of your wait won't be so hard.

Please let me know if there is anything, and I do mean anything, I can do to help right now.  Whether you like it or not, I'm still holding out hope for your BFP, cuz I haven't even started warming up my vocal chords yet (fat lady reference). 

Ok, both boys are asleep (DS and the one I babysit) and I am getting some billing done and popping in.  I am feeling better after a long voicemail from my nurse.  I do better with a plan in place.  So, she said naughty me for testing and that it still could be early, that yes I can go to the local place as long as they will do same day prog. and beta (they do and I have an apt for 10am, but I will go in a bit earlier); my RE's office will call me with the results Friday afternoon, but you know I will be testing that morning and I know even as I am losing hope every minute there is still a part of me that wants a miracle.  

The nurse, also said that we could potentially start again within a couple of weeks.  Looks like I will have to have the WTF apt with my RE, get a new protocall of meds and then pay the HUGE bill again and we can go.  Hey, if anyone has any meds left over this girl right here is probably going to need them!

I really hope this worry is all for nothing, but ugh, I really doubt it. I feel like I am wishing my DS's live away and that this past year has been tainted with all the IF stress.  It breaks my heart and I try to have fun with him and do special things, but they seem to be in between Dr appointments and 2 week waits.  

Mrs. Erin and Nawlin's I wish I could give you my non-spotting.  I hate that yall are starting out with spotting. That is SO stressful (not that I have been there).

Last thing, if anyone reading this is NC you need to go sign this:

https://www.change.org/petitions/nc-mandatory-insurance-coverage-for-ivf

Ok, both boys are waking up by the time I finished typing this with all the interruptions!   ugh!

 

jeannaqueena

PS: did I miss and update from Girlie??  I haven't seen anything in a few days...but I have been MIA sort of.

kimberm0511

A little off topic, but I decided to wander over to the August '13 birth club and quickly regret it.  I read about 3 intros there and they are all "hey!  we've been trying for 2 months and we're pregnant" blah blah blah....If this BFP of mine is the real deal then I still don't feel like I'll ever fit in there..although I'm sure there are other people with troubles that are part of that board.  Just annoying.  Had to vent...sorry!

 And Jeanna..no updates on Girlie that I have seen.  I'm curious to hear what's going on with her!

tracieduncan

Still a big fat wide white space where an extra line should be.  Boo. The big debate is whether to start again right away and just get this over with (good or bad)....or take some supplements and wait a couple more months?  Would like to get it over with in case #2 doesn't work so I can get the adoption paperwork started.   But if waiting and supplements will help I think I should give it a try.  Really looking forward to the WTF appointment so I can find out if my other embryos were fragmented before arresting.  

 Jeanna, everything you speak about I totally relate to.  I hate that we have this stuff in common.  No one should have to go through it.   I feel really bad for DS because I should be focused on doing activities with him but it seems like everything revolves around this IVF stuff.  I have been just so consumed with having another baby that I feel like everything else in my life has been overshadowed.  I'm just mentally not in a good place right now.  A little time off/ wine/ caffeine should make me feel better .  Congrats to everyone with a BFP!  Hope there are much more to come.

girlieface3

Hi! I'm here!!

Congrats on the BFP!!! Any kind of line is a positive in my book. I had all different shapes of pink with DD. 

Nawlins, I had dark brown discharge with DD, a few days that AF was due and figured I was getting AF, but got a BFP instead and I continued to spot for a few days after.

So, I've had BFN on the cheapies. Still staying positive. I don't even have a test in my house for the morning. I think seeing a BFN, when the possibility is still there kills my mood and I just want to feel as good as possible. Is it common to have BFN at this point? Also do I count the day of transfer as day one??? Mine was on Thursday, so am I 6pt or 5 not including Thursday. I am so happy for the BFP, but know I am getting a little nervous, espcially since Kimber and I were both on Thursday.

 Jeanna, feel better...I'm in limbo with you girl.

kimberm0511

girlieface3:

Hi! I'm here!!
Congrats on the BFP!!!nbsp;Any kind ofnbsp;line is a positive in my book. I had all differentnbsp;shapes of pink with DD.nbsp;
Nawlins, I had dark brown discharge with DD, a few days that AF was due and figured I was getting AF, but got a BFP instead and I continued to spot for a few days after.
So, I've had BFN on the cheapies. Still staying positive. I don't even have a test in my house for the morning. I think seeing a BFN, when the possibility is still there kills my mood and I just want to feel as good as possible. Is it common to have BFN at this point? Also do I count the day of transfer as day one??? Mine was on Thursday, so am I 6pt or 5 not including Thursday. I am so happy for the BFP, but know I am getting a little nervous, espcially since Kimber and I were both on Thursday.
nbsp;Jeanna, feel better...I'm in limbo with you girl.

We are 5dpt someone correct me if I'm wrong. You shouldn't count the transfer day. Well I'm starting to have thoughts that maybe I tested too early. I didn't test out trigger, so I'm nervous. It's been 12 days since trigger, so surely it's out right? I really hate this. It's taking all I have to not poas now! Gotta wait till morning! And hopefully tomorrow will bring BFPs for you and jeanna and a clearer answer for nawlins! Thinking if you girls tonight. :

nawlinsgrl

You're right Kimber.  Y'all are 5dp5dt, and Jeanna and I are 6dp5dt.

I have some crappy IC's.  Took one more tonight and it was a major squinter.  If there is a next time, I will definitely spend a little more for Wondfo. I totally should have done that this time, it's not like they were more than a couple bucks extra, but I guess I figured they were all the same.  Definitely not.

It was nice to come home to my FRER and see it still positive like it was when I left it.  I had told DH about everything earlier (he was great), and I think he was happy to see it.

I'm going to hold off until tomorrow to use my other FRER.  I do have one other box, but don't feel like breaking it open so I can test tonight too, since beta is in the morning.

Jeanna, I'm so happy to see you feeling better.  I totally get needing a plan.  I'm a total control freak about all this stuff, as you may have figured out when I mentioned having a spreadsheet with all my stats from both IVF cycles.  

Tracie, I'm hoping for good things for you and Jeanna.  Like I said earlier today, from what I read, it's still on the early side, especially if using ICs to POAS.

 

Lauren79

jeannaqueena:

nawlinsgrl:

I totally understand if you need to take some time away from TB right now.  Frankly, though, I am shocked you can keep away from such fabulously entertaining ladies as ourselves (), but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Seriously though, I realize you must be having a rough go of it right now, and if being here isn't helpful for you, I totally understand, although I will miss talking with you while you are gone.

Please at least check in with us and let us know if you can change your beta location, and maybe even your date, if your RE is willing to bump it up a day.  IF and the 2WW can be so cruel, and I hope the rest of your wait won't be so hard.

Please let me know if there is anything, and I do mean anything, I can do to help right now.  Whether you like it or not, I'm still holding out hope for your BFP, cuz I haven't even started warming up my vocal chords yet (fat lady reference). 

Ok, both boys are asleep (DS and the one I babysit) and I am getting some billing done and popping in.  I am feeling better after a long voicemail from my nurse.  I do better with a plan in place.  So, she said naughty me for testing and that it still could be early, that yes I can go to the local place as long as they will do same day prog. and beta (they do and I have an apt for 10am, but I will go in a bit earlier); my RE's office will call me with the results Friday afternoon, but you know I will be testing that morning and I know even as I am losing hope every minute there is still a part of me that wants a miracle.  

The nurse, also said that we could potentially start again within a couple of weeks.  Looks like I will have to have the WTF apt with my RE, get a new protocall of meds and then pay the HUGE bill again and we can go.  Hey, if anyone has any meds left over this girl right here is probably going to need them!

I really hope this worry is all for nothing, but ugh, I really doubt it. I feel like I am wishing my DS's live away and that this past year has been tainted with all the IF stress.  It breaks my heart and I try to have fun with him and do special things, but they seem to be in between Dr appointments and 2 week waits.  

Mrs. Erin and Nawlin's I wish I could give you my non-spotting.  I hate that yall are starting out with spotting. That is SO stressful (not that I have been there).

Last thing, if anyone reading this is NC you need to go sign this:

https://www.change.org/petitions/nc-mandatory-insurance-coverage-for-ivf

Ok, both boys are waking up by the time I finished typing this with all the interruptions!   ugh!

Hey Jeanna. I am just catching up on some of what's going on. I am so sorry you are down, but it still could be early. Please keep me posted. I am going to sign the petition. We are going to start another cycle of injectibles.  Eventually we will have to start looking into IVF.  I am just waiting on AF. I am also hoping for a miracle this month but am getting depressed over it. 

Please email me if you need to talk or if you want me to take a day off so we can vent!

Take care, I will be thinking of you.

Good Luck to all the other ladies with their BFP's and those waiting to test!

nawlinsgrl

Crap, crap, crappity crap!  Now the blood is red.  I'm not actively bleeding yet, but when I inserted the toilet paper there was bright red blood all over it. 

I was going to test another IC with the urine, but it didn't look dark enough, so I dumped it before I wiped.  Hopefully I'll pee again before bed and break out a FRER.

P.S. I have a full day tomorrow, starting with beta first thing, then two quick errands, followed by visitation for my friend's dad, then back to his house to help prep for the gathering after the funeral and the gathering itself.  So, I don't know when I'll be on.  If someone would like to take over starting the check-in, feel free.  If nobody is up for it, that's fine too.  I just wanted to let you know not to read into anything when you don't see me posting.

I'll to try to check in by phone, but can't make any promises.

nawlinsgrl

OK, I realize everyone is probably tired of hearing about my drama today, and frankly, so am I.  Just wanted to post one final update, and then I'm taking my meds to knock me out (yay for cabergoline for OHSS prevention, it puts me to sleep in 30 minutes or less).

So, I was able to pee again pretty quickly, thank goodness, and took another FRER.  This time it came up positive within 2 minutes, which I'm thinking should be a good sign.

Here is a pic of the two tests, one from this morning (top) and the newest after 3-4 minutes:

I'm not sure if the morning test has faded any since this morning, but I didn't recall it being much darker if it was.

I took one more pic about 10 minutes later and it was even darker (newest still on bottom):

Okay, I could sit her and obsess all night, but I need to let it go.  Thank goodness for beta in the morning.  I can't take much more of this.  Thanks for letting me vent all day!