Need advice

bellelamb

When I met and married my husband over five years ago know he was so helpful to the point of over helpful, it runs in his family : he did the vacuuming, would help with laundry take out the trash always ask if i needed help! well now that I've been a sahm for a year and a half he's slowly stopped helping me with anything! I am an independent woman but being home with a baby a toddler and a 8 year old is not easy!! The house work is getting overwhelming and I need some help. I am also starting to resent him for this! He will watch the older two lo wont take a bottle so hes always with me if i ask but thats all he does then, where when its me and all three i have to cook and clean and do laundry. But then I feel like he works to support us so my job is the house work so I don't ask for help. How do I tell him he needs to help out around the house?? Or do I just suck it up and do what I can and ignore it? Oh yeah he works three 13 hour days so those days I don't expect any help but on his four days off it would be nice!

If you've made it this far thanks for listening I just don't know where irl to say this.

nomnommama

What if you wrote down a list of things that need to be done in the house and asked him which ones he'd be willing to help with. Then it would come off as moremofma team effort instead of him feeling put on the spot.

tjkdlhb

I tend to word it like this " ---- and --- need to be done... Which would you like to do?"

Usually it's after supper, so "the dishes need to be done and the baby needs a bath" he often chooses to bathe DD, which is great because it's bonding time for him and DD since they don't see each other during the day and DD loves baths (thankfully!) and it gives me a few minutes to get the kitchen straightened out!

littleredfish

tjkdlhb:

I tend to word it like this " ---- and --- need to be done... Which would you like to do?"

Usually it's after supper, so "the dishes need to be done and the baby needs a bath" he often chooses to bathe DD, which is great because it's bonding time for him and DD since they don't see each other during the day and DD loves baths (thankfully!) and it gives me a few minutes to get the kitchen straightened out!

This is what I do. DH spends so much time on his videogames (don't even get me started) and the argument over them is so old I feel he started tuning me out on it. So now to switch it up and get him listening again I just say, for example, "laundry is starting to pile up; do you mind giving her her bath for me, or would you rather handle the clothes?" Then he just picks whichever he prefers. Makes me feel like less of a nagger too.

Jess & Drew

littleredfish:

tjkdlhb:

I tend to word it like this " ---- and --- need to be done... Which would you like to do?"

Usually it's after supper, so "the dishes need to be done and the baby needs a bath" he often chooses to bathe DD, which is great because it's bonding time for him and DD since they don't see each other during the day and DD loves baths (thankfully!) and it gives me a few minutes to get the kitchen straightened out!

This is what I do. DH spends so much time on his videogames (don't even get me started) and the argument over them is so old I feel he started tuning me out on it. So now to switch it up and get him listening again I just say, for example, "laundry is starting to pile up; do you mind giving her her bath for me, or would you rather handle the clothes?" Then he just picks whichever he prefers. Makes me feel like less of a nagger too.

Littleredfish- I could've wrote that myself!

I like the idea of giving him the choice of either or. Then it kind of points out that you will both be doing a chore (even though you were doing chores all along...men seem to be blind to that), and it's not just you nagging him.

bellelamb

Thanks! I'm just frustrated and sick of being alone with house work and babies!!

littleredfish

bellelamb:

Thanks! I'm just frustrated and sick of being alone with house work and babies!!

Oh I believe it. I get so frustrated with DH over it, I couldn't imagine 3 LOs instead of 1 with no help.

My BIL was like that with SIL because he considered being a SAHM her "job". So in his mind he did his job so she was supposed to handle hers. She had to have a looong talk with him about how his job was 45hrs per week and her "job" was 24/7 and the kids were just as much his as hers. I think sometimes they just get too used to us taking care of things they get complacent.

bellelamb

He figured out I was mad, he came home tonight and helped with the kids while I finished making a full turkey diner. He even asked what I needed help with and folded laundry which he hates! :