Disgusted and sad

SeaConquest

Did anyone see the post from Scrubs magazine on FB, where the magazine asked nurses to comment on the most "ridiculous" birth plans they've ever seen? They just deleted the post in the past hour or so after a HUGE outpouring of disgust at some of the comments made by nurses who ridiculed patient birth plans and natural birth. You can see some of the fallout on their page here.

https://www.facebook.com/scrubsmagazine?fref=ts

And some people still think we are nuts for birthing at home or in birth centers with midwives who actually respect our choices. A sad day for nursing if this magazine and its commentators have their pulse on birth in America.

 

Mrs E in Oregon

I'm glad I can't see what some of these nurses posted. It sounds like it got out of hand quickly. Just goes to show that not everyone in the medical industry is there for the reason we hope - helping people.

NoeK

wow, this is exactly why women are leaving hospitals in favor of birthing centers and home births

chels0120

Just reading the comments makes me sick! I'm glad I didn't see the NURSES comments. This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm considering a home birth next time with a midwife that understands, appreciates and supports my wishes to not put my body and baby through more than naturally necessary.

sbevmc09

I'm not even going to read through the comments because just what you've posted makes me angry/sad.

One of the things I despise most is when people are dismissive or mocking about birth plans.  Like you should just "give up" because you won't have any control anyway.  Or it's worthless because things won't work out and then you'll just be disappointed.  I HATE that point of view.  I mean, hey, it's your body, your birth and if you want to go in and just go with the flow, that's totally fine, whatever works for you.  But don't put down others who want things a certain way in the very likely event that they're going to experience a totally normal labor and delivery.  If the maternity care system wasn't what it is (i.e. over-medicalized) then maybe we wouldn't need to worry about planning things and stating specifically we don't want XY and Z, but unfortunately, it is what it is and if you do have a normal L&D it's smart to specifically state what you want so that everyone is on the same page.  That doesn't mean that your preferences can't/won't change if special circumstances arise.  It's not like women who make a birth plan are unaware that things might not go as planned. 

BLPL101

One of my closest friends is a postpartum nurse and she told me what whatever I do, don't have a long birth plan because at their hospital (not where I'm delivering) the nurses write C-section on them! I was completely disgusted.

She told me she is all for epidurals so I do not discuss anything to do with labor/delivery with her because we are on totally different pages. She knows I'm going med free and she thinks I'm nuts.

SeaConquest

BLPL101:

One of my closest friends is a postpartum nurse and she told me what whatever I do, don't have a long birth plan because at their hospital (not where I'm delivering) the nurses write C-section on them! I was completely disgusted.

More than one nurse made that same comment on the FB thread. Since having an unnecessarean is my biggest concern with laboring in the hospital, the comments just made me want to vomit. 

iris427

I think it's strange how birth plans get so disparaged.  No one freaks out when cancer patients, for example, have a treatment plan.  Is it because the perception is that the mother is trying to tell the doctor how to do their job?  Or the idea that the mother will put another life at risk to follow her plan?  Maybe that is part of it, but I think there is something about a woman trying to assert herself during childbirth that still rubs us the wrong way.

wifeofadam

My kids' sitter is a nursing student and she did her OB rounds last spring.  She said she couldn't believe the way the nurses mocked patients behind their backs and how poorly they talked about the women wanting natural births.  This same sitter was also pregnant at the time and this really scared her to give birth at that same hospital.  After her birth experience she has decided to become an L&D nurse because she feels like there needs to be more nurses that support the mother's wishes.

So sad.

savannat421

Hi! Lurking from the December 2012 board...

I wanted to make a birth plan, but before I even had a chance to mention it to my midwife, the teacher of our hospital's childbirth class quickly shot me down. She said the nurses "hate them" because it always goes opposite of how you request it. I'm sorry, but I don't want a bunch of nurses talking about me behind my back! You can be against birth plans, just don't tell me! I'm a FTM...I want the reassurance they aren't going to run me over!

I'm not going to make one, just because I am getting an epidural (I'm only checking out this board in case I change my mind/something goes against my wishes), but I still think ALL mothers should be able to make one if it makes them comfortable. It makes me wish I could deliver at the hospital one town over, since it's much bigger and has a birthing center, but sadly with Medicaid my hands are tied.

GL to you ladies and your little babies Thanks for all the tips and ideas I have read so far! 

Jenilyn and Matthew

savannat421:

Hi! Lurking from the December 2012 board...

I wanted to make a birth plan, but before I even had a chance to mention it to my midwife, the teacher of our hospital's childbirth class quickly shot me down. She said the nurses "hate them" because it always goes opposite of how you request it. I'm sorry, but I don't want a bunch of nurses talking about me behind my back! You can be against birth plans, just don't tell me! I'm a FTM...I want the reassurance they aren't going to run me over!

An L&D nurse told me last week to "have" a birth plan, but not to write it down and bring it for the chart. She said that they are a jinx. I told her my wishes while we were talking, and she was telling me about the tubs, birthing balls, etc to help me out and was very open about NB options. She was just very honest about how people come in with super-strict birth plans then something happens, and they're very upset about the change. I'm hoping my husband and mother will be able to advocate for my wishes if something were to come up, rather than the nurses laughing at my "birth plan". It's sad that we have to hear those things coming in to our births!

 

savannat421

Jenilyn and Matthew:

savannat421:

Hi! Lurking from the December 2012 board...

I wanted to make a birth plan, but before I even had a chance to mention it to my midwife, the teacher of our hospital's childbirth class quickly shot me down. She said the nurses "hate them" because it always goes opposite of how you request it. I'm sorry, but I don't want a bunch of nurses talking about me behind my back! You can be against birth plans, just don't tell me! I'm a FTM...I want the reassurance they aren't going to run me over!

An L&D nurse told me last week to "have" a birth plan, but not to write it down and bring it for the chart. She said that they are a jinx. I told her my wishes while we were talking, and she was telling me about the tubs, birthing balls, etc to help me out and was very open about NB options. She was just very honest about how people come in with super-strict birth plans then something happens, and they're very upset about the change. I'm hoping my husband and mother will be able to advocate for my wishes if something were to come up, rather than the nurses laughing at my "birth plan". It's sad that we have to hear those things coming in to our births!

 

This is pretty much what I have done! I talked to my midwife about my wishes a few weeks ago, and since we are getting closer to D-Day, I'll probably talk to her about it again. I won't be upset if something changes, but I don't want to be picked on because I have preferences. There are so many options now, how could you not have some sort of "plan"?? I know not all nurses are like this, but still, those who are just need to keep their thoughts to themselves. 

Celyn

When I was in graduate school, my dorm mate was in the med school on campus -- her med school friends became part of my social circle.  When I was pregnant and planning a hypnobirth, like the crazy hippy I am, they told me that when they did their rotations in L&D they took bets on the moms who wanted to go med-free.  This apparently was how they do things at one of the major med schools in the country.  So sad and jaded.  When it was their time to have babies, I don't think any of them even considered a natural labor.  

aylafsu88

I am glad I did not see this post.  It is really sad/disturbing that these nurses are so negative and mocking of natural births.   I get upset when people are negative about birth plans.  Why is it wrong for a women to write down how she would like her birth to go?  If a medical emergency arises then obviously the plan will change as no women would risk the life of her child for the sake of following a strict plan. I really wish that our society would stop seeing birth as a medical event and rather a natural event.

sbevmc09

Jenilyn and Matthew:

savannat421:

Hi! Lurking from the December 2012 board...

I wanted to make a birth plan, but before I even had a chance to mention it to my midwife, the teacher of our hospital's childbirth class quickly shot me down. She said the nurses "hate them" because it always goes opposite of how you request it. I'm sorry, but I don't want a bunch of nurses talking about me behind my back! You can be against birth plans, just don't tell me! I'm a FTM...I want the reassurance they aren't going to run me over!

An L&D nurse told me last week to "have" a birth plan, but not to write it down and bring it for the chart. She said that they are a jinx. I told her my wishes while we were talking, and she was telling me about the tubs, birthing balls, etc to help me out and was very open about NB options. She was just very honest about how people come in with super-strict birth plans then something happens, and they're very upset about the change. I'm hoping my husband and mother will be able to advocate for my wishes if something were to come up, rather than the nurses laughing at my "birth plan". It's sad that we have to hear those things coming in to our births!

 

And to be honest, if things don't go according to plan I AM going to be bummed (and by "according to plan" I mean a normal L&D.  I'm not expecting magic here ).  I didn't have a written plan last time and I ended up with a cascade of interventions culminating in a C/S (not because I didn't have a written plan, it was much more complicated than that, I'm just saying I didn't have one last time) and I was bummed.  I'm still bummed, but that doesn't mean it defines me or that it's a bad thing to acknowledge I have feelings about it. 

A woman's feelings about her birth experience isn't really going to be directly influenced by her plan.  I think it's incredibly ignorant to think that just because preferences are written down the author expects that things will 100% follow that plan and if it doesn't she will be more depressed about it than if it wasn't written out.  That just doesn't make sense.  I hate when people insinuate that women don't deserve any level of emotional attachment to their birth experience, especially if it ends up with everyone being healthy in the end.  It's okay to mourn a lost ideal.  And it makes zero sense that writing out a list of preferences in the event of a normal L&D somehow increases a woman's chances of having a C/S.  Ugh... this whole thing.  It just really gets under my skin!

And I agree with Iris, it's a complicated thing, but I think a piece of it is that our society feels somehow not okay with a woman trying to assert herself during childbirth.  That probably stems from a few different things.  One being we're supposed to treat doctors as infallible gods who know everything and never question their directives.  

ETA: This makes me think of a couple of years ago on that Lifetime show One Born Every Minute where they had a woman in there with her doula having a natural birth and the show depicted all the L&D nurses laughing at the woman and her doula and portrayed the laboring woman as a total wacko even though she wasn't doing anything odd other than doing things a little differently than the vast majority of people.  Did anyone see that one?  I think that's the only episode I ever watched because I was just disgusted with the whole thing.  

bripratt2

usually this publically i try to be nice about the issue but I agree that is absolutely disgusting.  Whats sad is most people dont know better Ive read a few birth stories including multiple interventions  as if they were just normal and not a big deal and while i would never ridicule these women i do feel sorry for them I wish more women knew what i know. 

Runaway22

Wow. So, now I'm even more terrified of having a natural hospital birth. :X Great... lol

Mrs E in Oregon

My birth plan is short and sweet on the normal stuff. If business is usual it isn't an issue, we'll be at home with the MWs. But if we have to transfer to the hospital I have my birth plan that states who is allowed in my room, priority of people who would be present for a surgery, that my midwife must be present to observe that a c-section is not sewn up in 1 layer but in two, that no bottle feeding is allowed without written consent, etc. That sort of thing. I am now nervous about the idea that my baby would be feed formula against my will just to spite me. I will have to go over that part of my BP with my MWs to make sure that I have my bases covered.

iris427

Mrs E in Oregon:

My birth plan is short and sweet on the normal stuff. If business is usual it isn't an issue, we'll be at home with the MWs. But if we have to transfer to the hospital I have my birth plan that states who is allowed in my room, priority of people who would be present for a surgery, that my midwife must be present to observe that a c-section is not sewn up in 1 layer but in two, that no bottle feeding is allowed without written consent, etc. That sort of thing. I am now nervous about the idea that my baby would be feed formula against my will just to spite me. I will have to go over that part of my BP with my MWs to make sure that I have my bases covered.

Does your midwife have privileges at this hospital?  If not, you may run into issues with having her in the OR, observing how you are being sewn up.