If you could have chosen

redhotchili83

Knowing what you know now, if you were given the choice, would you have had multiples or would you have wanted them one at a time?

 Right now Im still in the dredges but I'd say single file babies are the way to go.  My boy twin has some significat health problems and having just him (with his older brother, of course) would have made things SO much easier.  I feel like his sister gets the shaft because she's not delayed and doesn't have all these needs.

megemoney

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megemoney

I'm sorry.  I have no idea why there is such weird formatting. 

Originally, I wanted to have a couple of children with a couple of years between.  yes, I would love to be able to experience each age phase more than once, but to be completely honest, at this point I am so grateful to be pregnant with heartbeats that I don't care anymore.

pillowass

Definitely one at a time. I had relatively few complications but the pregnancy kicked my butt; and caring for 2 babies is expensive and at times overwhelming. I feel very fortunate to have the resources and flexible workplace to do this. 

That said, I went into this knowing the risks and would take my 2-fer over the prospect of having to TTC ever again!  

LALASEPT05

Although I feel bad saying it, and I didn't know why someone would say it until I was a MoM...I would have preferred them one at a time. It would have been nice to focus on one at a time especially when they were tiny babies.  I feel like maybe I could've breast fed if I had one or maybe I could've had a vaginal birth if I had one and maybe I could've stressed less about pregnancy if I had just one and finally I feel like I could've been more mobile with them as babies if I had just one. And now that they are growing my son has a speech delay and I would like to have more time to work with him one on one without trying to balance the needs of his sister who is way more advanced in terms of speech.

All of that said we had fertility issues and if we had just gotten pregnant with one I am not sure we would have gone through IVF to have a second and I am happy to have two children. So given the IVF part of it - I am very thankful to have been able to have two at one time. 

 

jenn_darrin1515

LALASEPT05:

Although I feel bad saying it, and I didn't know why someone would say it until I was a MoM...I would have preferred them one at a time. It would have been nice to focus on one at a time especially when they were tiny babies.  I feel like maybe I could've breast fed if I had one or maybe I could've had a vaginal birth if I had one and maybe I could've stressed less about pregnancy if I had just one and finally I feel like I could've been more mobile with them as babies if I had just one. And now that they are growing my son has a speech delay and I would like to have more time to work with him one on one without trying to balance the needs of his sister who is way more advanced in terms of speech.

All of this. and m was super high maintenance, and I can't help by feel like av totally got the shaft when they were infants...which I feel contributed to her speech and language delays. altho I couldn't imagine my girls any other way, and wouldn't go back in time now to change a thing.

zombiemommy

I know I'm only 3 weeks in and I have nothing to really compare it to since these are my only two kids and always will be...

But I'd stick with twins. Sure, it's crazytown over here, but I have the benefit of my husband being a graduate student/SAHD, and all four of our parents live within ten minutes of our house. My delivery was pretty traumatic, and the thought of having to go through that again kind of petrifies me more than the many sleepless nights in my future. Also, as hard as these past three weeks have been, I can't imagine attempting to get through them while also caring for a toddler or young child.

Also...in 18.5 years...I'm an empty nester. That's pretty nice, too.

Breezy8407

I have little experience or anything to compare to, but between the high risk pregnancy (which I had almost zero complications with) and now my almost 8 months with twins, I would say one at a time.

I try to think of the pros of twins to remind myself all the time, like I only have to be pregnant once and we have our family, they always have a playmate, there are two adorable babies at once, double the snuggles, hugs, and smiles, and we only have to do every phase once (if we choose, which we already have) like newborn, potty training, etc. And I have selfish things I am happy about like knowing I will have time for myself in a few years when they are older and not having to gain weight and be pregnant again. I love seeing them start to interact now, too. Last night DD just laid her head down on DS's belly. It was so cute.

But, I see my two good friends with singletons that are 5 and 8 months old and am constantly jealous of how easy things look. They go places easily, they breastfed on demand and produced enough milk, they have some "me" time, it's easier to find a sitter, etc. 

ETA: I thought it would go without saying that if I had the choice it would be the two I have but a few years apart So just in case they are reading this....ha.

AmyJoy728

I don't know. It would have been nice to be able to enjoy lots of newborn cuddles instead of trying to survive newborns... But I love my little guys and the bond they have is precious.

krismott25

I always feel guilty for answering this question. I absolutely love have my girls. They are a blast and adorable and I wouldn't change anything. I feel like saying I wish I had a singelton would be like wishing one of them away. But having said that I don't wish for more multiples. We had IVF x3 and when we go back for #3 I refuse to put more then 1 embryo back even if that means no more babies. I had a very complicated pregnancy and the girls spent 7 weeks in the NICU and were on monitors until they were 4 mo old. I shutter at the thought of what would I do if something happened to them. Fortunately I don't have anything to compare the chaos and expense of multiples too so it's just my life. So I guess to answer your original question... yes and no

Ourfamilyof5

I'm only 4 weeks in, but I also have an older singleton so I'm able to compare my two experiences....and though I love my twins, hands down, taking care of just one baby was WAY easier and much more enjoyable for me and DH. So to answer your question, if I had the ability to change things in life, I would still have these two babies...just not at the same time  

Honestly, we're just stretched way too thin between twins and a less than 2 year old DS who is having his own adjustment period with the babies and coming into this terrible twos at the same time. All we can do is meet the babies needs (feed, change, and get them to sleep) right now because there's literally not a single second to do anything else with them. I'd love to hold them all day, but we have no family in the area and our DS needs more attention than they do in this moment.

I think in 3-4 years, we're going to be loving our set up...but right now, it's just plain hard. I just can't sugar coat anything (not that I need to on this board).  

pea-kay

I'm such an AW, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Of course, it helps that I don't know any other way...

Mama-Bear

One at a time would have been easier (physically, emotionally, financially), but seeing them interact and grow together is amazing.  I really don't think I'd change much, I wish I could go back and enjoy their baby days more, it's all just a blur now.

myheromyworld89

I think it really depends on your circumstances.  I was very fortunate to have a completely complication free pregnancy.  It was very, very uncomfortable but no issues really.  I delivered at 37 weeks and both babies were perfectly healthy.  I don't have another child at home, the twins were my first.  And while that first month was miserable to say the least, I was fortunate enough to have my husband home with me for the entire month.  I know that if I would have had one I would have had a better chance at a vaginal delivery, but to be totally honest that was just not an experience I felt that I needed to have like some women do. The only thing that would have been nice is that with one, nursing could have gone much smoother.  But I honestly love that my babies are twins.  It's totally exhausting at times, and the attention we get when we're out and about honestly gets old (really, can I eat my meal in peace with out hearing about your brothers, ex wifes, sisters, mailman who has twins) but I love it, and like every other MoM on here has said, I wouldn't change it for the world.

MrsLnt

For a long, long time, I would have said one at a time. My twins were spontaneous, aka, a huge shock and it was a really hard adjustment. I felt a lot of resentment toward singleton families where things are a lot easier in terms of logistics, babysitters, scheduling, everything. 

Mine just turned 2 and having twins is such a joy. They are so funny together and to see how much they love each other is just the best thing in the world. Would it be easier to have 2 children spread out across a few years? Sure. But then I would have missed out on the specialness of seeing these two together as best friends from the time of birth.  

pillowass

MrsLnt:

For a long, long time, I would have said one at a time. My twins were spontaneous, aka, a huge shock and it was a really hard adjustment. I felt a lot of resentment toward singleton families where things are a lot easier in terms of logistics, babysitters, scheduling, everything. 

Mine just turned 2 and having twins is such a joy. They are so funny together and to see how much they love each other is just the best thing in the world. Would it be easier to have 2 children spread out across a few years? Sure. But then I would have missed out on the specialness of seeing these two together as best friends from the time of birth.  

From the trenches of newborn-dom, I just wanted to say that I love hearing your perspective! 

Eriksgal

I would have still chosen to have triplets.  Yeah it's hard sometimes but it has been a lot of fun and in a way I'm happy to have that instant family in one shot and don't plan on being pg again.

TaterTwins

I had five singletons before my twins, and I'd totally have had the twins again together and not one at a time.  I just love watching them together.  It's amazing, and totally makes up for the first year being a blur LOL

In fact, when I found out I was only having one this time, I was a teensy bit disappointed.

macchiatto

There are pros and cons to both I'm sure, but I think I would have picked one at a time. Like a couple pp's, having one twin with special needs makes things a bit more complicated, and I do wonder if being able to give him a lot more 1:1 attention in infancy would have helped at all, and I hate that they'll be compared so often when one has delays and one is advanced (especially being same-sex twins). It is fun watching them together but they definitely don't have as tight of a bond as some twins do and I'm sure that makes a difference. Mine clash in a lot of ways and more intensely so since they are the same age and always together.

lunatwo

I totally agree with everything all of the PP's have said, but for me, I still wouldn't change a thing.  I love having my two babies and I almost think it's weird when people only have one now.

macchiatto

TaterTwins:

I had five singletons before my twins, and I'd totally have had the twins again together and not one at a time.  I just love watching them together.  It's amazing, and totally makes up for the first year being a blur LOL

In fact, when I found out I was only having one this time, I was a teensy bit disappointed.

I wonder if it helped that you had so much experience by the time the twins came along. I've always wondered what that would be like! One of my best childhood friends had 6 singletons and then a set of twin girls about a year ago. I emailed her to ask her how it's been but surprisingly she hasn't had time to answer me yet.

Jen0204

I have a nephew who is 5 months older then my girls and seeing my sister go through an easy pregnancy and seeing how much more one on one time she gets did/does make me a little jealous. Especially since we only want two, so a singleton pregnancy is not something I'll get to experience. 

If I was asked this question in the first 6 months my answer would have been that I would have picked one at a time. But now there is no way I would change a thing now. It's amazing what a difference a few months has made but with them STTN and crawling life is so much easier and so much more fun! They play together a lot, and DD2 has the little sister role down pat and follows DD1 everywhere. DD1 the is its her job to make her sister laugh. Sure, they pull each others hair and get jealous at times and when we have two crying, upset babies who only want their mommy it's not easy, but the good FAR outweighs the bad. 

I will say that living within a half hour of both sets of parents has been a huge help and made life a ton easier. If we didn't I might feel differently. 

ks3pink

I would still have twins. It's hard and there are times I think "if I just had one ..." but if I just had one I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I also know my husband would have been very unlikely to agree to a third child and I wanted three. Plus I got my three with two pregnancies. Pregnancy hates me so I am extremely thankful for that!